Tagged: Derek Lowe

While I Was Waiting For The Yankees To Sign A Pitcher….

…I went to a screening of “Sherlock Holmes” tonight. The movie itself was great (more on that in a second), but getting inside the theater was an ordeal. Warner Brothers is so paranoid that somebody will record the film and spread pirated copies all over the place that they sent black suited goons not only to confiscate our cellphones but give us the wand treatment in the lobby. It felt like going through security at an airport.
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While the security woman was fishing around in my bag, pulling out all my personal stuff, she found the She-Fan Cam and said, “What’s this doing here?” Oops. I do take the Cam wherever I go in case I run into a baseball fan, but I had no intention of shooting footage of the movie. “It’s just a little video camera for my Yankees blog,” I told her. She gave me a nasty look (maybe she was an Angels fan) and said, “Get rid of it. Now.” So I had to leave the theater, walk back to my car, deposit the She-Fan Cam there, walk back to the theater, and go through security yet again. The good news is that “Sherlock Holmes” was worth the trouble. Written and directed by Guy Ritchie, Madonna’s ex before A-Rod was her ex, the movie is a fast-paced, high-energy romp. Robert Downey Jr. is terrific as Holmes and Jude Law is fun as his sidekick, Watson. The fight scenes are bloody but hilarious. My only complaint was the length of the movie – it’s 20 minutes too long – but I give it one thumb up.
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Here’s the trailer. I hope Warner Bros doesn’t arrest me for pulling it off YouTube. Sheesh.
As soon as I left the theater, I checked my cellphone for Yankees updates, wondering if we’d signed anybody. All I found was LoHud’s post about a possible trade with the Braves for either Derek Lowe (yes, that rumor again) or Javier Vazquez. Excuse me? Javier Vazquez?


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It’s one thing to bring back Nick Johnson, but Vazquez was a bust as a Yankee. It’s late and I’m going to bed, but if I wake up tomorrow morning and Vazquez is our #4 pitcher I won’t be happy about it.
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A Game That Felt Like A Doubleheader

“Is it over yet?” I said to my husband when the Yankees jumped out to an 8-1 lead.

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“It’s only the fourth inning,” he said, then nodded out. Before I knew it, he was starting to snore.
It was that kind of a game. Sloppy. Long. Perfect for switching over to CNN during the commercials to watch clips of Michael Jackson.
Jackson’s Neverland Ranch was in northern Santa Barbara County, and my local journalists covered his trial on a daily basis. To people here, he wasn’t the king of pop but yet another celebrity who had lost his way.
Moonwalk in peace, MJ.
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Speaking of celebrities losing their way, A-Rod seems to have found his. He was swinging the bat better on Wednesday and turned it up another notch tonight. That solo shot in the first was nice, but his bases-loaded single in the seventh was a thing of beauty.
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(Like Jacko, he, too, wears a white glove when he performs.)
It was a good night for Al, who tied Reggie’s home run record, knocked in four runs and seemed unusually pumped up.
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It was not such a good night for Pettitte. He wasn’t as ineffective as Derek Lowe, but he had a huge lead and nearly gave it away – grounds for this.
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I don’t know why Girardi didn’t use Phil Hughes in relief, but I’ve given up trying to figure out everybody’s role in the pen.
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I’m just glad Mo got his 499th save and the Yanks beat the Braves 11-7. It wasn’t pretty, and Swisher, Damon and Jeter looked like deer in the headlights at times. Oh, and Gardner spazzed out on that ball hit by the Devil Wears Prado.
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But a win is a win, and the best news is that the offense is back! We can hit again! We remembered what to do with the bats!
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Now we must be excellent against the Mets this weekend. I’m predicting we win two out of three. If that’s going out on a limb, so be it.
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Waiting for the Other Shoes to Drop

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I’m afraid to go to sleep tonight. Terrified. What if the Yankees sign somebody else in the next few hours and I’m too far gone to find out about it? I hate hearing about this stuff after the fact, so could somebody call me immediately if a deal goes down?
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Last I heard, we were throwing money or thinking about throwing money or rumored to be throwing money at AJ Burnett, Derek Lowe and Ben Sheets (with Andy Pettitte in the rearview mirror). Will any of it happen? How will I know? I feel so out of control.
Which is why I took action before I went to bed. Since my conversation with A-Sab about the Good Life in Scarsdale seemed to nudge Cee Cee toward accepting our millions, I decided to contact the other women involved and make my pitch to them too.
Ring, ring. “Hello? Is this Karen Burnett? Mrs. AJ Burnett? It’s She-Fan calling on behalf of the New York Yankees.”

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“It’s very late here on the east coast,” said Karen, sounding miffed, as if I were a telemarketer. “You woke us up.”
“Sorry. I just wanted to tell you that if your husband is the least bit inclined to stay in the AL East and play for the Yankees, there’s this wonderful town where the two of you could live very happily with your children.”
“Don’t bother trying to sell me on Scarsdale. Amber Sabathia called this afternoon and gave me a big speech about it.”
“Really?” Kind of snippy. Clearly, I wasn’t going to dazzle her with the names of hair salons. But wait! Her husband was always on the DL! I could use that to my advantage! “I bet she didn’t tell you about all the excellent physicians in Scarsdale,” I said. “There’s a specialist for everything. Hammies. Rotator cuffs. Even severely strained obliques.”
“Wow. Thanks,” she said, thawing considerably. “I appreciate that, She-Fan.”
After I hung up, I wondered why I would even want the injury-prone Burnett for five years. Let the Braves have him.
I moved down my list.
Ring, ring. “Hello? Is this Betty Sheets? Ben’s mom? It’s She-Fan calling on behalf of the New York Yankees.”
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“Hey there, honey bunch,” said a woman with a Louisiana drawl. “What can I do for you?”
I had read that Ben called his mother at least twice a day; that she handpicked his wife for him; that she lived for her son. She was definitely his go-to gal. “I would love it if Ben came to New York and played for the Yankees.”
“New York?” she said, aghast. “They do all that dancing and carrying on up there.”
“Not in Scarsdale,” I said. “It’s a quaint little town. No dancing or carrying on whatsoever. Well, except at the occasional bar mitzvah.”
“Barwhatsvah?”
“Never mind.” I told Betty that Scarsdale was full of southern hospitality and that Ben’s new neighbors would very likely bring over casseroles and pies and homemade quilts to welcome him.
“How sweet,” she enthused. “But what about doctors? My Ben gets hurt a lot, poor boy.”
I gave her my spiel and hung up. Why did I want Sheets again? Was the fact that we could sign him for two years instead of five a good enough reason?
Ring, ring. “Hello? Is this Trinka Lowe? Mrs. Derek Lowe? It’s She-Fan calling on behalf of the New York Yankees.”
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“How dare you call me!” she huffed. “Didn’t you know Derek dumped me for some….some….”
Suddenly, I remembered that Lowe had left Trinka, a former Hooters waitress, for Carolyn Hughes, the FSN West anchor of “Dodger Dugout.”
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“Forgive me,” I said. “In my excitement over the winter baseball meetings, I wasn’t thinking straight.”
“You don’t want my ex-husband on your team,” she said bitterly. “He’ll only cause pain and suffering, especially if the Yankees have a girl who does interviews from the clubhouse.”
Uh-oh. Perhaps Kim Jones, Suzyn Waldman and Kat O’Brien weren’t safe around this guy.
I thanked Trinka and wondered why I wanted the Yankees to sign Derek Lowe. Because he was more durable than the other two? Not good enough.
I was about to place a call to Laura Pettitte, thinking her husband was the only pitcher I could really trust, when I remembered the whole HGH thing from last year.
I heaved a sigh and went to sleep.
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How Much Power Does Scott Boras Really Have?

As I sit and wait for some free agent to sign somewhere….tick tock, tick tock….I can’t help but be reminded that one man controls the destiny of almost every coveted player except CC and AJ. (Maybe he doesn’t handle clients who go by initials only.) He is The One who will oversee the futures of the following…..
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not to mention Jason Varitek, Garret Anderson (or did he retire), Ivan Rodriguez (he should retire) and Julian Tavarez (he should be locked away in a padded cell). The One of whom I speak is, of course, this man.
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You can tell he’s Scott Boras by how hard he’s plotting and planning. The question is: Is his power limited to the fates of baseball players? Or does it extend far, far beyond the realm of sports?
Like can he negotiate a bailout for these three?

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Can he reunite these men at Madison Square Garden, including the dead ones?
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Can he take away all the calories in this and turn it into a health food?
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Can he make this man funny again?
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Can he cause it to rain in drought-stricken California?
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Can he cure diseases and enable us to live forever?
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If he can do all that, he can surely do this.
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Yes, if you are really so powerful, Scottie, you can make this happen simply by handing over your FAs to us for a pittance. It would be a gesture of good will after what you put us through with A-Rod last year, and it would make you a god in New York.
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Unfortunately, it would make you the opposite everywhere else.
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Your choice, Scott. Use your power wisely.

More Real Estate on the Market – Make an Offer

Now that we’ve all had an aerial look at A-Rod’s Miami mansion that’s currently for sale, here’s another listing of note.

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It’s Derek Lowe’s Mediterranean-style house in Manhattan Beach (south of L.A.). Built two years ago, the 4,260 square-foot residence owned by the Dodgers pitcher/free agent consists of four bedrooms and five baths, plus (and this is a big selling point) a heated floor in the master bathroom – perfect for those damp, chilly mornings in coastal California. But wait! There’s more! Just a half-block from the ocean, the house boasts water views galore, not to mention a gourmet kitchen for your personal chef!
All this for only $5.7 million. Cheap compared to A-Rod’s place, right? Where does Lowe think he’s going?
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Anything is possible. The question is: Do Yankee fans want him in NY? Speaking for myself, I think he’d get clobbered by AL hitters if he came back to the league. But then I have zero credibility. I thought Javier Vasquez was a good signing and look how that turned out.

Sorry, Joe

I guess it wasn’t the Dodgers’ night. But it was only Game 1. No reason to be so down.

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I wish you had pulled Lowe sooner – he sure seemed like he was out of gas after Utley’s at bat – but, hey, you’re the manager. Besides, it was cool being a temporary Dodgers fan in the sense that I didn’t flip out when you lost, the way I would have if this had been the Yankees.
You must be having a great time with the fun players you get to work with now, especially Manny. I tried doing my hair like he does and I just couldn’t make it happen.
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And what a wild and crazy guy Lowe turned out to be, huh? He decided to have a roll in the grass in the middle of the game – with a Philly!
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Anyhow, I’ve got to say that watching National League games is a different experience for me. It’s like when I used to smoke cigarettes. I was a Marlboro person and when I couldn’t find my brand I’d switch to Winstons. They weren’t as good, but any cigarettes were better than no cigarettes.