Tagged: Ray Romano

What Do We Really Know About John Lackey?


Yes, he’ll be the Angels’ Game 1 starter against the Yankees on Friday night. And yes, he’s been on the Angels for his entire big league career, although where he ends up after this season is anybody’s guess. And yes, he’s the guy the Yanks need to crush in order to establish their dominance. But who IS John Lackey and how do we get him to look all frustrated and beaten down like this?
Let’s start with the Merriam-Webster Dictionary and look up the word “Lackey.”

Main Entry: 1lack·ey 
Pronunciation: \ˈla-kē\
Function: noun
Inflected Form(s): plural lackeys
Etymology: Middle French laquais
Date: 1523

1 a : footman 2, servant b : someone who
does menial tasks or runs errands for another
2 : a servile follower : toad

According to the last definition, John Lackey is a toad.
Oh, I kid. John Derran Lackey is a very good pitcher. He’s a big pitcher, too. His 6′ 6″ frame prompted Angels broadcaster Rex Hudler to give him the nickname “Big John.” Do you think the name came to Rex in a lightning bolt in the middle of the night? Talk about creative.
Lackey was born in Abilene, Texas on October 23rd, 1978. That makes him a Scorpio.
According to astrology guru Susan Miller, here’s what Lackey can look forward to as the month moves along:
If you need to lease a new apartment, sell your coffee table, get a more attractive bid from a contractor to do over your kitchen, or do any other property-related plan, you can expect to see progress at long last.”
Whew. I don’t see anything in there about winning the ALCS, do you? If Lackey wants to sell his coffee table and buy a new one, I say he should go for it. And maybe he should buy a new coffee table book while he’s at it.
Some people say Lackey has had trouble keeping his emotions in check on the mound. Like when a player behind him makes an error. Supposedly, he gets all huffy and throws one of these.
And then there was his debut this season on May 16th against Texas. He had just come off the DL and Ian Kinsler was his first batter. He threw two pitches to Kinsler – one sailed behind his head and the other hit him – and was promptly ejected. Way to go!
But again. I kid. He’s a great pitcher. There’s just one more thing I need to point out about him: his voice. Take a listen and tell me he doesn’t sound like Ray Romano with a Texas twang.
See you Friday night in the Bronx, Big John. We’re ready for you.
John Lackey.jpg