Yankees-Red Sox Discussion Leads To Marital Discord!

So there I was, sitting across the dinner table from my husband Michael, when I mentioned that the Yankees were playing the Red Sox in Ft. Myers tomorrow night. He didn’t twitch or grimace or even roll his eyes; he kept right on eating his grilled chicken.
She-Fan: “You don’t hate the Red Sox?”
Michael: “No.”
She-Fan: “Come on.”
Michael: “I don’t hate any team.”
She-Fan: “Then how about their players?”
Michael: “I don’t hate them, either. There are players that get under my skin though.”
She-Fan: “Like who?”
Michael: “Pedroia and Youkilis. But I don’t hate them. I don’t hate anyone or anything.”
She-Fan (skeptical): “What are you, Gandhi? How about Schilling? You always call him a blowhard.”
Michael: “If I were a hating type of person, he’s someone I would hate. But I’m not.”
She-Fan: “Fine. What about Travis Hafner? He made you crazy during the ’07 playoffs.”
Michael: “Yeah. He went, like, 0-for-98 against us in the regular season and then murdered us in the ALDS. He really annoyed me, but I don’t hate him.”
She-Fan: “John Lackey?”
Michael: “He seems arrogant and not that good. Very annoying.”
She-Fan: “But not hate-worthy.”
Michael: “Right.”
She-Fan (frustrated): “Let’s move off the subject of baseball. You hate your cousin Skip, don’t you?”
Michael: “He’s a user. Never picks up a check.”
She-Fan: “So you hate him. Admit it.”
Michael: “I do.”
She-Fan: “Bingo. Anyone else?”
Michael (pushing his chair back from the table and nodding): “Al Pacino. He used to be such a good actor. Now he’s a big windbag. Hate him.”
She-Fan: “O.K. We’re getting somewhere. Who else?”
Michael: “Ann Coulter. Morally and politically bankrupt.”
She-Fan: “Not surprising.”
Michael: “And disco. I really hate disco.”
She-Fan: “Well, we hardly ever -“
Michael: “Curry. I hate the smell of it, the taste of it, everything about it.”
Michael (getting riled up): “And I despise all vegetables except carrots.”
She-Fan: “I know, but it would be good for you if -“
Michael: “The color pink. It reminds me of bubble gum that gets stuck in your sneaker treads.”
She-Fan (soothingly, as if speaking to a mental patient): “Why don’t we forget all this harsh talk and watch some TV.”
Michael: “Anderson Cooper.”
Michael: “He’s a complete fool. I hate the way he says ‘Nawlins’ instead of ‘New Orleans.’ Like he’s from the Ninth Ward instead of the Upper East Side. Give me a break. And he plays the serious news anchor one minute, then turns around and co-hosts Regis & Kelly. I hate them all. They’re liars and phonies and -“
Michael: “The thing I really hate is when you yell at me.”
I apologized. We made up. And then we went back to talking about baseball.


  1. crzblue2

    Haha, you are funny. I am going to have to check out your latest book and one of those romantic comedies. Trouble is I have (counts) 2, no, 3 books started. Oh, well. I can always add another one.
    Check out my tribute to Fernando!

  2. levelboss

    – i hate that people claim global warming for EVERYTHING weather-related (and ignore that weather patterns go in large cycles and have no idea that sunspots have a lot to do with weather on Earth)
    – i hate Kevin Youkilis’ bounce-and-glare batting stance
    – i hate Dice-K’s wind-up waggle
    – i hate when people say the Yankees ‘buy’ championships
    – i hate Hollywood’s aggressive push about gay rights (my guess – and remember, it’s just a guess – as to why Sean Penn won and not Mickey Rourke – to make a political statement – nothing against Sean Penn.. he’s an excellent actor)
    – i hate that comedians on tv are SEEMINGLY afraid to criticize Obama and the new administration
    – i hate the 30 Rock tv show – it sucks quite frankly
    – i hate when Hollywood actors visit foreign leaders and countries that have publicly declared their hatred of the US
    – i hate that Bush got us into 2 wars that we can’t seemingly get out of
    – i hate Oprah Winfrey’s glib demeanor and sense of ‘entitlement’ (don’t know if that’s the correct term) as a ‘buddy’ of the Obamas
    – and i hate that when a conservative voices their opinion, people pull out the ‘judging’ comment while liberals have free reign to say anything without check.. not fair, don’t you think?
    whew! thanks Jane.. i needed to get that off my chest πŸ™‚

  3. juliasrants

    Jane – sorry that the Red Sox & Yankees ruined your dinner last night! It will be okay for you to watch tonight – no Youk or Dustin (though Big Papi & Bay are back) but Scott informs me that Tex will also not be playing. It should be fun! And if you need some soothing sounds – Toby Keith is helping us do that today! Check it out! (Actually – maybe levelboss could use some of the soothing music also!)


  4. scofid

    Uh-oh, I guess Michael and I would never get along considering that he dislikes guys with short grey hair (ala Anderson Cooper). Yikes! I am going to get the ‘You’re dead to me!’ email from you at any moment! πŸ˜‰ I was following the blog down to the part about Al Pacino. I know he’s getting senile, but I just can’t go against him. I’ve always kind of liked his drawn-out, overblown monologues…

    Three weeks to the start of the season. I am starting to wake up in a cold sweat at nights thinking about Cody Ransom at third on Opening Day!

    Go Yankees!


  5. pinstripepride3

    Jane, everytime you reveal something about Michael I am amazed at how similar he and I are, right down to the overflowing Rice Krispies. I agree with him on everything except carrots – I don’t like them either, and Al Pacino – the little recent bad can’t possibly outweigh all the great – he’s one of my favorite actors. I don’t know Skip, but if Michael hates him, so do I.


  6. crazy19canuck

    Jane – thanks for starting my day with a laugh. It’s nice to know that you and Michael like to have fun! He reminds me of lots of guys I know who like to focus on the food while trying to avoid questions! πŸ™‚ At least he answered you!!!

  7. cheshirecat9

    Hey, I can post on your blog Jane! Thanks to the nice people at Respect Jeter’s Gangster for helping me with my technical issues. I love this blog and I love the Yankees. I also love 30 Rock, that show cracks me up.

    I do hate Youkilis’s batting stance though. And his terrible facial hair. Maybe Joba will finally bean him good this season.

  8. latinyankeerebel

    cheschirecat9… I though I was the only one! I hate Youcankickhims’ (my cute nickname for him) batting stance. It reminds me of old school video games like that mike tyson one ofr nintendo and how the characters would move?
    Jane, There’s nothing more I hate than men that talk BS… therefore I hate (or really dislike because hate is such a strong word) Schilling.. and most of all Papelbitch… I’m happy to say that during the All Star Parrade ’09, I told him, to his face (I was like right there by the security fence and the players cars would stop in the corner I was in with my friends) that he would never be like Mo’ and that he was a Crybaby (a few days before he went off the mound in Yankee Stadium crying because they made a homerun (if I’m not mistaken) off of him). I think he would have punchedme if he could. But the car moved just in time.. LOL Oh, and I hadn’t read the news that day of what he had said about Mo, but usually during interviews he usually talked bs about him and you know how I get when tehy mess with my compatriot!
    -Lille Marie

  9. respectjetersgangster@gmail.com

    Youkillis is a good player who I have respect for, but something about him just screams “slug me in the face.” Its a little better without the mountain man beard, but even with the goatee there’s still something about him.

  10. cheshirecat9

    I think that fact that he is such a good player fuels my intense dislike for him. Lille Marie, way to let Papelbitch have it!

  11. Lissi

    From your book it sounded the entire Indians team when 0-for-98 in the regular season and then killed you in the postseason.
    Anderson Cooper is a strange person and Michael is right no one who isn’t New orleans should ever seriously say Nawlins, ever.

  12. latinyankeerebel

    …And I do not hate Pedroia, but I cannot see him.. he reminds me of my ex… and my ex’s a Boston bandwagon fan (he was an A’s fan before 2004 and hates the Yanks). And he broke my heart so yeah…

  13. rrrt

    Very funny! So I guess we’ll never catch your husband getting in touch with his feminine side and wearing a pink shirt, or a pink tie. How does he really feel about those pink baseball caps that seem to be so controversial amongst some of the she-fans? πŸ™‚
    Rants, Raves, and Random Thoughts

  14. dschaub@gpo.gov

    Well, you have struck a deep chord with me today. My dear wife and I are on opposite sides except for football season, and she really likes the Red Sox (but downplays it) while always pointing out how much $$$ the Yankees have (wait, and the Red Sox DON’T?!?). Quickly, the love-hate thing:
    — I HATE all those pink Red Sox hats and green Red Sox jerseys; ok, you gave me a deeper appreciation of the she-fan, but PINK?? Come on, girls…and those 1-day-a-year St. Paddy’s Day jerseys that fans wear all year…enough!!
    — I LOVE IT when a fellow Yankee fan sees your hat or other gear, and acknowledges it — esp. when they say how sick they are of brand-new Red Sox fans — act like you’ve won a title more that once, willya? Or do they all have ADD?
    — I HATE IT when the ballparks DON’T have out-of-town scoreboards or scores except in impossible-to-find places; half the time I’m NOT at a Yankee game, and I NEED IT!!
    — I LOVE IT when Pap-Smear gets beat — EVERY TIME — he is such a flaming a**hole that it gets better each year…!!

  15. morehouset@emigrant.com


    I really like Michael. I agree with him on all but the following points:

    1. I do hate Red Sox in every form….from concept , to design, to player. Even to their place of origin.

    2. I love the smell and taste of curries.

    3. Carrots pretty much suck, particularly if they are cooked.

    4. But artichokes are great.

    Best to you both.


  16. latinyankeerebel

    I do have a brown Yankees cap with the logo in pink, everytime I wear it the Yankees win, when I’m at the game, if I may add (I’m superstitious). And I’m not very fond of bosox fans, I’ve had very bad expiriences with them, even before they have found out I’m a Yankee fan.

  17. Jane Heller

    Emma, you have that in common with Michael. He starts three books and never finishes any of them. If you do read mine, I hope you like it. I’ll definitely go and check out your tribute to Fernando.

    Levelboss, feel free to vent here any time. Don’t you feel better now?

    Julia, a Yankees-Red Sox game always causes a commotion in my house. There’s no way around it.

    Scott, how could Michael ever hate you? You’re a Yankee fan. You’re golden. His thing about Al Pacino started with “Scent of a Woman.” All that screaming and pontificating drove him mad and he hasn’t liked Al since. Yeah, Cody Ransom at third. Night sweats. Heart palpitations. I’m there.

    LOL about Cousin Skip, Pinstripe!

    Canuck, there are plenty of nights when Michael doesn’t answer me. It goes like this. Me: “What’s new?” Him: “Nothing.” Aaaargh.

    So glad you were able to login and comment, Cheshirecat. I have to admit I haven’t jumped on the “30 Rock” train. I’m a “Desperate Housewives” girl.

    So you were the one who made Papelbon say he feared for his wife’s life during that parade, Latinyankeerebel? I think he’ll carry on the Schilling tradition of spouting wonderfully inappropriate things to the media, as Erin points out in her comment. We have that to look forward to. (Sorry your ex broke your heart, btw.)

    My hostility toward Youkilis is the wiggle, Respectjetersgangster. I do love imitating it though. I get up from my chair and start doing it. It’s like a weird dance.

    Melissa, you have it exactly right about the Indians. The Yankees buried you guys in the regular season and then you buried us in the postseason. Ah, baseball. And I’m with you and Michael on Anderson Cooper and the Nawlins affectation.

    Sue, I had no idea he felt that way about pink. It literally never came up before!

    Dave, I totally agree about the stadiums without visible out-of-town scoreboards. Very frustrating. But I’m not down on the pink hats. If that’s what it takes to get women to the ballpark and into the sport, they’re a good thing. I just don’t wear them myself. And – wait – so your wife is a Red Sox fan? Did you go to couples counseling for that? LOL.

    We always make up, Kaybee. Eventually.

    Alphonso, Michael just read your comment and when he saw the word “curries” he had to leave the room.

  18. levelboss

    “Don’t you feel better now?”
    yes, thank you Jane.. you gave me a venue to vent..
    now let’s have some baseball! woohoo!

  19. dschaub@gpo.gov

    Okay, ladies, you make good points on the pink. I guess that a pink Yankee hat would be okay — never seen one — but Lordy, am I tired of pink Bosox caps. That’s just me. And I do have a maroon Yankee hat with “NY” in orange — and “VT” on the back. You see, after the awful shooting at Virginia Tech (where my son was in college as a junior), the Yankees donated $1m. to the school AND PLAYED AN EXHIBITION GAME, in Blacksburg, with the Hokies’ team! Now THAT was class — it about doubled my Yankee fandom loyalty, for approximately forever…even my wife appreciated that gesture (but it didn’t convert her…sigh)…

  20. Jane Heller

    We will have some baseball woohoo if the Yanks can beat the RS tonight, Levelboss. I don’t know why they’re not sending Tex to Ft. Myers. Does he need to be rested? They had an off-day yesterday.

    I remember when the Yankees played that exhibition game at Virginia Tech, Dave. I had no idea your son was a student there, so it must have been scary times for you and your wife.

  21. crazy19canuck

    Speaking of pink – are they planning to do the pink bat games again this year in the league for the Cancer awareness? I’ll leave the pink cap to Julia (I don’t even know if they make it for my team, not that I would ever wear one anyway!) she seems very proud to wear it. That’s one thing i will give the Red Sox and Yankee fans full credit for – Never backing down against the other teams’ fans!

  22. latinyankeerebel

    Well, it wasn;t me who he feared. After the parade I heard the comments on what people around the route were yelling at him. It was horrible. I mean yell whatever you want at him, but his wife has nothing to do with the monstruosities that come out of the thing’s mouth.

  23. Jane Heller

    I don’t know if they’re doing the pink bat games this year, Canuck, but I bet they do since it’s a great cause.

    Glad you weren’t the one yelling at Papelbon’s wife, Latinyankeerebel. As you say, she’s an innocent bystander.

  24. crazy19canuck

    I think that was really cold to yell at Ashley during the parade. She has nothing to do with what Jonathan says. She may be married to him, but that is not a reason to yell the things they did. Leave the wives, fiancees, and girlfriends (and kids too!) out of the line of fire. Pick on the player, not the family.

  25. Jane Heller

    Agree completely. People get caught up in the moment and do crazy things. And the crowd mentality can get ugly.

  26. Jane Heller

    I can picture that, Aaron. And I bet there are couples where one roots for the White Sox and the other for the Cubs.

    Anderson Cooper just might be the A-Rod of TV news, Alex. People either hate him or love him.

    Glad you held back and resisted the temptation, Jenn. No blood must be shed!

  27. Orangebird

    I hate the Duke student section.
    I hate Mark Texeiria for not signing with us and being a hometown hero.
    I hate the idiotic Teribble towel waving Steeler fans.
    I hate when the Sox or Yankees overpower Camden Yards.

  28. latinyankeerebel

    Sorry orangebird, I’m actually one of those Yankee fans who fill Camden Yards for games since I live in the area.

  29. Jane Heller

    I don’t blame you for hating when Yankees and Red Sox fans flood Camden Yards, Orangebird. It’s your park. But it’s a really nice place to play baseball. I love it there.

    Come on over, Kathy. We’ll add you to the dialogue!

    You’re the queen of the pink hats, Julia. Wear your crown with pride.

    Latinyankeerebel, I would be at Camden Yards a lot more if I lived back east. Boog’s BBQ is my fave place to eat.

    Michael does the grilling, Greg. I don’t know how to work the barbecue so he gets the credit and the blame!

  30. diamonddiva

    “What are you, Gandhi?” LOL After reading the rest of that post, I’d say he’s definitely not Gandhi! Hilarious post…thanks for the laugh, Jane!
    I don’t hate very many baseball players. I dislike quite a few, but the only ones I hate are Roidger Clemens, Pedro “I-like-to-beat-up-70-year-old-men” Martinez, and Carl Everett. Football players, however, are a different story. There are lots of NFL players that I despise…e.g. the entire Dallas Cowchips roster! And I hate pink caps for sports teams. Unless the teams colors are pink and white, pink caps are just useless.

  31. diamonddiva

    Just thought of something I do hate…”Sweet Caroline” being played at Nationals Park. I dislike the song anyway, and I hate the fact that the Nationals PR people can’t think of something original for Nats Park…they have to pilfer another team’s tradition. UGH!!

  32. Orangebird

    I figured that it’s just we leave our seats at a Sox or Yanks and there’s cheering and i have not the slightest clue who it’s for. Ztaknek hates those games (he has a blog too, it’s on my linklist) even more. Grrrr Camden yards is too good. Did you know that a couple years ago they raised the will call pricing for S & Y games to get extra profits.

  33. letsgoyankees

    Hey, I like Ann Coulter :-). On a diff. note, I HATE Youkilis, Papelbon and Manny. Of the three, I hate Papelbon worst. What a stuck-up piece of-work (I could have gone many directions there!). As good as Mo? Oh please. Not even close.

  34. letsgoyankees

    You know, I used to hate Schilling, but then I learned that he named his son Gehrig and does charity work on ALS. Oh well. I guess nobody’s all bad.

  35. raysrenegade

    Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh Curt Schilling.
    Talked trash to Lou Pinella when he was the Rays Manager, and now wants to come back and play for the Chicago Cubs…..managed by………….Aquafina Lou.

    I will hate Youkilis ( It is said “You-kill-us” in the South). I like his style of ball, just hate to see it 18 times a year. Dustin Pedroia, I was a fan until the MLB2009 commercials. Now I think he needs to go on that show “Jockeys” and get his butt whipped.

    Rays Renegade


  36. Jane Heller

    Carl Everett, Shelley? That’s a name I haven’t heard in awhile. Dallas Cowchips. LOL. My husband hates “Sweet Caroline” too, and he hated it long before it became a Red Sox anthem. Neil Diamond isn’t one of his faves.

    Orangebird, they raised the price of tix for Yankees and Sox games at Camden? That’s not right for O’s fans.

    You’re right about Schilling’s charitable work, Letsgoyankees. I guess we can’t begrudge him that.

    Pedroia does come off a bit cocky in those commercials, Renegade. And I can’t picture Schilling playing for Lou. But it would be mighty entertaining, wouldn’t it?

  37. Jane Heller

    I’m not a football fan, so I can’t relate, Russ. But if you say they’re hate-worthy, I believe you.

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