The Yankees Win…Thanks To My Magic Pen!

I’m not saying that Phil Hughes didn’t play a major role in the Yanks’ 11-0 victory over Detroit. He was fantastic – throwing strikes, moving the ball around, pitching with authority instead of nibbling.
Molina’s grand slam didn’t hurt either, along with some impressive flashing of leather by Pena.
But I firmly believe that it was the cheesy pen I swiped from the Marriott Westshore in Tampa that caused the Tigers to spazz out in the seventh inning and hand the Yankees the win.
Look at the evidence.
Normally, I use another pen to keep score. When it ran out of ink at the end of the sixth, I grabbed the Marriott pen, which I didn’t even remember I had, and started recording each at-bat with it. The result?
Pure hell for Detroit.
Jim Leyland called on his relievers and was not amused when they couldn’t get it done. Doesn’t he look like he was having fun? I, on the other hand, was highly entertained watching someone else’s bullpen implode for a change.
jim leyland 500.jpg
Just as I was noting Ryan Perry’s ineptitude, Posada flied to left and the Tigers’ Josh Anderson misplayed the ball for an error, opening up the floodgates.
The Yankees piled on with some nice station-to-station hitting, culminating in Molina’s second career granny.
Mark Melancon pitched a scoreless inning, giving me hope for the future and providing the Tigers’ announcers with yet another name to butcher.
No, they’re not the worst I’ve ever heard, but they’re pretty lame. They blamed the near collision between Granderson and Ordonez on “loud crowd noise.” (Comerica was hardly a full house.) And when the camera found a drunken fan holding up a towel, one of them said, “Look! He’s waving his Rally ShamWow!”
Too bad I live up in the hills and am stuck with the Extra Innings package on cable; the only way I’d get YES for away games is if I had a dish on my roof.
But back to the magic pen. Obviously, it’s responsible for snapping the Yankees’ losing streak, and I will use it to score Wednesday night’s game. The Tigers will, of course, be toast.


  1. juliasrants

    I’m glad that Hughes had a great game. There was so much pressure riding on that young kid! What do you think of the fans who are saying that the Yankees play better when Molina is calling the game and that he should play behind the plate more then Posada?


  2. pinstripepride3

    I stole the same pen from the same hotel, and I lost mine yesterday. It must have been your pen’s evil twin: The Unlucky Pen. Now that it’s gone, I see a winning streak coming.

  3. PAUL

    Two things: Do you actually sit there keeping score? And Yankee fan or not, why would you WANT to sit there and listen to Michael Kay’s buffoonish buffoonery when you don’t have to? Or look at Kim Jones (who snubbed you)? Or Mike Francesa (who’s pompous and increases MY blood sugar with all the soda he inhales)? Or….you get the idea.
    The Tigers guys are okay; I like the local commercials too, like Belle Tire.

  4. jewsonfirst and

    Jane, I can definitely see Michael in that leather outfit!!! He’d look sharp!
    I’m also not a big fan of Michael Kay.

  5. Jane Heller

    Me too, Cat. An actual winning streak would be awfully nice.

    Actually, Julia, Hughes had much more pressure last season when he was slotted into the starting rotation. This year he’s getting an opportunity because of Wang not performing. As for Jorge, I don’t know what to say. I think Molina’s great, but he’s not an everyday catcher.

    Russ, at least I’m not the only one who keeps good luck charms!

    How weird that you lost your Marriott pen yesterday and I suddenly found mine, Pinstripe. Could be something metaphysical at work here.

    Paul, when I’m home watching the games, I do keep score in my own “loosey-goosey” way. I enjoy it. And if I end up doing a book about this season, I’ll have all my scribbles. I disagree on YES vs. Tigers announcers. As annoying as Michael Kay can be, at least I don’t have to hear all the stuff I already know about.

    Michael in leather. LOL, Ken!

    The reception isn’t so hot through that china plate, Jeff. That’s why I have cable.

  6. heartbeatofthebronx

    Haha GREAT stuff as always Jane. You are really a breath of fresh air amidst a lot of stale writing. There is actually a Marriott Hotel in my town of Park Ridge, NJ. Should I swipe a bunch of pens and pass them out at the next game I attend on May 18?

  7. Kaybee

    I had a pen like that too. One from a hotel someplace, with the wrong cap. I used it to write down the scores on my Padres schedule. It obviously didn’t work last year, so when I found out that it was out of ink a few weeks into Spring Training this year, it might have been a good thing. Now I have a new pen…and it seems to be working 🙂

  8. raysrenegade

    I will have to advise the Marriott authorities that you need a few more of those pens before the season is over.
    I wonder if they know the magic that is stored within its blue ink and plastic outer body.
    Maybe next year they will sell them at the front desk becuase of their extreme baseball rally ability.
    Heck, I might even go to the Westin and the Hilton downtown and accidently borrow a few pens with the intention of using them while I keep score at home too.
    But I think the 12 Vinoy Resorts pens that do not work were used in the 11 years between 1998-2007 when the Rays could not buy a winning season.
    Off to the Tampa Marriott to see a man about a horse.

    Rays Renegade

  9. Jane Heller

    Stephen, please do go over to that Marriott, swipe all their pens and pass them out at the May 18th game. Will you be sitting in the newly-reduced-priced Legends seats down in front? If so, wave to us.

    See that, Kaybee? Pens that help teams win are a precious commodity.

    I’m not letting myself get too excited about Hughes, Jason. He was so good when he first came up and then nothing. But he really did look great last night.

    LOL, Renegade. Whatever works.

  10. Jane Heller

    I’ll take the pen over the telekinesis, Sue. Less wear and tear on my already addled brain. Of course, if it doesn’t work tonight, it’s outta here!

  11. p

    Well, he’s looked great in the minors this year, and he hadn’t looked before because the kid is just 22-years old! He was pitching in the majors way too early, and now that he’s had some time to develop, although we’ll still see more growing pains, he’s ready to contribute at the major league level as proven against a tough lineup last night.

  12. Jane Heller

    He really has looked great in the minors. And now Kennedy has some sort of issue with numbness in his fingers?

  13. crzblue2

    🙂 Jane, I have the Marirott pens also. somehow they end up in my bag… Work uses that hotel chain for our business trips. I buy the BIG 5 score books and while keeping score I am also scribbling some clever thing that Vin is saying.


    You keep score. I love it. Now why did I/we not know this before? Are you self-taught, or did the ol’ uncles show you how to do it back in the day? I still have some VERY OLD scorecards, some going back to the early ’60s…cherished souvenirs to be sure. And oh yes, do wear that Lucky Pen out!! Of course, Jersey Bob immediately pointed out Who Was Catching last night, and who wasn’t…sigh…but at least Kid Phil showed us all something. Now let’s hope that they didn’t use up all their offensive output for the week…!

  15. asktigaflask

    I demand that you use that pen from now on. Clearly Merlin put it there for you to find and break the horrible streak. And if you refuse at least give it to me so I can hunt his bearded *** down.

  16. Lissi

    Detroit’s announcers suck. Almost as much as White Sox announcers. Not quite that bad, but hey do try. I’m gonna go ahead and call the Indians’ announcers the best announcers in the AL Central.
    That picture of the leather clad model is frightening. I would not want to run into that guy walking down the street.

  17. Yankees Reality Check

    I desperately want The Marriott Pen to work its magic for Joba tonight. Or maybe Joba just needs to start working his own brand of magic. I know it’s there.

    I have to call shenanigans on the Detroit announcers being as bad as others on the Extra Innings package. Last year the White Sox announcers went beyond the call of duty for homerism and Jim Palmer was unlistenable when the Yanks played the Orioles. Don’t you think I should get YES if the Connecticut town an hour to the west gets it? Me too.

  18. Jane Heller

    Will do, Erin. It’s sitting on my desk as I write this.

    That’s sort of what I do, Emma: keep tracks of what’s going on and add my own observations. Lucky you having Vin to do play by play.

    I was thinking the same thing, Dave: “Don’t use up all those hits in one night!” But I’m hoping there’s more where that came from.

    Not to worry, Astigaflask. The pen will not leave my hand until the Yankees lose, at which time I’ll stomp on it.

    It’s really just one of the Detroit announcers that gets on my nerves, Melissa. He goes on and on about how great Jeter is. I love Derek but even I cringe. If I were a Tigers fan I’d turn off the TV.

  19. Jane Heller

    Weird that you don’t get YES in CT, Yankees Reality Check. I used to get it when I lived there. But I’d rather have Extra Innings than nothing, so I put up with all the local broadcasters. I will definitely use my pen while Joba (hopefully) pitches a gem.

    You need a magic pen for Hamels, Jenn. The poor guy is having a tough time, I know. Could it be the SI curse????


    Great to see Hughes finally healthy enough to pitch and show us what he can do. He was never healthy last season. I’m extremely high on this guy, and if he can stay healthy he is more than capable of repeating last night’s performance. However, I’m keeping my fingers crossed.

    It was a relief and refreshing to see someone come out of the pen and show the ability to shut down an opponent. He’s done it twice, and if he keeps it up he may see himself in the setup role down the road. I wanted to see this guy on the roster before the start of ST, and maybe now you can see why. This guy is the real deal who has been compared to Chamberlain. The organization sees him as the future close for this team once Rivera retires, and NOT Chamberlain who is only in the beginning stages of his development. As with Hughes I am keeping my fingers crossed, and if he succeeds this team will be able to dump some of the garbage from the pen.

  21. cheshirecat9

    I love all the talk about magic pens. I once stayed a Courtyard Mariotte with a jacuzzi. It was quite nice. People are funny creatures. Sometimes I am watching the game and there will be two outs with runners on base and I will force myself to think positive as though I can actually influence the game. No Michael Kay tonight, it is Ken Singleton and David Cone announcing the game. Go Yanks!

  22. Jane Heller

    Lots of fingers crossed for both Hughes and Melancon, Matthew. I’m all for dumping our unreliables in the pen.

    I’m with you on the superstitions, Cheshirecat. It’s so crazy how we think we can influence the outcome of the games. I’ve got the YES feed tonight instead of the Detroit announcers. YAY!

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