It’s not that I think Brett Bombko is such a catch. But why wasn’t he put on the Yankees’ roster? He could have eaten innings and performed the kind of public service that would have avoided over-using the pen in tonight’s 15-5 drubbing by the Rays.

Instead, the game took on a circus atmosphere right from the start.

Poor Wang.

The way he was getting pounded, batter after batter, reminded me of…Well, just watch and you’ll see what I mean.

After he departed in the second inning, Albaladejo, Edwar and Coke did their best imitations of circus acts too.

Not that it was just the pitchers who looked clownish. 

Cody Ransom lost a ball while staring up into Tropicana Field’s dome, apparently entranced by its unique beauty.

Cano and Pena (Ramiro, not Carlos) put on a show of their own following a Navarro pop up

in the manner of these two.

And for the grand finale, Nick Swisher entertained the crowd by pretending to be a pitcher

in much the same way that a mime entertains the crowd by pretending he can’t speak.

Swisher was a great sport and actually held the Rays scoreless – the feat of the night – but if I wanted to watch a circus I would have gone to see Cirque de Soleil.

Were there any bright spots for the Yankees during this humiliating exercise? No. Well, except that A-Rod was back with the team, and I brightened every time the camera found him in the dugout. I’m sure Ransom is a lovely human being, but I want the guy who hits 50 homers in the lineup.

As for the Rays, they did everything right tonight. But the player I’m intent on kidnapping in order to prevent him from having his way with my guys is him.

Upton is maddeningly good. He hits for power. He bunts for base hits. He steals bases. And he makes over-the-shoulder – yes, circus – catches. If he doesn’t show up for Tuesday’s game, it’s because he’s being held in a secure location.