On Twitter today I announced that I would go on a hunger strike until the Yankees halted their slide and won a game. No pasta with portobello mushroom sauce. No grilled turkey burgers. No Pepperidge Farm Double Chunk Chocolate Chip Cookies, my favorite indulgence.

I was prepared to waste away for as many days and weeks as it took for my team to remember how to use their bats – anything to bring awareness to the cause and stop the madness.

But the Yankees beat the Braves 8-4, and I ate a delicious dinner. No strike necessary.

What a relief to get a “W” after all those rotten losses. Joba went six-plus without walking anybody and only spazzed out in the seventh with that error on Johnson’s bunt.

And he knocked out Kawakami, the Braves’ starter, in the third by lining a comebacker directly at his carotid artery without causing irreparable harm. Hard to do!

Let’s see. So many others to thank for this victory (not counting Cashman for shipping Veras to Cleveland and DFA-ing Berroa).

Thanks to first base umpire Bill Welke for his bonehead call on the non-pickoff of Gardner in the sixth. Bill, you rock! If you’d actually had the lasik surgery, you wouldn’t have gotten Girardi mad enough to argue.

Instead, you blew the call and threw him out of the game, which was positively inspired (and inspiring).

Only moments later, the Cisco Kid smacked his first major league homer to tie the score 1-1. It was the Yankees’ first run since the dawn of early man.

Thanks to Jeter and Damon for their back-to-back singles in the inning, to Tex for his walk to load the bases, and to A-Rod for coming through with a two-run hit that put the Yanks up 3-1 and saved me from having to starve myself.

Thank you to an Atlanta reliever named Bennett, who served one up to Swisher for a just-barely homer that made it 4-1 and possibly saved Nick’s job.

It was a little nerve-wracking in the bottom of the frame when Joba gave up an RBI single to the guy who pinch-hit for Bennett (his name is Prado, but I call him The Devil Wears Prado) for 4-2. Then Coke replaced Joba, and McLouth launched a deep sac fly for 4-3. By the way, McLouth is impressive. As much as I like Nady, why didn’t we get The Good Pirate, who also happens to look like Matt Damon?

There was more merriment in the top of the eighth as we scored another couple of runs. But what was up with Bruney? Could he have taken any longer between pitches? Talk about laboring.

Then along came Mo, who gets a thank you just for his existence.

Not only did he strike out all four batters he faced in the eighth/ninth, but he came up to bat and lined one into the outfield. His teammates thought it was hilarious.

Anyhow, thanks again to all of the above for helping me avert the hunger strike. I would have done it, but I’m glad I didn’t have to. I’m not planning to grow a mustache in solidarity either, so the Yankees shouldn’t even try going on another losing streak.