A Ridiculous Day And A Ridiculous Game

It’s late – nearly 11:30 p.m. on the west coast – and Yankees-Rangers just ended, thanks to the two-and-a-half hour rain delay. Or should I say the hail delay?


I should have known the Yankees would lose this one. That’s just how things were going today.
For starters, I was making plane reservations for my trip to New York next month, and Delta and American Express mixed up the name on my ticket, causing me to spend literally hours on the phone trying to straighten everything out.
Next on my **** list was Apple. I was told by two customer service people that the dead battery inside my MacBook Pro would be replaced by a new one – under my warranty. But when it came time to hand it over? “It’s not covered. You have to buy it.” Oh, yeah?
Then I found out my car insurance was going up because of some new California tax and –
Never mind.
Suffice it to say, I was in a crummy mood by game time and hoped the Yanks would lift my spirits.
Hardly. They lost 7-3. What happened?
Joba had nothing.
Melky got hurt.
Aceves wasn’t good.
Neither was Coke.
Swisher and Damon grounded into DPs.
The Yankees left a ton of runners on base.
Sure, there were a few positives. A-Rod made a great play tagging out Kinsler at third; his hip looked just fine. Gardner, who took over for Melky, had three hits and stole three bases. And Tex homered again.
But mostly, it was like watching a lesson in futility. (Question for Girardi: If you’ve got Wang in the pen, why not use him?)
There were lighthearted moments. I was stuck with the Rangers’ Fox Sports Net announcers, and they turned out to be unintentionally hilarious.
Some examples….
Josh: “People say this team is error-prone, but errors are really subjective and don’t mean much.”
Tom: “Right. You can be a great guy and make a lot of errors. There’s a lot to be said for that.”

Or this, as Swisher steps up to bat….
Josh (completely serious): “They’re pitching carefully to Swisher with the number nine hitter coming up.”
Or this, after Davis strikes out for the millionth time…
Josh: “Contact continues to be the issue for him.”
How about this, as Vizquel walks to the plate…
Josh: “Good game for him tonight. He’s 0 for 3.”
Or this, as Cervelli stands in…
Josh: “He has a hit tonight. Otherwise, he’s 0 for 2.”
And my favorite of all, even better than Josh’s comment about A-Rod’s “clandestine canoodling with Madonna”…
Tom: “The Yankees’ runaway spending hasn’t gotten them anywhere.”
Josh: “Yeah. They’re like having the most expensive wedding cake ever but without a fork.”
Tom: “Although they’ve won twenty-six championships.”
Josh: “And the Rangers are still waiting for their first one.”
Even with the loss, it turned out to be a pretty fun evening.


  1. lenn23

    And I thought the guys on YES were bad. I guess the idiots you know are better than the idiots you don’t. When I listen to other teams’ broadcasts it seems they spend an inordinate time on the subject of payroll. I mean, come up with a new issue please! Where was Wang in this game? You gotta use him some time. Also, Swisher…what happened to him?

  2. juliasrants

    At least the Red Sox hail delay on Sunday was just a half and hour! It was a strange night all around baseball yesterday. Perhaps everyone was recovering from a long Memorial Day weekend. Here’s to better days!


  3. mikeeff

    you know iu’m glad i didn’t have to listen to those two knuckleheads, but your “greatest hits” gave me a laugh–so THANKS!

    yeah the game is best forgotten. swisher’s GIDP sent me reeling. at this point he’s a non-person to me. that’s the nicest thing i can say about jolly old st nick.

    i wonder wtf wang is doing on the 25 man roster if last night wasn’t a night to use him, when IS the right time? just curious…

    i’m thinking that melky is OK…hope it isn’t wishful thinking.

    will you be in nyc for any of the texas games in early june? i’ll be at all three.


  4. redstatebluestate

    Lewin is one of my favorites. He also wrote a ridiculous book called “Getting in the Game” which profiled how you might as well not even try to get a job in baseball unless you’re okay with working for nothing and/or already plugged into the old boy network. Interesting, but a waste of time. Still, he comes up with some funny off-the-cuff remarks which is always entertaining… especially when your team is used to losing (luckily for you, Jane, the Yankees do not qualify — in general).

  5. mlbmom

    Ridiculous is right Jane!!! Ridiculous rain, ridiculous hail, ridiculous rain delay for 2 1/2 hours. Ridiculous Joba had nothing. Ridiculous for the seventh inning stretch to happen at 12:05 am. Riciculous to leave as many men on base as you have hits.
    Today will be a better day in Texas.

  6. heartruss

    I remember when I used to visit Texas a lot a few years ago and it seemed there was always inclement weather, and that included hail. They used to have Hail Sales afterwards of cars dimpled with the hail. But I remember going to a Texas Rangers game in Arlington TX and it was at a place called Ameritex Stadium. What happened to it?

  7. Yankees Reality Check

    That was pretty ugly, all right. But it sounded like a great broadcast for unintentional comedy. The examples you gave reminded me of when I worked in a sports dept. at a newspaper. We had a wall of shame for mistakes and bad writing that made it into print. One of my favorites was, “Team X has never played Team Y. The last time they met…”
    Anyway, I’m hoping they will regroup tonight. Fingers crossed.

  8. nycbren64@mac.com

    Hi ya Jane,

    Loved reading your blog today ! Best thing with any connection to the yankee game . Where is swisher ? Where is Girardi’s mind when it comes to his bullpen? ( You said it, Wang ) Things do not go better with “COKE”. I never feel good when whey bring him in. Makes me want to switch to pepsi. ( or hard liquor ) Other than me ranting, thanks for a great blog , washed away that horrible game. Better luck today !

  9. PAUL

    I used to explode at those customer service people. There were two incidents in which my fiancee heard me on the phone through the door and stopped before coming in. One was with a raincheck from a Mets game. What she heard was this:

    “Uh, lemme tell you something: I’m gettin’ my money back one way or the other…”

    And the other was this with my bank about some charges for new checks:
    “Listen, the first thing you can do for me is lose the attitude…”

    I got what I wanted in both cases.

  10. dschaub@gpo.gov

    Glad to know you can be a great guy and make a lot of errors…reassuring for we the error-prone!! Sorry your day was so miserable — how do ya screw up Jane Heller? Hell Janer? I can understand Shmerler or Schaub, but come on! Yeah, there seems to be a bad luck/bad vibes/bad mojo to rain delays — the longer they are, the worse…as for Wang, when I played fantasy baseball via PC in the ’90s, we had a term for our inning-eaters that weren’t any good — the pig pitchers. Shoulda done a little rootin’ and snortin’ last nite. At least everybody else East lost too, except for those Orioles…

  11. Jane Heller

    Lori, you’re right about Scosha. HAHA! Their computer put my middle initial “S” into my last name, so the ticket read “Jane Sheller.” You wouldn’t believe how long it took to correct it – if they even did.

    Len, it’s true that we get used to our own guys, for better or worse. And you’re so right about the payroll thing. These two last night must have made a dig every six seconds about the money the Yankees spend. I mean, hello? How much did Hicks spend on A-Rod?

    You had hail too, Julia? Bizarre. Let’s hope order is restored!

    Cat, I listened to Vin the other night and I was amazed how sharp he still is. Not only that, he works alone and doesn’t need someone to chuckle with or talk about nonsense to. You’re lucky. But hail sales in Texas for dented cars? That’s pretty funny! As for the old stadium, I’m not sure what happened to it. I just know the new one in Arlington is supposed to be really nice.

    Mike, I wish I were going to the Texas games. Instead I’ll be in New York June 11-18 just in time for… the Nats. LOL. Don’t get me started on Swisher. Maybe he’s in a slump, but more likely he’s reverting to White Sox form. And please, don’t let Melky be seriously hurt.

    I can see where Lewin would come up with funny off-the-cuff stuff, Jeff. But his comments last night kept making me shake my head, like people do when Yogi talks. Nothing made sense!

    I wonder that too, Russ. Maybe the talent pool isn’t so hot.

    Ridiculous is right, Wendy. I hope things will go better for you in Texas tonight. You must be having a great time there anyway with the Yanks in town.

    YRC, that example you gave was exactly the kind of thing they were saying last night. It just made my eyes cross!

    I had high hopes for Coke, Brendan. I knew he was susceptible to the long ball, because he throws strikes, but lately he hasn’t looked good. Nobody has, sadly.

    I did explode at the customer service people, Paul – in the end. I started off being very polite, then worked up to a mild irritation, then exasperation, then ANGER! Now they’re sending me emails asking me to fill out a survey about how I liked their service. Right.

    I did have some laughs, Kaybee. It helped ease the pain of losing.

    Dave, see above comment to Lori. They put “Sheller” into the computer instead of “Heller.” So simple and yet so complicated. Speaking of rain delays, I wonder what the Yankees’ record is when playing after them. Seems to me it’s not very good.

    They were definitely entertaining, Jenn. I’ll probably get the YES announcers tonight for the finale, but maybe not and I’ll have some more broadcast bloopers.

  12. latinyankeerebel


    sorry for not being able to post comments as I regularly do… but, if it makes feel better (or at least not alone) I’ve been having problems with my iBook so I haven’t been able to use my computer at home since sunday… and yes, I want to jump out of my window because I’m not connected (you see, I admit I have an addiction to the internet LOL)..

    anyway, I fell asleep have way through the game last ngiht, so thank goodness I didn’t watch it ’til the end because I would have been VERY mad…

  13. Jane Heller

    Poor you, Latinyankeerebel. I guess we need to learn to be less dependent on our techy toys or it’ll drive us us nuts. Let’s hope tonight’s game goes better for the Yanks.

  14. levelboss

    “..after Davis strikes out for the millionth time…

    Josh: “Contact continues to be the issue for him.”

    hilarious! Jane, your post made me feel better after last night’s disappointing game

  15. raysrenegade

    I think I better send you a Hebrew NationaL hot dog and a cool cold Ybor Gold to make the day/night go a bit better. The injury bug that is hitting a majority of the team this year is profound.
    Some of the injuries are from hustle and unfortunate matters, but other are just lingering things that are sapping teams of major runs, hits and playing time.
    Hopefully by the All-Star break we can get the injuries out of the way and begin to see 100 percent tough and ready baseball all the way to October.
    I can dream can’t I?

    Rays Renegade


  16. Jane Heller

    We will move on, Dillon. And we will win tonight! (I hope)

    Erin, the announcers were doing this song and dance about statistics and range, and while I agree that a player’s worth can’t always be measured in stats, their remarks were too funny not to mention!

    It made me feel better too, Levelboss. I was actually laughing as I typed it.

    It does seem as if the injuries are mounting at an usually high rate, Renegade. But maybe we say that every year? All I know is that it’s hard for everybody to keep patching.

  17. lenn23

    Pig pitchers! I think half our bullpen can be referred as that. By the way, I think the game on Extra Innings tonight will be the Texas announcers again. It might be on Espn2 also, although I don’t know if that would be an improvement.

  18. Paige Landsem

    Thanks for those gems from the Rangers announcers; I don’t know who it was specifically, but a Dodgers announcer yesterday said that the “Rockies have a rocky bullpen.”
    And I feel your excitement about going to NYC; I’ll be at the Yankees vs. Mets game two weeks from tomorrow!

  19. Jane Heller

    The announcers were funny, Jonnnnn. They made the game for me.

    Paige, I was thinking of trying to get tix for that series. But I decided to go during the week instead. Sorry I’ll be missing you!

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