Yanks Beat Anthony Michael Hall 5-3

Some people said it would be nearly impossible for the Yankees to get a win at the Rogers Centre, given that the formidable Roy Halladay would be on the mound. (I was one of those people.) But it happened. The Yanks scored five runs off him, including homers by Damon, Tex and Matsui, and although he threw a complete game, he went to the showers a loser. Now come comparisons between the former Cy Young award winner…

…and the former teen movie idol and “Breakfast Club” star Anthony Michael Hall.
(OK, they look more alike since Roy shaved off his beard. Thanks to Yankeemeg for the heads up.)
Andy Pettitte was terrific over his six-plus. And while Hughes is no longer the Scoreless Wonder in relief and Mo looked a little shaky (memo to Girardi: stop dragging him into games in the eighth inning; he gets tired in August), the defense was impressive (clap clap clap for Melky’s running grab of Wells’ fly ball in the seventh, as well as some pretty snappy double plays started by A-Rod and Tex). All in all, this was a fun game to watch. It moved right along, as pitcher’s duels do, and kept me riveted. These two look glued to the action, don’t they?
Everybody was all huggy and kissy at the end, just the way I like it.
My question is: Can the Yankees do it again on Wednesday night with Sergio Mitre getting the nod?
Sergio Mitre.jpg
I’m nervous about this one. So I figured I’d better come up with more strategies to help the Yankees pull off a “W.” Once again, I analyzed video.
Here are my recommendations to Sergio based on his responses.
#1) Since you said that the NL is easier because the ninth batter is the pitcher, pretend the Jays’ ninth batter, Bautista, is the pitcher. And try not to let your eyes cross when you see the pitcher’s name. It’s Marc Rzepczynski. Only two vowels. Seriously.

#2) You compared your sinker to Wang’s, but said he throws a little harder than you do. He won 19 games twice before he got injured. What are you waiting for? Throw harder.
#3) You admitted that you were over-hyped for your first start, because the fans at Yankee Stadium were so loud and excited. What’s your excuse after your last start, which was in Chicago? Wear earplugs if the crowd noise is bothering you.

#4) You had Tommy John surgery, which is practically like having your arm replaced. You’re bionic, dude. Act like it.
#5) You talked about the Yankees offense being there behind you. If you want them behind you in Toronto, you need to smile at them a little. You’re way too serious. Spend some time with the Melkman and lighten up.
#6) You told the interviewer your goal is to stay healthy. How about trying some of this?
Oopsie. You already did, and it cost you 50 games. Maybe One-A-Day would work just as well?
My final words to you, Sergio, are these: “Get people out.” I hope you hear them. Good luck.


  1. lenn23

    The thing that I feel the best about this game is the way Andy pitched. He’s been running into some real bad luck the past few weeks as far as picking up wins is concerned. Sergio shouldn’t be worried about the noise in Toronto as there is none. That stadium has to have the most quietest fans in the league. They face another pitcher that they’ve never faced before later on tonight. I hope they don’t expend too much energy trying to pronounce his name!

  2. tribegirl13

    OK Jane! I can’t believe someone else plays this game besides me!! The guys over at RJG don’t really have this same interest, LOL! Here’s one for ya…Grady Sizemore looks like he could be Andy Pettitte’s little brother. Check them out side to side. The resemblance is striking! Speaking of Andy, he had a nice game – buuuuuut he scares me. I never know how he’s going to do! We’re going to need a lot of offense tomorrow – I don’t know anything about this R$##@$%$%&^ with-2-vowels-pitcher, but Mitre hasn’t proven himself yet!

  3. heartruss

    Jane, I was laughing for a good five minutes and just came up for air. You are too much. By the way our Dodger pitchers are actually hitting. Guillermo Mota had a base hit and Rbi, first time in five years. And Jason Schmidt was a pinch hitter and hit a base hit. Pretty good after being on DL for two seasons.

  4. diane.anziano@gmail.com

    Jane, I’m not sure what I enjoy more, your tremendous analytical skills or your incredible comedic nature. You were correct on everything except the 4-out issues with Mariano. He was unsteady from the first pitch. It seemed to me, and I think the announcers also mentioned, that he was too strong and had no ability to place those amazing pitches. I’m also not sure if Damon should have been able to get that long fly ball that caused the late game rally. He has made some really poor plays this season but I guess his bat and his base running probably out-weigh the less than stellar defense. Boston played a tough game in Tampa last night that went into extra innings and they eventually lost putting us back up 1 1/2 games. Would like to gain another game on them before they head into the Bronx — I’m not one of the Yankees fans that enjoys when they play the Sux, especially this season. I’m glad Mitre doesn’t have to face them but then again none of our pitchers has done well against them this year. Okay, I’ve written way more than I expected to. GO YANKEES!!!

  5. scofid

    I am concerned about today’s game too. I wish I could feel more confident with Mitre on the mound, but I don’t. I am not sure what waiver deals will be available for Brian Cashman, but hopefully, he’ll be able to find an upgrade without sacrificing top talent. I saw that your “favorite” reliever was DFA’d in Cleveland. With the four game set against the Sox looming, I hope the Yanks can end the road trip on a positive note and head home for the showdown. It’s time to end the 0-for-8 streak.


  6. ooaooa

    The “old fashioned way” I suggested worked last night. Lets give it another chance tonight and then come up with some sick way to sweep the weekend! We need tonight and at least 3 of 4 against the Roid Sox.

  7. Yankees Reality Check

    Jane – you’re right. Serge is way too uptight. He needs something to make him relax those face muscles. Maybe AJ should hit him with the whipped-cream pie just for the heck of it.

  8. southernbelle

    Jane: My stomach hurts from the boundless laughter this entry sent me into! I noticed that Mitre is really serious. It seems like he never says a word. He’s really good looking. It was always hard to see his face when he pitched, but in that interview I really saw it. I hope he takes your advice to pitch better, cuz I want him to stay here so I can feast my eyes upon him. That steroid thing was a bit insulting, but I couldn’t help but to laugh. I used that pic of Melky for something on my blog. Leche is such a goofball!
    Also, I put 2 celebrity look alikes on my blog, if you are interested. I would like to know from the master if they are good. -Virginia

  9. Kaybee

    Haha, great advice to Sergio. I think he needs a good dose fo confidence, he looks kind of skeptical in that picture. Like a “do I really think I’m going to win tonight?” kind of look. Hope he does well for you guys…

  10. redstatebluestate

    Who knew Andro came in such cool packaging? Jane, you really do enjoy comparing big leaguers with celebrities. Ha! They’re pretty funny. Sorry I can’t come up with any witty ones right now but you’ve got that covered. I did (somewhat recently) have a post where I compared the photos of Carlos Quentin and Herve Villechaizebecause and found that indeed they are the same person (despite the height of course).

  11. Jane Heller

    Andy totally deserved that win, Len. Not only was he spectacular, but he’d had such tough luck in his previous starts that he was due for a “W.” The crowds in Toronto are interesting. Sometimes they’re very quiet, as if nobody’s there (which is often the case). But they can also be very rowdy, as when the game was stopped because some drunken fans ran on the field. (They’ve had streakers too.) And yes, we’ll be facing Whatshisname tonight, a pitcher the Yanks haven’t seen. Could spell trouble????

    Andy and Grady? Will have to check that out, TribeGirl. Maybe it’s the cleft chin? Maybe Mitre will listen to my suggestions and surprise everybody.

    “You are too much.” My husband tells me that all the time, Cat. LOL. That’s great that your pitchers are such good hitters. CC is pretty good with a bat, but the others look scared to death at the plate.

    Diane, I agree with you about Mo. I said he looked shaky and he did – right from the first pitch. I’m not happy that Joe keeps bringing him in to get the last out in the eighth. I would have let Hughes get out of his own mess and prove he can do it. Torre did the same thing and it drove me nuts too. There’s a reason Mo has the August blahs every year. He’s tired! On Damon’s catch, I actually thought he made a good try for it. He’s had some adventures out there, but he really threw his body at the wall. I think the ball was just out of his reach, period. He’s been running very well, so it wasn’t a matter of not getting a good jump on it. That’s my take anyway. I watched the Tampa/Boston game when ours was over, and it was a nail biter. Very exciting.

    I’m not confident about Mitre either, Scott, but I’m beginning to be even less confident in the waivers market. Who can we get? Ponson? Again? Please, no. But this is why Cashman gets the big bucks. He’ll come up with somebody. Or maybe Mitre will have a better-than-expected outing tonight and we won’t need anybody. But as you say, it would be great to end the trip with a win and keep ourselves in first place with some padding, prior to the Boston series.

    John, we did win the old fashioned way, just as you suggested. There was timely hitting in the first inning and we took advantage of their mistakes and played good defense throughout – all that and a great outing from Pettitte. So on to tonight and more of the same!

    That’s it, YRC. AJ should just smear Mitre with whipped cream, loosen him up and he’ll pitch like a Cy Young winner. I like it!

    I’m not sure how long you’ll be able to feast your eyes on Mitre, Virginia. If he doesn’t pitch well soon, I think he may get a ticket back to Scranton. But in the meantime, let’s hope he’s more comfortable in his role and gets it done tonight. Will check out your lookalikes soon!

    Thanks, Kaybee. Sergio could probably use some confidence, and hanging around for more than four or five innings tonight would probably be the best way to get some.

    I think I remember that post, Jeff. I remember the pic of Herve in any case. Now that you mention it, maybe Sergio looks like him too!

  12. tribegirl13

    Hi Jane,
    Scott brought up Veras being DFA’d by the Tribe. Yeah, thanks for nothing guys! Who knew good old Carl Pavano would be our somewhat of an Ace? LOL!!!
    BTW – Carl Pavano / Steve Carell

  13. dschaub@gpo.gov

    Hoo boy (hoo girl?), good one to win last nite…all your clever schemes WORKED on RoyBoy! Now we have Mr. MXPTLK (or is it KLTPXM — remember from the Superman comix? — ahh, nevermind…). Senor Sergio needs a whole lotta run support, methinx, so if you could send the Yanks an e-mail telling them that yes, if they still think that they’re playing back home in the N.Y. JetStream, that’s OK with me…! The Wife went to bed with her Carmine Hose facing based loaded, O outs in the bottom of the 8th…so I did too, hopeful & happy…well, it worked out, but hoo girl, not like we thought! Anything can happen…even the NATS beat a team they hadn’t beat all year…hey…an Omen?!?

  14. ibleedpinstripes

    Once again, too funny! I actually didn’t have that many doubts about beating Halladay, which is odd. I had a feeling a lot of other things would be swimming around in that head of his and he’d be a little distracted. It seems as though I was right. Now I just hope Mitre can get his sh-tuff together and pitch well tonight. And if that can’t happen, I hope the bats are there to back him up!

    – Lisa

  15. Jane Heller

    Yeah, I wasn’t too fond of Veras, TribeGirl. He used to make me hide my eyes whenever he’d come in to pitch. Sorry he didn’t work out for you but I can’t say I’m surprised. Pavano, on the other hand, must love Cleveland! And yeah, he does remind me of Steve Carrell only without the sense of humor.

    Hey, the Nats beat the Yanks, Dave, so anything can happen. Maybe Sergio will throw a no-hitter.

    I had the same feeling, Lisa. The Yankees seem to do well against the top pitchers, as opposed to ones they haven’t faced….like the guy tonight!

  16. raysfanboy

    I recommend the One A Day gummies. Delicious. And easy on the stomach too.

    Love the look alikes. I think that Hall might have pitched better than Doc in last night’s game. What’s going on with that guy?

    Congrats on the win and moving 1 1/2 up on the Sox (which means, by association, congrats to my Rays too!).

  17. southernbelle

    Jane: I didn’t know you did Shatner/Trembley. Sorry to steal that. It’s really scary how they look like twins! I hope Mitre can find his good stuff. He can use the confidence. But if he doesn’t perform well, who will they use to replace him? This is why the Yanks really needed another starter before the deadline. And now with Joba and the innings limit, it’s a real mess. But I will stick by Mitre. He needs our support. Pitch well tonight, sexy! I probably wouldn’t say that to his face…heh heh…bye now! -Virginia

  18. Jane Heller

    I don’t think Doc’s been quite the same since he came off the DL, raysfanboy. He looked great at times, but the Yanks capitalized on his mistakes. And a big congrats to your Rays for winning that marathon. I watched from the 9th on and never expected it to last that long. You must have been biting your nails to the core!

    Not a problem at all, Virginia. I’m sure I wasn’t the first person to compare the two by any means. Yes, Mitre needs our support. More importantly, he needs the Yankees’ run support!

  19. crzblue2

    “And yes, we’ll be facing Whatshisname tonight, a pitcher the Yanks haven’t seen. Could spell trouble????””
    You are funny! I can never remember how to spell Doug M….. name so I just say “Eye chart”. At least he has vowels.

  20. Jane Heller

    When I saw that pitcher’s name, Emma, I had to rub my eyes. I thought Mientkiewicz was tough, but this one was impossible!

    Thanks for the heads-up, Julia. I’ll have to go check out the list.

  21. leekru@gmail.com

    Got one for ya Jane….

    Sergio Mitre looks EXACTLY like Wilmer Valderrama…

    Love the look-alikes. So much fun!

  22. Jane Heller

    I’ll have to Google a pic of Wilmer, leekru. I can’t remember what he looks like at the moment, but I promise I’ll check him out!

    Thanks, ballhawk. You’re sweet to stop by.

  23. welikeroywelikeroy

    Not even the Breakfast Club could save Halladay in that game. Crazy that you guys hit 3 homers off the Doc, again!. The Yanks are just THAT good this year. Tex is really proving to be the ‘bang for the buck.’ It was interesting to see Rivera have trouble as well.


  24. Jane Heller

    It was crazy, Jeremy. I certainly didn’t expect the Yanks to beat Halladay, let alone hit those homers off him. And I agree about Tex. He’s been the missing piece the Yankees have needed – a great first baseman who can hit. Mo did struggle, but he does that in August. Somehow, he gets the job done anyway.

    I never saw the movie, mattpeas! I guess I should rent it one of these days.

  25. brunkena@yahoo.de

    To be honest, I find Jane´s post always very funny. But this time aren´t these “suggestions” a bit to haeavy? I mean pushed too far? I didn´t laugh at these unlike many of the readers..mh, probably just a case of cross-cultural different perception of irony..

    Angelika Schuhe

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