Fun in Arkansas With Cashman and Mr./ Mrs. Lee

As everyone knows by now, Brian Cashman flew down to Arkansas for a visit with Cliff Lee and his wife Kristen. Presumably, his goal was to express the Yankees’ keen interest in signing Lee as well as answer any questions the couple might have about life in New York – and, of course, to allay Mrs. L’s fears about boorish Yankee fans. But how did the meeting go? Nobody’s coming out with details, so I decided I needed to flesh things out for myself. Here’s how I think it went down today…
* Cashman drove up to Mr. and Mrs. Lee’s big new house, rang the doorbell and was greeted by the entire Lee clan, Southern hospitality being what it is.
* He arrived bearing gifts – some toys for the kids with a slight subliminal message.
Yankee doll.jpg
* Mrs. Lee sent the children off to play with their presents and invited Cash to sit down for lunch. She had decided to use her favorite caterer.
* Despite the fact that Cash watches his diet and almost never eats fried foods (especially chicken skin), he threw back a few legs and thighs while he described the joys of playing for the New York Yankees. He talked about the franchise’s history and tradition. He ticked off the names of all its legendary stars. He made a speech about how Yankee fans were the best ever, but he was interrupted by Mrs. Lee and the conversation detoured.
Kristen: “They spit at me and threw beer and shouted mean things. It hurt my heart.”
Cash: “I’m so sorry about that. But there are always a few bad apples at every ballpark.”
Cliff: “Mr. Cashman is right, honey. You know what happens when guys get all liquored up.”
Kristen: “They pass out, that’s what. These people didn’t pass out.”
Cash: “I can guarantee you, Kristen, that the same scenario would never happen if your husband came to pitch for us. You’d be treated like royalty.”
Kristen: “I don’t know about that. I talked to Karen Burnett the other day and she said the fans boo her whenever A.J. has a bad game.”
Cash (laughs): “Your husband will never have a bad game, so no worries.”
Cliff: “Nice of you to say, Mr. Cashman.”
Cash: “Brian.”
Cliff: “Brian. But sometimes it’s just not my day and I stink up the joint. What then?”
Cash: “Cliff, the fans will love you. I’m so certain of it that I’ll put a ‘boo clause’ in your contract. You’ll get an additional $50,000 for every game involving fans booing you or your wife. Fair?”
Cliff: “Extremely.” (Turns to his wife) “What do you say, honey?”
Kristen: “Very fair. But Brian, I have to be sure we’ll be happy with the Yankees. You understand.”
Cash: “I do. And I promise you that if you join the Yankee family you’ll never regret it. Look at me. I’ve been in the organization since I was a kid. The Steinbrenners are the best owners in baseball.”
Kristen: “Nolan Ryan said he was the best owner. He was here yesterday.”
Cash: “Did he make an offer?”
Cliff: “No. We just went hunting. Do you hunt, Brian?”
Cash (panicking): “Um, I play tennis. There isn’t much hunting in Connecticut, although we do have a lot of deer.”
Kristen: “Nolan said we should stay in Texas.”
Cash: “We’ve got better shopping up in New York. Ask Leigh Teixeira.”
Kristen: “I’ve never met her but Amber Sabathia says she’s super sweet.”
Cash: “They’ll take you to Saks and Neiman’s and Bloomie’s. You ladies will have a blast together.”
Kristen (bolting up from the table): “Designer shoes and dresses and everything! I want Cliffy to be a Yankee! Where do we sign?”
And that was that. Mission accomplished. I think.


  1. yankeepaul

    ahahahaha! Marvellous!
    I wish things went this way!
    My fav part:
    “Cliff: “Nice of you to say, Mr. Cashman.”

    Cash: “Brian.”” xD

    It’s such a pleasure when you start my day making me laugh, Jane! 😀

  2. devilabrit

    I like that you decided to ‘Flesh’ things out for yourself…
    LOL at Kristen being sold on the shopping, are you sure you weren’t watching the Kardashians in New York.. LOL


    Phillies Outside

  3. abby1306

    *ROFL* Hilarious! My favorite part is the same as yankeepauls plus the “boo-clause”. And I wouldn’t even be surprised if it actually went like that or at least similar…hehe!
    Let’s see if any information about that meeting gets public. Maybe after we sign Cliff Lee (or not). 😉
    Thanks for the laugh, it made my day (even though the day is already half over and I just got back from work – ha ha!).

    Oh Jane btw. I actually planned my vacation to NYC because of the Yankees. 😀 The plan is to take my best friend (who isn’t a baseball fan – yet) and watch the 9 games between July 22nd and 31st at Yankee Stadium. Hope that works out. It would be awesome to meet you there! 🙂

    – Nadine


    What adorable kids! Loved their caterer, and Cashman saying he plays tennis. What a manly man!

    Speaking of manly men, I was laughing about the She-Fan voting. The guys seem to vote for a woman based on looks. Yet if we she fans voted for the MVP based on who we thought was a “cutie” or a “hottie” we would be made fun of. Oh you silly men! Next thing you know you’ll be saying you like your team because of their uniforms. ; – )


  5. ladyjane303

    Hah, loved it! And thanks for the plug (you know what I mean).
    So glad your mom won the Golden Fan award.

    (sorry if this posts twice – the system is acting funny this morning)


    OMG, Jane – that was hysterical. I guess it’s been a while since I have had the opportunity to enjoy any of your writing (story-line, not blog) so it was a pleasant surprise. I truly don’t know what’s going to happen with Lee and the Yankees but we’ll see. GO CASHMAN!!!

  7. Jane Heller

    Glad you started the day with a laugh, yankeepaul. I wish the meeting had gone that way too – but maybe it did!

    Actually, Peter, I’ve never once watched the Kardashians do anything, and I’m probably the only one in America who hasn’t. I’m still scratching my head over how those girls became “famous” for doing nothing, but then Paris Hilton must have been their role model.

    Maybe we’ll hear something about the meeting today, Nadine. Or maybe it’s already out there. I just got up this morning so I haven’t plunged into the news and blogs yet. You’ll be going to NINE games while you’re in NY? That’s tremendous!

    She looks like a prom queen, Paul. Very pretty and wholesome. But I bet she could be corrupted by the right shopping spree. (And yes, MLBlogs. I’ve been having trouble posting myself. Driving me nuts.)

    Wasn’t that interesting about the guys’ voting yesterday, Melissa? If we voted for a player based on his “cuteness,” as you say, we’d be trashed as not “real fans.” But since this blog isn’t exactly the most serious and straight faced, I’ll give them a pass this time.

    You’re welcome, ladyjane. I placed an order yesterday. Tee hee.

    HAHA, Diane. I guess this post will give you a taste of my She-Fan screenplay, although that’s R-rated and this is for a G-audience. Anyhow, I’m dying to know how it went with the Lees so I had to make something up.

    Yes, I’ve gone back to fiction, Jeff. At least with the KFC part. My guess is that Cashman took them to a fancy restaurant in Little Rock and said, “My treat. You can even order dessert.”


    Jane, I’m with you. I’m still not even quite sure who the Kardashians are, though I do remember some aliens with a name like that on Star Trek: Deep Space 9.

    I’ve often wondered about the good looks thing when it comes to pitchers. If you look at all pitchers, almost all of them are good looking (usually in that all american football hero (aka boring!) way). Is it because being good looking makes you more noticed, so the coaches pick you out? Is it because the star athlete football captain type is usually asked to pitch? Is there a gene linking looks and pitching talent? (A notable exception is Randy Johnson, who must have been noticed for pure talent.)


  9. James Buxton

    You’re a Genius Jane; this is by far the best thing in my day.
    Dear Melissa, all men vote for something based on the looks, but nobody will tell you that. And in my defense, I really think those pinstriped uniforms are sooooo lovely…, ahem! manly! Yes… well, I vote for MOM (Nurse Rachel is so lovely, I admit that). My sister, on the other hand, fell in love with baseball not because I played it, but because of The Captain, Tino, Paul, Andy, and Mo. Talk about Looks
    I hope the meeting with the Lees were exactly as you describe it Jane, The “boo Clause” was the best, I want one in my contract!!!. You’re a great, great writer Jane.

  10. Jane Heller

    Well, nobody’s talking about the meeting so I figured I’d better come up with something, Scott. I’m sure it was all very cordial. Supposedly, there’s an invitation for Lee to come to NY to look around. I hope he takes it.

    A genius? I doubt that, James, but I’m glad you enjoyed the post. And why not throw in a “boo clause,” right? Cashman has to try everything in his power to make this happen!

  11. Jane Heller

    I don’t know about your pitchers-being-good-looking theory, Melissa. I can think of quite a few, besides Randy Johnson, who wouldn’t be on my list of studs. But I agree that star athletes are generally the cute, popular guys in school and maybe those athletes gravitate toward pitching. This could be an interesting research project!

  12. Jane Heller

    A lot of the Yankee wives are attractive, Matt. And how about Jeter’s girlfriend, Minka Kelly? Wasn’t she just voted the sexiest woman alive by Esquire?

    Did CC’s contract have that in it, Babu? I don’t remember. I do know he loved hitting when he was in the NL.

  13. raysrenegade

    Loved the idea of the “Boo-Bonus”.
    Thank goodness you never wrote that same idea when Barry Bonds was still playing, he would have owned the Giants by now.
    It is normal for the visiting team, and even their families to get a bit of the raspberries when they venture into a stadium like Yankee Stadium.
    I honestly think it will mean more to Mrs Lee that both the female side of the Burnett and Sabathia clans love the city. Becuase a woman who dates a professional athlete always need s a good support bond even within the home team wive’s section.

    Rays Renegade

  14. Jane Heller

    I agree, Renegade, about the female support group Mrs. Lee would have and how important it is. She already knows Amber Sabathia and Karen Burnett and I’m sure the other wives would be equally supportive.

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