My Saturday Night Fever With Hal

As I sat here in Santa Barbara, wondering if/when the Yankees would announce who will play left field, I decided to stop reading other blogs and go straight to the source. No, I’m not referring to Cashman. He’s only the GM. I figured I should talk to the man with the real power – the guy who controls the payroll. So I hopped on a plane (it wasn’t easy, given all the new security restrictions) and headed for Tampa.
“Do you know where I might find Hal Steinbrenner?” I asked my cab driver after arriving at the airport in Florida.
“Sure,” he said. “On Saturday nights he’s always at the Kit Kat Club.
“Really?” I said. “What sort of place is that?”
“A disco club,” he replied. “Everybody in Tampa knows how much that boy loves to dance.”
“Great,” I said. “Take me there, please.”
Within minutes, we pulled up to the club and I went inside.
The scene was very high energy. I searched everywhere for Hal and – success! – there he was at a table for one, sipping a scotch and looking like he was dying to get up on the floor and shake it.
“Hi, Mr. Steinbrenner,” I said. “I’m She-Fan. Perhaps you’ve heard of me. I have a Yankees blog.”
“Of course,” he said, offering me a chair. “You’re the one who does crazy videos making fun of the greatest franchise in sports.”
“Well,” I said, blushing, “I also write about how much I love the Yankees. In fact, that’s why I’m here. We really need a left fielder, Mr. Steinbrenner.”
“Call me Hal.”
“OK, Hal. Listen, I don’t want you to think I’m not grateful for the way you re-signed Andy and brought Granderson over from Detroit. I’m not so sure about Nick Johnson and Javy Vazquez, but let’s concentrate on the left field problem.”
“Problem? We have options. Have you forgotten about Brett Gardner?”
“Have you forgotten he’s not much with the bat?”
He took a few swallows of his scotch.
“You could re-consider Damon,” I pressed on. “Or go after Bay or Holliday. Just don’t settle for Reed Johnson, no offense to him. We’re the Yankees. We need an outstanding, top quality player out there.”
He considered my pitch for several minutes. And then he smiled broadly. “Don’t worry, She-Fan. I’ll call Cash in the morning and tell him what you said. We’ll find somebody. You won’t be disappointed.”
“Swear. Now let’s dance.”
And so we did.


  1. tec622

    Jane, even as a Redsox fan I gotta give it to you… TheHot Stove is much more interesting lol… I got my favorite Sox blogs too, but you are the most interesting I’ve read from the Dark Side lol…. Tom


    i love the jib jab cards. the snowball fight was the best but this one is pretty funny. i’m still not worried about gardner in left. javier vasquez left my dad a message and in translation it said “I will be better, I will be better, no problem.”

  3. mikeeff

    I wish you had found The Boss in his playpen- woken him from his stupor and waved a picture of Matt Holliday in his face


    Excellent, Jane. So far the jib jabs are even more entertaining than the cafeteria interviews. You are clearly going to keep us all amused until Spring Training with no problem. Thanks.

  5. Jane Heller

    That’s high praise indeed, Tom. Nothing much going on with the Hot Stove so I might as well dance with Hal, right?

    Ah, so Javy left a message for your dad, Barbara? As long as he promised to be better, I’ll be more optimistic about him. Actually, I have a good feeling about him. He doesn’t have to be the greatest pitcher ever. He just has to be pretty damn good. 🙂

    I had such a dilemma with this video, Mike. I was planning to dance with Cashman but then I decided to go up the chain of command. I stopped at Hal, figuring George would be fast asleep.

    Yes, I danced with Hal, Lenny. And he’s a really good dancer, isn’t he? Loved his moves. He tired me out and I had to sit down.


    Jane, Jane, Jane! You outdid yourself this time! I couldn’t help but laugh out loud at this. Loved your turtleneck! And I’m so glad you went right to the top to sort out the Yanks.

    Since we talk about movies here, I want to recommend Avatar. It lives up to the hype and more! We saw it yesterday in 3D. I love movies, but I have to say it isn’t often that at the end of almost 3 hours I’m wishing the movie wouldn’t end. The alien world that James Cameron created is so different and lovely and fascinating, I wanted to stay in it. It took me several hours to feel like I was totally back in this world.


  7. cheshirecat9

    Ha! I laughed out loud at this one. Thanks for the guffaw!

    My family and I went to see Sherlock Holmes yesterday and it was very enjoyable. I fly back to New York tonight (wish me luck getting through security) and plan on seeing Avatar on the IMAX in 3-D next week. I am all about the sensory overload.

    As Yankee fans we are all impatient for things to happen NOW, NOW, NOW but I am confident Cashman will figure out the left field situation by Opening Day. I don’t think it will be Gardner, but I hope he is spending the off-season practicing his swing anyway.

  8. mikeeff

    ok NOOOOOOW i’m impressed. i read this last night on my phone and didn’t get to see the video. you got some great moves jane….

  9. Jane Heller

    It’s Holliday with two l’s, denyankfan. I had to check to be sure. So if you’re going to ask Hal for him, you have to spell it right! But the name does fit perfectly into Madonna’s song “Holiday.” Maybe I should have asked the DJ to play it.

    Did you enjoy how my turtleneck fit snugly over the dress, Melissa? LOL. I had no idea it would break apart and my head would come off. Thanks for your review of Avatar. It’s playing near me and I’m eager to go see it. Maybe today. I’ve seen just about everything else.

    Glad you liked the video – and Sherlock, cheshirecat. I thought the movie was lots of fun, although I would have ended it ****spoiler alert ***** right after he and Rachel McAdams were sitting together on that bridge after the big fight. But I guess they needed to tell us there was a sequel coming. Have a safe flight back to NY. Hopefully the lines won’t be too long (wishful thinking).

    I do have great moves, don’t I, Mike? LOL. But Hal’s are even better. Btw, how come we can’t watch videos on our iPhones? That thing should be able to do it all.

    You can have Bay, Paul, but he doesn’t seem that anxious to jump aboard the Mets train. DeRosa was said to prefer the Giants. So I don’t know where that leaves the Yankees except that Damon is still out there.

  10. scofid

    Let’s hope your dancing skills just ensured that we’ll have a “big name” in left field for 2010! Haha! Personally, I am starting to think that the Yanks should bring back Xavier Nady should all hope for Johnny Damon be gone. Of course, they need a sound backup plan but I am less than enthused about any of the ‘low-cost’ left field possibilities. I wish Brian Cashman could uncover the next Paul O’Neill waiting to break out on some other team’s roster and bring him to the Bronx. But I guess I’d be be prepared for a left field that consists of Brett Gardner and Jamie Hoffman. Yippee… 😦


  11. raysrenegade

    Many a night we see Hal down in Ybor City strutting like John Travolta in that white linen suit showing off those ancient New York vibed moves made famous in “Saturday Night Fever”.
    I am sometimes surprised he did not buy a disco club down here in Ybor City so he could act like Al Pacino (Carlito) as an old 80’s style kingpin sitting at the round table in the back of the club with the mirrors to his back shining the mirrored disco ball throughout the club.
    His entourage with names like Swisher, Jeter and Cano ready to clap and dance the Hustle.
    And the click of his heels off the wet brick streets of Ybor City, it would be a perfect 80’s backdrop with the Tampa skyline off his left shoulder and he would be anointed the Pope of Ybor City by the locals.

    Rays Renegade

  12. Jane Heller

    You make an excellent point, Scott. Where is the next Paul O’Neill? He must be lurking on some other team, waiting to be liberated and brought to the Bronx so he can flourish. Next time I dance with Hal I’ll mention that. I’m not prepared for Gardner/Hoffman!

    I thought of you when I was writing this post, Renegade. I figured you’d know where Hal hangs out in Tampa late at night doing his Travolta imitation. Why didn’t he buy a club of his own? Maybe his father frowned on such an enterprise.

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