Oscars And Laundry = Glamour And Drudgery

Michael and I used to go to a friend’s annual Oscar party when we lived in LA. But now that we’re in Santa Barbara, here’s how we’re spending the evening: I’m doing laundry and Michael is reorganizing his office. We’re one fun couple, aren’t we? A regular Brad and Angelina.


Oops. The show is starting.
No. It’s only the “red carpet” show where the stars are being asked truly idiotic questions about what they’re wearing.
O.K. Here’s the real show. Host Hugh Jackman makes a steroids joke about Meryl Streep and all the awards she’s won. I wonder if A-Rod’s watching.
Best Supporting Actress. Love that they’re actually describing the performances of each nominee. Well done. Penelope Cruz? I wasn’t expecting her to win; I thought Marisa Tomei would get it. Even Penelope seems shocked.
Best Original Screenplay. Really love the bit with Steve Martin and Tina Fey. So far this show is great. Milk wins. Very impassioned speech.
Best Adapted Screenplay. Slumdog Millionaire. The writer actually thanks the author of the book. What a concept.
Best Animated Film. Jennifer Aniston and Jack Black present the nominees, while the camera finds Angelina Jolie laughing nervously. Is Angie feeling guilty for stealing Brad from Jen? Winner: Wall-E.
(Laundry break during Art Direction, Costume Design and Makeup. Am I the only one who thinks Sarah Jessica Parker looks better as a blonde?)
Best Cinematographer. Ben Stiller comes out doing a Joaquin Phoenix imitation. What a riot. Natalie Portman‘s dress is a winner. So is the cinematographer of Slumdog, who apparently couldn’t find a jacket that fit.
Sci-Tech Awards. I’m tuning this out except that Jessica Biel is at the microphone and I’m wondering if she was the one who broke up with Derek Jeter or vice versa.
Hilarious bit with Seth Rogen and James Franco as stoners watching DVDs. Best line: “Who’s a better actor? Reagan or Obama?”
Long musical number with Beyonce. I feel like I’m watching the Tony’s. Yawn.
Best Supporting Actor. I really do like how they’re stopping to acknowledge each nominee. Heath Ledger wins. His father, mother and sister accept the award. There are close-ups of teary, wistful audience members, but not the long standing ovation I anticipated. Weird.
(Another laundry run during the Documentary category. Then dinner during Visual EffectsSound Effects, Sound Mixing and Film Editing. This is when I wish we had people over. I could be busily serving hors d’oeuvres or pouring wine. Instead, the only wine I’m pouring is my own.)
Eddie Murphy is all business as he introduces the special humanitarian award to Jerry Lewis. Big standing O. I’m expecting an over-the-top acceptance speech – a little Cinderfella maybe? – but Jerry is short and sweet.
Great pink/purple dress on Alicia Keys as she and Zac Effron present the Best Original Score award to the Slumdog composer, whose name I can’t spell. 
Now come the Best Original Song nominees. This is the category Peter Gabriel boycotted; he was offended that he was only getting 65 seconds to perform his song from Wall-E. I’m offended he was offended. Who does he think he is? Beyonce? The winner: Slumdog. Yay.
Queen Latifah has the task of singing during the Dead People Montage. I ask Michael to pass the tissues when they show clips of Paul Newman. Sob.
Reese Witherspoon (I’m staring at her really hard, sending her vibes so she’ll play me in the still-in-my-fantasy movie version of “She-Fan”) presents the Best Director Oscar to Danny Boyle for Slumdog.
Is it possible this show will be done before midnight/9 p.m.? And where’s Jack Nicholson? He usually sits in the front row in his shades and smirks a lot.
Best Actress. Standing ovation for Sophia Loren, Shirley MacLaine, Nicole Kidman, Halle Berry and Marion Cotillard. Winner: Kate Winslet. No surprise, but it was cool how the past winners congratulated her.
Best Actor. Big hand for Michael Douglas, Adrien Brody, Robert DeNiro, Ben Kingsley and Anthony Hopkins. Winner: Sean Penn. Wow! Stunned that Mickey didn’t get it, but happy. Sean was great in the movie.
Last award. Steven Spielberg is on stage for Best Picture. Love the montage mixing old and new movies, Winner: Slumdog. Talk about a rags to riches story. It’s the equivalent of the Tampa Bay Rays.
Well, I had to end with a baseball analogy. Back to the Yankees tomorrow.


  1. AJRoxMyWhiteSox

    Alicia Keys’ dress was gorgeous. That was a great color on her. Same with Queen Latifah’s. I had my tissues ready for Best Supporting Actor, and I cried and cried and cried when Heath won. And I’m so happy for Kate Winslet. I haven’t watched the Oscars in a while, and this one was a lot better than the last one I watched!

  2. Jane Heller

    I really thought they did a good job with the show, Jen, relative to past years. One of the producers, Larry Mark, optioned my novel “Princess Charming” back in the ’90s, and he’s a guy who loves actors and loves showcasing them. So I think it was great that he had so many actors on stage giving out the awards instead of just one at a time. Heath’s family seemed genuinely moved by his award. Very touching when the sister said the statue would go to his daughter.

  3. raysrenegade

    It was a great show.
    I had heard that Hugh Jackman could sing, but he was pretty good up there with the dancers too.

    I was more than happy that Heath Ledger’s family accepted the award for him. I know that Matilda can not hold it just yet, but hopefully either the family or the Academy can hold onto it for her until she is old enough to really understand the talent and the personality her father had in life.

    It was a awesome gesture by Sean Penn to recognize Mickey Rourke in his speech. I was expecting a long heart thump speech by him and was not disappointed. Every time he has picked an odd role, he has walked away with a golden statue. Might he now be considered one of the unsung stars of our generation?

    Rays Renegade


  4. Jane Heller

    Any time, Julia.

    Aaron, maybe I’ll work for E! in my next life. Whenever that is.

    It was a good show, Kaybee. Better than most years.

    Sean Penn has now won two Oscars, Renegade. I wouldn’t call that “unsung!” He did an amazing job in Milk.

    Maybe next year they’ll recognize your accomplishments, Jeff. You need to start the glad handing now.

  5. Jane Heller

    Wow. I want a Yankees ring, Mark. I wonder if they make them in my size. I could wear it on my left hand and be married to the Yankees once and for all.

  6. junojen

    Hi, Jane – Just playing catch up out here… Love your Oscars synopsis. I think my favorite part of the Oscars is actually the Barbara Walters’ special before the big show. Gotta love Hugh Jackman giving Babs a lap dance. That was priceless!


  7. Jane Heller

    We get the Barbara Walters Special after the Oscars in CA, Jen. It’s weird, because it’s after the fact, but it’s just part of living here. I thought Anne Hathaway was great. She seemed very genuine without selling her soul!

  8. Brian Legentil

    Ah, I’m gonna make a post about this soon. I agree, I did enjoy how they set up the whole actor/actress nominee intros, but I realized that’s probably why it ran TILL MIDNIGHT!!!! I read that Jack Nicholson was asked to present an award but he declined.

  9. Jane Heller

    But was Jack even there, Brian? He usually sits in the front row and is such a presence. As for the length of the show, it’s always long. This one felt a little shorter to me.

    I agree, Dan. Angie and Brad are not hitting their marks! It’s almost an air kiss.

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