An Open Letter To The Yankees

Dear Yankees,

It’s my birthday tomorrow (Sunday, May 2nd), so I’ll be taking the day off from blogging, tweeting and watching/listening to the finale against the White Sox. While I’m out celebrating, here’s what I’d like to happen on your end.
* Heal Curtis Granderson’s groin. (Chan Ho Park’s hammy too.)

* Insist that Kevin Long fix Nick Johnson’s swing.

* Make Dave Eiland figure out what’s wrong with Robertson, Marte and, yes, Vazquez. (More on him in a sec.)

* Give Sergio Mitre a raise.

* Let A-Rod know that no one will mind if he passes Frank Robinson on the home run list.

* Remind Cano that April streaks are nice, but it’s good to hit in May too.

* Congratulate Swisher for busting out of his Yankee Stadium slump.

* If you must call up Melancon, tell him not to plunk anybody.

* Instead of using Thames/Winn in left, how about calling up Jon Weber or Colin Curtis.

* Tell Javy I didn’t boo him today. Well, not out loud. Sure, I want him to pitch better, but it’s not as if he’s screwing up on purpose. So tell him I support him…for now.

* Please win on my birthday. You hardly ever do, but try.
Love and xxoo, She-Fan
P.S. I got birthday flowers from Mike Fierman, Friend of the Blog and all-around great guy. Take a look!
she fan bday2.jpg
P.P.S. I also got a cake from Melissa!!!


  1. robb

    I can certainly relate. The Yankees never win on my birthday, either. Hope you get you birthday wish, and they destroy Buerhle tomorrow.


    The Yankees should tell Marte that it’s the post-season. Clearly, he seems to like pitching under that kind of pressure.

    Oh, and they should also remind D-Rob that striking out people isn’t a bad thing; it’s a MUST!

    Have a great birthday Jane!


  3. Jane Heller

    I hope so too, Robb. Total destruction!

    Thanks, Emma. Maybe I’ll get all my wishes or at least a few.

  4. Jane Heller

    How did your comment sneak in there without me seeing it, Leah? Anyhow, yes, Marte should pretend it’s the playoffs every time he’s on the mound. And D-Rob needs to throw strikes!

  5. angelsgirl012

    haha funny how i’m reading this now because I was just about to write an open letter myself to the angels. Although I was inspired by another devoted fan (soccer) that wrote a very heated open letter to his team. Interestingly enough it was brilliantly written! Despite the fact that every word were like bullets to the chests of every person that had to do with the organization, it was a beautiful letter 😛

    Maybe i shouldn’t be that harsh!

    p.s. it’s 2:00 (i’m studying for exams, I miss sleep so much!) so HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU! HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAR MS HELLER! HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU! Hoping for a Yankee Win for you!


    Hi Jane! Happy Birthday. I just had my birthday 2 days ago and it was a pretty win. So, I wish the same for you on your special day -maybe they could have a little birthday winning streak, if everybody on this blog used it as a wish when they blow out the candles? Have a great day.

  7. ladyjane303

    Happy birthday Jane!!! I hope all your Yankee wishes come true. Will do my best to root them on for you today.


    All Together Now…to the tune of “16 Candles,” by The Crests (RIP, Johnny Maestro)…
    Yo — we love ya so —
    Sixteen Seasons
    For our fab Core Four
    Gives us sixty reasons
    Why we’d love sixteen more
    (How ’bout four times four?)
    Blow out the Pale Hose
    Just for old times’ sake
    Then, as our Birthday Jane knows
    Sweeter birthday cake!”

    That’s waay more than enuf. Sorry ’bout yesterday… REALLY sorry. Grandy got hurt on the kind of injury that we old weekend warriors get all the time…but we’re, um, slightly more advanced in age and in vastly worse shape. Oh, how painfully I/we can relate. As for Vazquez…oh nevermind, it’s your birthday. Let’s think happy thoughts…and please do have a GREAT one…ya earned it!!


    Yes, I was sitting in my chair, wearing my Swisher shirt when he hit that two run bomb. Just to see it all crumble down…but the Bosox and Rays lost too, so Happy Birthday! Usually the All-Star game is around my B-day, so I don’t even get a real game. And ldansky91 is 500% correct, I think Marte should have been the MVP for the playoffs, he got out EVERYONE. But now, I think that ring is throwing off his pitches. Also, since your video didn’t help Vasqueeze, Jane, I found my own. (Just replace Eliott Ness with Javier Vasnooze)
    This can also work for Nick Johnson. XD


    happy birthday, jane. i hope the yankees make it a happy one. i get greedy around my birthday and want them to win the day before so i have good birthday reading and on the day. last year the yankees were playing the sox and won around 1am–a rod walk off–and then won that night.
    too bad javier couldn’t give you that. i am feeling bad for him. i don’t think booing him is going to help but i don’t boo players. they aren’t trying to stink is how i think of it. i am ok today because the other teams lost and hughes is going to win on tbs today so i will watch.
    it is so much more fun to have a great bullpen but then again when the starter only goes 3 innings the bullpen is less likely to be great.
    tex will send you a tex message homerun for your birthday today is my prediction. i hope you have a great celebration.


    Hi Jane- I hope you have a really happy birthday. (Seems as if you’re doing something exotic if you’re away from the game). We will be getting the game down here in Florida today, so I’ll do some cheering (or yelling) for you. About another month here and then back to NJ, where we see all the games. Hope today is the start of a great year for you! Nancie

  12. bklyntrolleyblogger

    Happy Birthday M’lady!! I’ll be at the game today (you know why).
    Hope your day is special. May it be everything you want it to be.

  13. devilabrit

    Happy Birthday, you should be pampered on your birthday, so you should have someone else doing your blog or tweets as you dictate, alternatively you could just be normal and paartaaaaay hard…….

    Phillies Outside


    Happy birthday oh goddess of baseball fans!!

    I am ashamed to admit, it is my fault that Granderson got hurt. Just the other day, I was thinking how well the Yankees were playing and thought “now they just all have to stay healthy.” Look what happened!

    Let’s hope the merry month of May brings some booming bats for hitters 2,3, & 4, and some zippy pitches and pinpoint location for the struggling pitchers. And Jeter, Swisher, Cano, Gardner, Andy and AJ just keep on keepin’ on.


    HAPPY BIRTHDAY JANE!!! I’ve never kept track of the Yankees’ record on my birthday – they play the Tigers at home this year so we’ll see what happens.

    Glad you are actually going to take the day off – I’m happy that you are so consistent in your blog and in your responses to our comments, but I don’t know how you do it everyday.

    I think you’ve got a pretty good shot at a win today……….. HUUUUUGHES!!!! GO YANKEES!!!

    P.S. to Dave — once again, another great song adaptation. Keep up the good work.

  16. Jane Heller

    Hi, everyone. Couldn’t help ducking in for a look at the comments before I go off on my adventure (my husband’s taking me on some surprise outing – don’t know what it is yet). Thanks for all the great birthday wishes. (Colin Curtis is on the DL, scp23? Rats.) Hope everyone has a great day! Later….


    Happy Birthday Jane! So far so good…I think they’re trying extra hard today just for you! Hope you’re having a great day!


    during this totally enjoyable game i kept thinking this is a nice birthday present for jane and i can’t believe my dad chose to go shopping instead of watching this game. clearly he and i have different priorities. hughes was awesome–although the white sox lineup is not good which makes javy’s game look even worse. i loved thames catch and i loved the offense clicking. that was fun.
    i hope the adventure your husband planned was as good.
    ps i am already nervous for javy pitching at fenway friday night unless they skip his turn.

  19. Jane Heller

    Here I am again (in between birthday adventures) with more thanks to everyone for the kind birthday wishes. Did I get a great present or what? I was on a sailboat when I saw the score and will watch the replay of the game later, but whoa! Just whoa! Huuuuuuuughes!



    Glad to hear you’ve had a great birthday. Sorry my good wishes are so late, but I missed everything today because of a family gathering. I’ll probably fall asleep watching the replay of today’s game.

  21. cookie4

    Thanks for sharing your birthday gift with all of us ! Hughes continues to be what everyone expected him to be last year (only better) ! The bats were hot and thank goodness the calendar has changed to MAY for Tex !!! Unfortunately the injury bug is rearing its’ ugly head. Hope the depth of the team is sufficient. Should be interesting to see who they bring up from SWB to help with the outfield.
    It was a pretty good day today…especially since the Sox got swept by the O’s. Now the Yanks should return the favor and sweep the O’s !
    Again, Happy Birthday… and GO YANKEES !

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