I know, I know. I hardly know Harold Z. Steinbrenner except from seeing him in the occasional photo and from watching video of today’s press conference. But did you hear what he said? Did you? Because when he was asked about bidding on free agents, he uttered the statement, “We’re going after what we need,” and I was absolutely hooked. He even said the word “spend” more than once. How could I not love him? He and I want the same thing out of life: a championship for the New York Yankees. We’re totally compatible.

Naturally, there are issues we have yet to work out. I’m sure he has questions about me and I certainly have some about him.

Like why he looks more like

and

than he does like

who, by the way, is 12 years older than Hal. What’s up with that?

What does the “Z” in Harold Z. Steinbrenner stand for anyway?

And how did he survive Culver Military Academy, the same college prep/military school that his father and Hank went to? Especially when you consider that the head of the school looks like quite the taskmaster.

O.K. Hal and I may not be compatible in every respect. (I went to a regular old high school.) He shies away from the spotlight and I hog it. He has thick, wavy John Edwards hair and mine is long, blonde and tends to frizz in humidity. He’s a billionaire who jets around keeping an eye on his “holdings” and I’m an impoverished writer toiling away on my computer in the solitude of my office.

But we have the Yankees in common! With a new house to move into soon!

Be still my heart.

I have to say I feel as close to Hal right now as two people can be.

In time I think we’ll be inseparable.

In fact, maybe I’ll fly to Tampa and –

Uh-oh. Here comes my husband! I’d better shut this down right now! Goodbye, Hal. It’s been fun.