Grapefruit League Report: Yankees Tangy in 6-1 Win!


Game 1 against the Jays resulted in a Yankees victory, thanks, in part, to Brett Tomko. Yes, Brett Tomko. He did not exhibit LaTroy Hawkins behavior after all and, instead, was positively Cy Young-ish. O.K., so he only pitched two innings. They were shutout innings, for God’s sake.
Jose Veras, on the other hand, was a wild man.
I know everybody’s just getting loose, but he served up a double, walked two, hit a batter and threw a wild pitch. Way to show us that good control, Jose!
What about offense? I could talk about Brett Gardner‘s solo shot in the first inning. I could talk about Nick Swisher‘s uncanny Giambi imitation, working a walk after being down 0-2. Or I could talk about A-Rod‘s two-run homer. Yeah, I’ll talk about that.
(Notice the Yankees’ new road uniform, captured in all its glory by the AP.)
No, not everyone in the crowd booed the Yankees third baseman. Some of the Dunedin residents stood up and cheered….during a break from Bingo.
“I’ll let my bat do the talking from now on,” A-Rod told She-Fan in a private conversation between two people with hyphenated nicknames.
Moving to another topic entirely, I must share something that happened to me yesterday afternoon. It falls into the “Let this be a lesson to you” category.
I was working at the computer at 5:30 when the doorbell rang. I live way up in the hills of Santa Barbara. Hardly anyone rings the doorbell. Ever.
“Hi,” I said when I saw two teenaged boys standing outside.
The dark-haired one handed me a letter and said, “Your husband must have dropped this by the mailbox.”
“Thanks,” I said. “Very thoughtful of you.”
“Can we come in?” he said. “The neighbor next door told us you were a very nice lady and we’re selling children’s books for kids with cancer and autism.”
I’m not sure which got to me: the nice lady bit or the kids with cancer line. But I invited them into my kitchen, where they said they were UCLA students visiting a relative. They explained that they were trying to raise money for an internship in London by selling the paperback books. They showed me a pamphlet with a description of the books and asked if I would help the cause. They said the neighbor next store had bought five books.
They were like Girl Scouts selling cookies, except with tattoos.
So what did I do? I wrote them a check.
A few minutes after they left, I called my next door neighbor to tell her that I, too, had bought five books for the sick kids.
“Well,” she said. “They told me you bought five, so I bought five.”
“Wait,” I said. “They told me they went to your house first.”
“They said they came to your house first. That’s why I let them in – because you’d already talked to them.”
That’s when it hit both of us: We’d just been conned. My neighbor is a brilliant filmmaker and I’ve written 14 books. We aren’t dopes – and yet we’d been duped.
Bottom line: We found out these guys were part of a gang trying to steal our identities and run through our money. Great!
After hours spent dealing with my bank today, closing out my checking account and opening a new one, all I can say is this: Use your head and don’t be like me.


  1. Jane Heller

    Oh, no. Rosh. Did I really compare myself to Rocker? I can’t be that bad.

    LOL, Brian. The guys at my door were wearing truly awful cologne and my kitchen still stinks of it.

    Yeah, Jeff. I think the Yankees were looking for more ways to spend money, so they created special uniforms just for road games (and maybe just road games during spring training – what do I know).

  2. jimmy27nyy

    Hi, Jane …

    Very frightening story … I hope your personal information is safe !!!
    Living in the Bronx, I’m always very cautious when people I don’t know ring the front doorbell. Other than friends and other people I know, the only person I let walk into my house is the Con Edison man once a month !!! … Even when I travel to my sister’s or brother’s houses the suburbs [in upstate NY, and NJ], and basically park in their driveways, I still always put a lock on my steering wheel. I’m probably over-cautious, but growing up in New York has put me in this frame of mind, just to be safe and careful !!!
    It really is a shame, that when people try to be kind, and help others, there are many out there in this world that can’t be trusted and look to take advantage of others kindness !!!
    Very sad commentary on these times in our society !!! … Stay well, Jane !!!
    — Jimmy [27NYY], “BY&L”

  3. Jane Heller

    It is sad, Jimmy. I have to learn not to be so trusting, and I don’t like that one bit!

    Wallowing in dough. I can’t imagine that, Jeff. Maybe we should have been born into the Steinbrenner family. On second thought, maybe not.

    LOL, Jen. Glad the marriage didn’t happen. You were meant for AJ.

  4. Erin Kathleen

    Wow, that’s really scary. I hope you got everything straightened out before they did any damage to your credit or anything. And don’t feel dumb, these people are very good at what they do. They are con men, after all. Even a corporation as large as GE once fell prey to a scam (it was an email scam, but it’s pretty much the same thing).

    If it makes you feel any better, I see the Yankees are whupping the Rays. Now I see what I have to look forward to tomorrow!

  5. Jane Heller

    Erin, I’m so mad! I’ve spent the entire day dealing with the bank and missed the game. AAARGH. What a pain. Looking forward to playing your guys tomorrow.

    The ones who cheered, Julia. The others can stay in FL!

  6. scofid

    Maybe the visitors to your house were looking for an identity to give to Ian Kennedy! Seriously, hope all worked out well despite the hassle. Yanks are on a roll, and #65 did his two inning best today. It would be fun if Phil can make it difficult for Joe to keep him out of the starting rotation. Be safe!


  7. Jane Heller

    It’s only spring training, Bob. But I admit that winning is more fun than not!

    You had the right idea, Metsmainman. But these guys were smart. They knew all the buttons to push.

    We can never have enough pitching, Scott. We learned that lesson last year. Let’s hope everybody gives Girardi something to think about and the competition for a roster spot is a dogfight.

  8. Jane Heller

    Gomets, Gardner’s bat was silent today, sadly. I’m not counting on him for HRs. But if he hits them it wouldn’t be the worst thing.

    Thanks, Dan. I appreciate your stopping by.

    I did want to hunt them down, Jenn. But THAT dumb I’m not!



    I hate to be a nudge here, but the Yankees won a game while those punks were in your house. Get it? Is there a chance that there is a connection? I’m not saying you necessarily should have them return often — I mean, they’ll rob you blind — but it wouldn’t hurt to have them over in, say, the first Redsock series? just to see if there’s something there? Let’s not look a victory in the mouth.

    El duque

  10. Jane Heller

    You have a point, Duque. I could hide the silverware, my jewelry and my signed Mickey Mantle ball and then let them back in. But they’re not a lucky charm. We won today without them. I think we won because I didn’t go on your blog until after the game. I’ll keep doing that and see if it works.

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