Housing Wanted: Yankees Center Fielder Seeks Suitable Residence – ASAP

Brett Gardner doesn’t have time to celebrate his new job as the Yankees starting center fielder.


He needs a place to live. Now. The team is about to break camp and head north, and Gardner told the beat writers: “I haven’t started looking for housing in New York yet, but I have no intention of living in the same New Jersey extended stay hotel I used last year.”
Well, all right then, Gardy. So where are you planning to put yourself? You’re a hayseed from Holly Hill, South Carolina, and you don’t know squat about New York. Do you honestly think you can just close your eyes, point to a spot on a map of the Tri-State area and go, “I’ll move there?”
Of course not. You’re not making Jeter/A-Rod money, and you don’t have a 10-year contract. Your options aren’t limitless. You need guidance. Fortunately, She-Fan is at your service.
So…..Some choices.
You can be very conservative and simply rent a room in the house of a family whose little boy has grown up and gone away to college.
Or maybe you’d prefer a more fraternity-like atmosphere.
If so, we could probably move you into the same New Jersey condominium as them.
Oh. You’re married with a young son and you’re moving them to New York. Right. What about a two-bedroom/two bath apartment in a Manhattan high-rise for the three of you?
There are so many neighborhoods we could consider, since Manhattan is such a mixed bag.
We could find you something on the Upper East Side surrounded by types like them.
Or you might enjoy the Meat Packing District where you’d very likely run into them.
sex and the city.jpg
And there’s always the Chelsea neighborhood where you’d probably run into them.
O.K. You don’t want to be in the city. You’d rather find something that reminds you of home. How about a sweet little farmhouse in a bucolic area of Connecticut?
Your son is allergic to cows?
Fine. Let’s do a waterfront condo in Westchester.
Your wife is afraid of the water?
Sorry, I don’t understand. You want to live where? What’s a yurt?
Tell you what, Gardy. Find your own tent. No, I’m not mad at all. It’s your life. Just promise you’ll show up here next week and we’re good.


  1. raysrenegade

    I could see him living in Brooklynn and having to look twice at people when they talk.
    Hopefully he doesn’t have my problem ( Jane says I have a speech situation aka Southern drawl). If he does, they will see him coming a mile away.
    Or maybe his wife is the artsy type and they pick a Soho loft over a coffee shop. Fresh pastries everyday from a basket lowered to the front counter, or that only in Paris?
    Or maybe South Hackensack, NJ…. I hear the subway can be fun after games.
    Where ever he lives, I just hope it is comfortable for the family. That will ease a huge burden knowing they are a secure , safe and love the area……….that can make a world of difference for him.

    Rays Renegade


  2. Jane Heller

    Fran, there’s been all sorts of speculation about Jeter moving to CF at some point. But if the problem is his lack of range, why would the Yankees be better off with him in CF, where he has absolutely no experience? Maybe I’m wearing blinders, but I think he’ll be OK where he is for the foreseeable future.

    Would your brother-in-law sublet to a Yankee, Julia?

    Russ, please do – except I live in California!

    Kim Cattrall is making the sequel to the SATC movie, Paul. She’s hanging in there.

    Exactly, Kaybee. As long as he doesn’t get lost on his way to work, he can live wherever he wants.

    Your southern drawl is charming, Renegade, and I’m sure Gardner’s is too. I’m not sure if he’s moving his family to NY. He didn’t mention it to reporters yesterday. I just assumed.

    Rent controlled housing, Jeff? The Yankees? The players get the Taj Mahal of ballparks, but they’re on their own finding a place to live. Well, I bet the Yankees have a deal with one of the realtors in NY, but they charge a commission and I’d do it for nothing.

    It’s true. Manhattan’s too expensive, Erin. I think Gardy will do just fine in his yurt somewhere in the wilds of NJ.

  3. dschaub@gpo.gov

    Dear Jane,
    Here’s an idea for the best place for “Gardy” to live. It’s close to NYC…up in the suburbs…nice & quiet for his wife and kid…has lots of nice pricey housing if he wants, or he can maybe rent some old Tudor bungalow while their owners are in Europe…how about SCARSDALE?!?!!

  4. ztaknek

    Wouldn’t Mike Mussina’s place be available? By the way, I attended a wedding in Chelsea in the late 90’s and didn’t run into those guys! When the wedding ceremony ended the entire wedding party walked down the aisle wearing either Mets caps or Yankees caps!


  5. latinyankeerebel

    Hmmm, I imagined Robi, Melki and Gardy saying “Toga, toga, toga, toga”. Funny image in my mind… LOL

  6. Jane Heller

    Perfect, Rob. Maybe someone will cook him some pasta and fatten him up too.

    Scarsdale is too pricey for him, Dave. I was hoping CC would move there, but he went for NJ. The nerve.

    The wedding party wore Mets and Yankees caps, Ken? I wish I’d seen that! Pictures?

    I was imagining the same thing, Latinyankeerrebel!

  7. popejonash

    I know of a great 1-bed place in Queens with a Latino landlord. The music downstairs is on 24/7, but if you don’t mind not having a lock on your main front door, this could be for you. Lemme know. How’s things going over your side of the pond?Ashhttp://ashleymarshall.mlblogs.com

  8. heartruss

    Hi Jane, maybe he wants to commute from Beverly Hills. He and Manny could hang out. I just bought your book Confessions of a She Fan. Why is it that there are a million Alyssa Milano books and only one of yours at Barnes and Noble?? You are the writer. She just dabbles or whatever she calls it. It probably is because she is a Dodgers fan and I live in California. I didn’t realize that you are a fiction writer. Where have I been?? I went back to B & N and bought your book Some Nerve. I know I will enjoy reading your stuff. Now I need to find time. Between Dodger games…first one is Thursday and working…it will take a while. Your blog is so funny. Love it.

  9. robb466

    Hey Jane, Gardy can live with me in NJ and i’ll even personally drive him to every game!
    -Robb Jersey Hardball

  10. Jane Heller

    Maybe you’re right, Tom. Tough love in the housing department and he’ll get used to life in the Bronx.

    I guess he shouldn’t get a long-term lease then, Neal. Does this mean we’ll have to find housing for Ajax too?

    I don’t want to scare Gardy, Ash. Toughening him up is one thing, but no lock on the door? Somebody will steal his clothes and sell them on eBay. Things on this side of the pond are weird. It’s hard to read the paper these days. How about on your side?

    I don’t see Ian Kennedy as an Animal House guy, J-Boogie. Joba and Swisher? Definitely. Melky too.

    Delaware is beautiful, Jenn. And boring can be good. I could do with a little less drama from time to time.

    I’m surprised the B&N had one copy of my book, Russ. I was told they placed a “light order” for parts of the country other than the Tri-State area. But I’m glad you found it and hope you have fun reading it. Same with “Some Nerve!”

    Now there’s an idea, Robb. He can be your roomie and you can be his chauffeur, but he has to leave you tix for every game.

  11. heartruss

    Jane, I’m putting Some Nerve in my backpack for work hoping that I have time during my break to start it. 🙂

  12. scofid

    I’m like Jenn…living the boring life in Delaware! But at least there’s no state sales tax! LOL! Maybe Gardy can share a flat in Brooklyn with Albaladejo. Not quite sure how to say it but it’s more fun to spell than Tomko…


  13. Jane Heller

    Great, Russ. Btw, that’s the novel that motivated me to become a hospital volunteer. I did the research at Cedars-Sinai in LA and got into it, just like the heroine.

    I feel sorry for Bombko, Scott. He may have been around the majors a few times, but he really pitched well this spring. I thought he had the job nailed.

  14. Jane Heller

    I’d be thrilled to have them stay with me, Elizabeth. Maybe they’d give me free tickets to every Yankees game as a thank-you present.

    It would be impossible, Jason. NYC hotels have gotten ridiculous. At least the nice ones.

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