As a result of yet another miserable outing after which Chien-Ming Wang was declared physically sound, the Yankees made swift arrangements to help Wang with his emotional issues.
He is said to suffer from a psychiatric disorder known as the “Cannot Pitch To Save My Life Syndrome,” and the Yankees front office flew in the one therapist they trusted to deal with it.
She-Fan was provided exclusive access to Wang’s session with Dr. Phil. There was, of course, a language barrier as Wang understands English but doesn’t speak it, so I will translate the highlights.
Dr. Phil: Are you depressed right now?
(Very. I let Yankee fans down. I let myself down.)
Dr. Phil: Do you know why you couldn’t perform today?
Wang: 是。 我在土墩太多认为。
(Yes. I was thinking too much on the mound.)
Dr. Phil: About what?
Wang: 我认为CC和AJ由他们的最初去，但是大家告诉我Wanger。 它损我的感觉。
(I was thinking that CC and AJ go by their initials, but everybody calls me Wanger. It hurts my feelings.)
Dr. Phil: Anything else?
Wang: 是。 迷认为尼克Swisher比我是一个更好的投手。 他们爱他。
(Yes. The fans think Nick Swisher is a better pitcher than I am. They love him.)
Dr. Phil: You sound angry. Is there more?
Wang: It’ 也s关于乔Girardi和布赖恩Cashman。 为什么didn’ t他们在花册上把象Brett Tomko的一个长的人放？ 我会感觉保护，照料。 反而，他们投掷了那个可怜的孩子， Claggett，对狼。
(It’s also about Joe Girardi and Brian Cashman. Why didn’t they put a long man like Brett Tomko on the roster? I would have felt protected, taken care of. Instead, they threw that poor kid, Claggett, to the wolves.)
Dr. Phil: Keep going.
Wang: 在美国人的进攻。 他们don’ t击中了与在计分的位置的赛跑者。 并且， Cody赎金isn’ t标尺在第三。 我恐惧有在我之后的好防御。
(The offense on the Yankees. They don’t hit with runners in scoring position. Also, Cody Ransom isn’t A-Rod over at third. I fear not having good defense behind me.)
Dr. Phil: Pena was playing third today, but who’s counting. It’s time you released all this hostility, Chien-Ming. Would you scream for me? Just let it all out?
Wang: O.K. 如果您认为它将帮助。 这里去。 Ahhhhhh!
(O.K. If you think it will help. Here goes. Ahhhhhh!)
Dr. Phil: Excellent. We’re done here. The next time you pitch you’ll throw a complete game shut-out. Maybe even a no-no.
Wang: 谢谢非常，菲尔医生。 我欠多少您会议的？
(Thank you so much, Doctor Phil. How much do I owe you for the session?)
Dr. Phil: Not a thing. The Yankees gave me one of their empty luxury boxes as payment, plus free dinners at the steakhouse. We’re all set.
According to the press release I just received from the Yankees, Chien-Ming Wang has now been cured. No need for further concern.