Tagged: Carrie,

Victorious Over Blue Jays, Yanks Take On Red Socks

Sergio Mitre wasn’t an unmitigated disaster in the Yankees’ 8-4 win over the Jays on Wednesday night, but he didn’t last long enough to get the win – or any real vote of confidence from fans.
Sergio Mitre.jpg
He did, however, generate several suggestions for his look-alike, including one from commenter leekru, who insisted he’s the spitting image of celebrity has-been Wilmer Valderrama, except that Wilmer smiles occasionally.
At first, the offense seemed handcuffed by yet another rookie pitcher (this is the last – I mean last – time I’m spelling Rzepcyzynski), but they manufactured a couple of runs in the second and Swisher hit a bomb in the seventh to tie it at 3-3. The rest came off the Jays’ newly acquired reliever Roenicke. Poor guy. The Yanks singled and doubled him to death.
Damon’s homer in the ninth off Tallet made it unnecessary to use Mo (I didn’t see the need for Hughes either, but don’t get me started). Johnny had three RBIs. I always feel the Yanks are better with him in the lineup, in spite of his often adventuresome play in left field.
The bullpen did its job for the most part, and the Yanks have now won three straight. If only A-Rod would start hitting homers again. I miss his towering shots and his Clydesdale (hat tip: Was Watching) jog around the bases, but he’s got a different #5 hitter behind him in almost every game. It would be nice not to have a revolving door in that spot. 
And speaking of A-Rod…
…commenter TribeGirl is convinced his double is Daniel Sunjata, who not only stars on “Rescue Me” but played Reggie Jackson in “The Bronx Is Burning.”
But on to Thursday night’s series opener against Boston at the Stadium. Clearly, the Red Sox have owned the Yankees this season. So what can be done to reverse the disturbing trend? How can the offense get to former Braves legend John Smoltz, who is nearly 20 years older than Joba and, therefore, has much more experience on the mound? Once again, I reviewed videotape before making my recommendations.
#1) Smoltz said, “The biggest challenge for them is to tame me down.” 
There are several ways to tame Smoltz down. One is for the Yankees to hire a cowboy and lasso him.
Another is for trainers Gene Monahan and Steve Donahue to immobilize Smoltz using one of these. 
And a third way is simply to summon Yankee Stadium security to do their job.
#2) Smoltz referred to his “blood boiling” and how he can’t get enough of that.
Perhaps the Yankees could test the veracity of that statement by getting a clubhouse attendant (or that merry prankster, A.J. Burnett) to sneak into the visitors dugout and give Smoltz the Carrie treatment?
#3) Smoltz maintained that he’s “a full boar guy.”
Maybe the Yankees should call someone at the Bronx Zoo and get one of their own.
Or did he mean he was a “full bore guy?”
I’ll let Joe Girardi and his coaches interpret. Bottom line? Joba needs to have a great outing. If he does, the Yanks will be just fine.
Oh. I almost forgot. I have one more ballplayer/celebrity look-alike, this one courtesy of Newsday.

Watching The Yankees = Watching A Horror Movie

For three straight days I was tortured by the Red Sox and their merriment. Tonight, in the Yankees’ 4-2 loss to the Tigers at Comerica, I was tortured by Justin Verlander and his 99-mph fastball. Watching my team lately has taken on the feel of this.
Every horror movie has a few likable, heroic characters, and tonight’s game was no different. Cano kept hitting (why wasn’t he batting cleanup?). CC gave the pen a night off (loved the fourth when he K-ed Ordonez, Cabrera and Guillen; he could have gotten a “W” if he’d had a little run support). And Pena continued to show why he’s a better utility infielder than both Ransom and Berroa (duh).
And then there were the scary villains….
* Justin Verlander and his high cheese.
* Placido Domingo Polanco and his oddly shaped head.
placido polanco.jpg
* Magglio Ordonez and his oddly shaped hair.
* Jorge Posada and his tendency to ground into rally-killing double plays.
It’s true that the Yankees didn’t arrive in Detroit until the wee hours of the morning and were probably as tired as they looked. But isn’t that what this is for?
Getting back to “Carrie,” I was thinking how empowering it would be to have her gift of telekinesis – to make things happen just by thinking about them.
Here are a few ways I would use my power to help the Yankees…
* I would heal A-Rod, Nady, Bruney and the newly banged up Damon.
* I would fix Wang’s mechanics and, if necessary, his mind.
* I would turn Brett Gardner, Melky Cabrera and Nick Swisher into better hitters. (Swish is spiraling back down to earth. I can feel it.)
* I would command Jose Veras not to walk anybody. Ditto: Marte.
* I would put ten pounds on Edwar Ramirez, as well as give him another pitch besides the change-up.
* I would make Jeter five years younger.
* I would leave Mo exactly the way he is.
* I would trade Kei Igawa for Roy Halladay straight up.
* I would insure that the Yankees win their 27th championship this year.
* I would haunt anybody who tried to thwart me.