When I read this, I said, “Who?” But he sounds like a minor league outfielder and not – I repeat not! – Cashman’s solution to the left field issue. Johnny Damon and Brett Gardner will be sharing duties there. RIGHT, CASH? RIGHT, JOHNNY? HAVE YOU TWO HUGGED IT OUT YET?
The Reid Gorecki signing wasn’t the only headline maker today. Mark McGwire finally explained to the media how he went from looking like this…
To no one’s surprise, he admitted using ‘roids.
At this point, it’s like me admitting that I took my sister’s car out for a spin when I was in high school and sideswiped a parking meter. I pretended I wasn’t responsible for the giant scratch on the driver’s side, but everyone in the family knew I was guilty.
If McGwire’s sit-down with Bob Costas really gives everybody “closure,” then I’m glad. I’d much rather talk about how Jeter’s supposed wedding to Minka Kelly is now being called a hoax. I love hoaxes. I think I’ll create one right now: The Yankees just signed Johnny Damon and they’re announcing it tomorrow!
While Brian Cashman monitors Johnny Damon’s status via Scott Boras, I thought I’d better have a chat with Johnny one on one. I remember how long the Andy Pettitte situation dragged on last year and how frustrating it was. One day everybody was all: “The Yankees will make a deal and bring him back.” The next day it was: “The two sides are far apart and it’s not looking good.” I didn’t want to feel helpless this time around, so I took matters into my own oddly large hands. I hope I made my points – and that Johnny listened and will act accordingly.
My grandmother used to say, “A watched pot never boils.”
Actually, the water does boil, even if you stand there watching the pot, but the idea is to stop hovering while you’re waiting for something to happen and just let it be. So that’s my new strategy regarding the Yankees. I’m going to stop reading everybody’s opinions about who should play left field and just let the situation play out. Jason Bay is out of the picture. Matt Holliday is probably out of the picture. Boras wants more for Damon than the Yankees want to spend. Nady has had two Tommy John surgeries. And Reed Johnson, Scott Posednik and Jonny Gomes don’t inspire blog posts. Brett Gardner could still get the job, but didn’t I just say I was through speculating? Enough about this subject! I’m done, I tell you. When the Yankees have something to announce, I’ll write about it then. But there will be a moratorium on all discussion of who will play left field in 2010 starting RIGHT NOW!
Instead, has everybody seen this mashup of the top ten songs of 2009? I don’t hear/see “Empire State of Mind” anywhere, but maybe I’m missing something? I need the interlocking N-Y or I’m not happy.
As I sat here in Santa Barbara, wondering if/when the Yankees would announce who will play left field, I decided to stop reading other blogs and go straight to the source. No, I’m not referring to Cashman. He’s only the GM. I figured I should talk to the man with the real power – the guy who controls the payroll. So I hopped on a plane (it wasn’t easy, given all the new security restrictions) and headed for Tampa.
“Do you know where I might find Hal Steinbrenner?” I asked my cab driver after arriving at the airport in Florida.
“Sure,” he said. “On Saturday nights he’s always at the Kit Kat Club.
“Really?” I said. “What sort of place is that?”
“A disco club,” he replied. “Everybody in Tampa knows how much that boy loves to dance.”
“Great,” I said. “Take me there, please.”
Within minutes, we pulled up to the club and I went inside.
The scene was very high energy. I searched everywhere for Hal and – success! – there he was at a table for one, sipping a scotch and looking like he was dying to get up on the floor and shake it.
“Hi, Mr. Steinbrenner,” I said. “I’m She-Fan. Perhaps you’ve heard of me. I have a Yankees blog.”
“Of course,” he said, offering me a chair. “You’re the one who does crazy videos making fun of the greatest franchise in sports.”
“Well,” I said, blushing, “I also write about how much I love the Yankees. In fact, that’s why I’m here. We really need a left fielder, Mr. Steinbrenner.”
“Call me Hal.”
“OK, Hal. Listen, I don’t want you to think I’m not grateful for the way you re-signed Andy and brought Granderson over from Detroit. I’m not so sure about Nick Johnson and Javy Vazquez, but let’s concentrate on the left field problem.”
“Problem? We have options. Have you forgotten about Brett Gardner?”
“Have you forgotten he’s not much with the bat?”
He took a few swallows of his scotch.
“You could re-consider Damon,” I pressed on. “Or go after Bay or Holliday. Just don’t settle for Reed Johnson, no offense to him. We’re the Yankees. We need an outstanding, top quality player out there.”
He considered my pitch for several minutes. And then he smiled broadly. “Don’t worry, She-Fan. I’ll call Cash in the morning and tell him what you said. We’ll find somebody. You won’t be disappointed.”
“Swear. Now let’s dance.”
And so we did.