Tagged: Dr. Phil

She-Fan Exclusive: Yankees Send Struggling Wang To Shrink

As a result of yet another miserable outing after which Chien-Ming Wang was declared physically sound, the Yankees made swift arrangements to help Wang with his emotional issues.
He is said to suffer from a psychiatric disorder known as the “Cannot Pitch To Save My Life Syndrome,” and the Yankees front office flew in the one therapist they trusted to deal with it.
She-Fan was provided exclusive access to Wang’s session with Dr. Phil. There was, of course, a language barrier as Wang understands English but doesn’t speak it, so I will translate the highlights.
Dr. Phil: Are you depressed right now?
(Very. I let Yankee fans down. I let myself down.)
Dr. Phil: Do you know why you couldn’t perform today?
Wang是。 我在土墩太多认为。
(Yes. I was thinking too much on the mound.)
Dr. Phil: About what?
Wang我认为CC和AJ由他们的最初去,但是大家告诉我Wanger。 它损我的感觉。
(I was thinking that CC and AJ go by their initials, but everybody calls me Wanger. It hurts my feelings.)
Dr. Phil: Anything else?
Wang是。 迷认为尼克Swisher比我是一个更好的投手。 他们爱他。
(Yes. The fans think Nick Swisher is a better pitcher than I am. They love him.)
Dr. Phil: You sound angry. Is there more?
WangIt’ 也s关于乔Girardi和布赖恩Cashman。 为什么didn’ t他们在花册上把象Brett Tomko的一个长的人放? 我会感觉保护,照料。 反而,他们投掷了那个可怜的孩子, Claggett,对狼。
(It’s also about Joe Girardi and Brian Cashman. Why didn’t they put a long man like Brett Tomko on the roster? I would have felt protected, taken care of. Instead, they threw that poor kid, Claggett, to the wolves.)
Dr. Phil: Keep going.
Wang在美国人的进攻。 他们don’ t击中了与在计分的位置的赛跑者。 并且, Cody赎金isn’ t标尺在第三。 我恐惧有在我之后的好防御。
(The offense on the Yankees. They don’t hit with runners in scoring position. Also, Cody Ransom isn’t A-Rod over at third. I fear not having good defense behind me.)
Dr. Phil: Pena was playing third today, but who’s counting. It’s time you released all this hostility, Chien-Ming. Would you scream for me? Just let it all out?
WangO.K. 如果您认为它将帮助。 这里去。 Ahhhhhh!  
(O.K. If you think it will help. Here goes. Ahhhhhh!)
Dr. Phil: Excellent. We’re done here. The next time you pitch you’ll throw a complete game shut-out. Maybe even a no-no.
Wang谢谢非常,菲尔医生。 我欠多少您会议的?
(Thank you so much, Doctor Phil. How much do I owe you for the session?)
Dr. Phil: Not a thing. The Yankees gave me one of their empty luxury boxes as payment, plus free dinners at the steakhouse. We’re all set.
According to the press release I just received from the Yankees, Chien-Ming Wang has now been cured. No need for further concern.

Reunited And It Feels So Good

It’s O.K., Andy. Let it out. Let it all out. I’m crying too – tears of joy and relief and reconciliation.
It’s a beautiful thing that you and the Yankees have worked things out and you’ll be pitching for us in the new Stadium. So what if you didn’t get the millions you were asking for? You can still earn those millions and plenty more if you rebound from last year, throw seven-plus innings every outing and serve as a steady veteran presence on the staff. Oh, and it would be great if you’d toss a perfect game while you’re at it. David Cone did it late in his pinstriped career. David Wells, too. Your turn.
Was there tension between us during the negotiations? Was I upset that you wouldn’t commit?
couple-arguing-_1.jpgWere there times when I wanted to slap you?
Grab you in a headlock?

Strangle you?

Smack you with a pillow?
Run you over with my car?
Yes, I admit it. You were exasperating with your mixed messages and your mood swings and your tendency to blow hot and cold, and I honestly didn’t know how to get through to you. Or your agents.
But there are strains even in the best of marriages, right? What’s important now is that we’re back together and it feels so right.

I say we forget all the unpleasantness, and celebrate. Spring training is coming up and so is Valentine’s Day.
Just don’t go pulling this stuff again in 2010 or I’ll drag you in for a chat with him.