She-Fan Exclusive: Personalized Scouting Report On Rangers

I don’t know anything about the Rangers, except that they’re the surprise first-place team in the AL West and their fans will boo A-Rod and Tex.

Oh, and that Josh Hamilton hit all those homers in the Derby at Yankee Stadium last year but didn’t win it.

What about the rest of the position players? The Yankees face them today and I felt the need to be more prepared. So here’s what I’ve learned.
1) Ian Kinsler.
He’s their leadoff guy and has 12 homers and 33 RBIs. But only one walk? Sounds like a free-swinger to me. Tip to Hughes: throw him stuff out of the zone.
2) Michael Young
He went to college at Cal-Santa Barbara? I didn’t even know there was a Cal-Santa Barbara and I live here. Hm. But his favorite player growing up was Mattingly and he’s the ambassador for Wipe Out Kids’ Cancer, so he must be a good guy.
3) John Hamilton.
Mr. Home Run Derby only has six dingers so far this season, so he must be due. Tip to Hughes: don’t groove any.
4) Nelson Cruz.
cruz.jpgA former basketball player in the Dominican, he can probably leap for balls in the outfield. Tip to Yankees: hit hard liners into the gap, not in the air.
5) Marlon Byrd.
Not much to say here, except that one of his hobbies is weightlifting and that his favorite TV show growing up was “The Cosby Show.” Tip to Yankees: don’t let him lift you and mention Phylicia Rashad.
6) Chris Davis.
He was selected by the Yankees out of high school in the 2004 draft – but didn’t sign. The nerve. So far this season, he has SIXTY-FOUR STRIKEOUTS. Tip to Hughes: be aggressive in the zone and go right at him.
7) Jarrod Saltalamacchia.
Not only does he have the longest last name in the majors, but he was born on my birthday. That means he’s a Taurus and is very stubborn. Tip to Yankees: don’t argue with him.
8) Elvis Andrus.
I wonder how many times his teammates have said, after a game, “Elvis has left the building.” The Venezuelan-born rookie shortstop has an older brother named Erold in the Rays organization. But the real point of interest is that his favorite player growing up was Derek Jeter. Tip to Jeter: Talk to him and he’ll be so star-struck he’ll screw up.
I’ll leave the pitching for another post. This should at least lay some groundwork for a successful series.


  1. raysrenegade

    Look out for their new slick shortstop. Elvis is in the building.
    He by and far the biggest surprise on that team this year. When Michael Young moved over to third, it did not seem it would work.
    I will eat those words, the kids is doing remarkable things in the 6-hole.
    He will be the name, besides Ian Kinsler that you curse tonight after the game.

    Rays Renegade

  2. Jane Heller

    Your feel-good story is down by 10 runs at the moment, Jeff.

    So far I’m not cursing any of the Rangers, Renegade. We’re having our way with them.

    Their monsters are quiet so far, Jonnnnnm.

    Yep, we’re doing great, Julia. I could use a blowout after all the tight games. But this one isn’t over yet.

  3. Jane Heller

    Finally, a blowout, Shelley! I don’t know about the pie thing. I’m pretty sure it’s reserved for home games.

    When/if is right, Dillon! LOL.

  4. hooksfan

    Jane, Elvis was one of the Frisco RoughRiders from last year that really stood out. I remember telling my wife during one of the games that we were at that we would be seeing him in the Major League very soon.

  5. Jane Heller

    You’ve got a good eye for talent, Dan. From what I hear, Elvis is going to be around the majors for a long time and has star potential.

  6. stonebutch99

    On being a Taurus: You mess with the bull and you get the horns. 😉

    I’m a Texan, but not a Texas Rangers fan. They continually annoy me since the franchise will NEVER understand the importance of quality pitching. They always chase after the power hitters. Therefore, I am exclusively an Astros fan.

    Oh, and I’m a Cowboys fan but not a Houston Texans fan. Go figure.
    Twitter: AGAME_

  7. Jane Heller

    Right on, Austin. I’m a bull!… Now that Nolan Ryan is at the helm of the Rangers, I’m sure they’re focusing more on pitching. But it didn’t show last night. Tonight with Millwood could be a different story.

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