Has-Beens Or Possible Contributors?

That’s what I’m wondering after reading that the Yankees have added Andruw Jones to their list of possible right-handed hitters to play this year’s version of Marcus Thames.
My first thought was why didn’t we just re-sign Thames? Because he can’t field the ball in the outfield? Neither can the other names that have been bandied about: Manny Ramirez and Vlad Guerrero. Would any of these guys settle for a role on the bench? And even if they would and their price tags weren’t too high, would I want them?
What I want, for the 150th time, is a starting pitcher whose name is Andy Pettitte, plus another guy whose name is Felix Hernandez. Is that too much to ask? Here’s what I’m offering Brian Cashman if he can make just one of those options happen:
* The chocolate cake I baked for my friend Rhonda’s Thanksgiving.
* The chicken and barley stew I cooked for Michael the other night.
* The bottle of Syrah that was served at the New Year’s Eve party I went to.
OK, clearly those aren’t that enticing. I need to step it up. How about:
* My Porsche Boxster S. It’s old but it’s still a beauty.
* My book collection. Romantic novels might not be Cash’s thing, but so what.
* My TVs. Sure he already has some, but who doesn’t need more TVs?
* My husband. Yes, I’d miss Michael, but sacrifices are what being a fan is all about.


  1. blithescribe

    Thank you for the much needed laugh tonight! I’d be careful about how you present this trade proposal to your husband or he might start lobbying Cashman to forget about pitchers and just sign Manny or something. Although, if Michael didn’t have the foresight to include a no-trade clause in his contract, I suppose it’s his own fault.
    – Kristen

  2. antonella

    LOL! Oh my, Jane! I wonder how Michael feels abt this.. I’m sure he’d do anything to make you happy though LOL!

  3. ooaooa

    Pardon the pun but you are starting to sound like a “Desperate Yankee Housewife”. I told you things will happen to make us happy very soon. Michael, you are OWED big time!

  4. Jane Heller

    Michael never asked for a no-trade clause in our marriage vows, Kristen, so he’s fair game as far as I’m concerned. Maybe he should have hired Scott Boras.

    He said he’d do anything to make me happy, Antonella. I wonder if that includes getting shipped out for Pettitte or King Felix? He should have been more specific. LOL.

    Brian couldn’t handle Michael is right, Paul. He’d probably pass him off to Jean Afterman to handle. Or Girardi. And maybe they’d decide to leave him in Scranton or even Trenton.

    “Desperate Yankee Housewives.” What a great idea for a TV series on the YES Network, John! Sign me right up. I could be the new Snooki. *Gag*

    That’s what I thought, Mark. I just don’t see it happening.

    You assume correctly, Jeff. I wrote the post without consulting Michael. Guilty as charged. As we were going to bed, I casually mentioned that he might want to look at the post. LOL.

  5. dschaub@gpo.gov

    Hmmm…so many choices…!!
    Yeah, may as well throw in yer husband…after all, Michael is such an easygoing, versatile guy…the Yanks could use him for:
    (1) skipper for Yankee Boat Cruises (likely his 1st choice)
    (2) culinary critic for Yankee Cuisine (I mean…really…gotta keep the customers satisfied…featuring Gateau Chocolat [Cake] a la She-Fanne)
    (3) architectural planner for future Yankee HOF wing(s) and things…
    Hey, the more ya think about it…it…could…work!!
    Either that, or ask the Blog Nation if they have any other excess/useless items to offer Da Yanks. As for me — I have a limitless collection of cassettes — yes, those unwanted red-headed stepchildren between records and CDs — that fill up many a shelf and mostly gather dust — even got a player or two that still works! Michael could be the new “Voice of the Yankees,” and supplement it by going thru all these tapes for just the right tunes to bolster Our Boyz on the ballfield…!

  6. Jane Heller

    All good suggestions, Dave. Actually, you forgot that Michael could be the team photographer! And I’m sure Cashman would enjoy your collection of cassettes if he could find a machine to play them on. LOL. As for other bloggers offering up sacrifices, Jason on Facebook said he give us his left arm. I really think we’re on a roll here.

  7. Jane Heller

    The chocolate cake is a good choice, Ron. It really came out great. Cashman would lick his lips.

    I don’t want Joe Blanton, phan52!

  8. crzblue2

    Andrw Jones! really?? One of the nicknames Dodgers fans had for him was “the cow from Curacao” after all the weight he gained. I don’t know what happened to him after being good with the Braves.
    So what did Michael say when he saw the post?

  9. Jane Heller

    The cow from Curacao, Emma? That’s quite a nickname. Lol. I don’t know if the Yankees are really interested in him or they’re just checking in with all the free agents out there. Funny that you got the invite to the Girardi dinner. Wish I could go.

  10. raysrenegade

    Even better to have a guy with the moniker “King” ikn pinstripes.
    Nopt sure this would happen unless the M’s fall out of contention and the Yankees sweeten the pot with a double dose of your chocolate cake.
    Still even thew thought of you giving Michael a bording pass to a sea-side community like Seattle might be a good mid-Summer trip for him to boat both on the lake, travel through Ballard Locks to Puget Sound on out into the Pacific, make a hard left turn and be in So Cal by post season.
    Always a bad idea to send a sailor to a town where people used to be shanghai’ed.

    Rays Renegade


  11. medicap325@mchsi.com

    Not sure what my husband would do if I offered him up in a trade. He already thinks this whole Yankees obsession is a cult and our children are being indoctrinated against his will. I do know I would definitely NOT trade him for Manny. We do not need him or his attitude in our clubhouse. Resign Thames.

  12. Jane Heller

    I thought Jones had lost of weight, Joe. Thanks for confirming that.

    You think a double dose of my chocolate cake would be the ticket to getting Felix, Renegade? I’m willing to wait (sort of), although I doubt the M’s will ever BE in contention this season. Michael would love Seattle in the summer, but he’d come running back to CA once the rains came.

    LOL, medicap. Our Yankees obsession is definitely a cult! And no, I wouldn’t trade my husband for Manny either. I don’t want Mr. Ramirez anywhere near our clubhouse.

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