America’s Most Wanted: A-Rod’s Cousin

We all heard A-Rod explain during the press conference that it was his cousin who told him about “Boli,” procured the banned substance for him and injected him with it.
“What’s the cousin’s name?” asked George King of the Post.
A-Rod demurred.
The manhunt was on.
As of this writing, none of the crack journalists from SI, ESPN or the New York papers have found the cousin and have not, therefore, been able to verify A-Rod’s story.
The experts at these agencies haven’t had any luck, either.
Which has left the job to the She-Fan Detective Agency of Santa Barbara, California. My staff and I have been toiling into the wee hours, and while we haven’t located our man yet, we do have “persons of interest” in the case. I’d like to share them now in the hope that someone will come forward with valuable information.
Please look closely. Have you seen Alex Rodriguez at any time with one of the following?
Pedro Rodriguez. The Dominican born U.S. citizen lives in Paterson, New Jersey, and is Operations Manager at Sprint Nextel Communications. He is married with three boys and is said to harbor a passion for baseball.

Ramon “Mone” Rodriguez. Originally from Puerto Rico, he grew up on Manhattan’s Lower East Side, went to college at NYU and earned a degree in sports management. He later became an actor and has appeared on such TV crime shows as “The Wire.”

Carlos Rodriguez. A self-described “typical Argentine gym rat,” he played on the men’s professional tennis tour until moving to Belgium and becoming the coach, trainer and health and fitness guru of former #1 player Justin Henin.

armando (manny)rodriguez.jpg
Armando “Manny” Rodriguez. Born in Havana, Cuba, he graduated from the University of Florida with a degree in Chemical Engineering. He is currently VP, Global Sales and Marketing of DuPont-Sabanci International, headquartered in Wilmington, Delaware.
Sergio Rodriguez. Born in Tenerife, Canary Islands, he is a professional athlete who plays in the NBA for the Portland Trail Blazers and goes by the nickname “Spanish Chocolate.”

Again, if you have information on any of these “persons of interest,” contact the She-Fan Detective Agency. We’re eager to close the case and move on to baseball. Thank you.


  1. jimmy27nyy

    Hey, Jane …

    First, and that is the proper word, “Congratulations” on moving to the top of the latest mlblogs Fan “Leader’s List” !!! … How does it feel to be #1 ??? … But, of course, I knew it was only a matter of time, Jane, as I did predict your rise to #1 about a couple of months ago, along with your book topping the “Best Seller” Lists !!! … Now we are waiting for you book tour to begin which should lead to your presence on both lists at number one !!! … And, yes, the Alex Rodriguez press conference yesterday … Well, it seemed very restricted, with A-Rod showing up 20 minutes late; then, he gave a very choppy prepared statement with the only real new news being that he admitted he was injected about twice a month, six months a year, over the three years he was in Texas, by his cousin … After he read the ten minute statement, A-Rod answered questions for about 30 minutes without follow-up questions allowed by those asking the questions !!! … There still seems to be many more questions that need to be answered by A-Rod; but, he had his press conference, and it is now time to move forward and play baseball … I hope these distractions do not affect A-Rod, and the rest of the team on the field !!! … Take care, Jane !!! … A very well deserved and earned victory reaching #1 on the Leader’s List !!! … Now, both you and Julia can battle it out for the top spot on the list; and, whichever ranking you both end up with on each new list, you both are winners and very deserving of the top spot on the list !!! ……….. Jimmy [27NYY], “BY&L” …

  2. feenwager

    I have a confession:

    It’s me. I am the mystery cousin. I invite any and all members of the media to my home or place of work where they may perform the world’s first autopsy on a living person.

    Or whatever it is that they do.

    I’m so tired of this, although I am getting some good rants out of the deal…so I’ve got that going for me, which is nice.

  3. juliasrants

    First, Jimmy – THANK YOU once again for your kind words! Jane – what a show it was yesterday. With a cousin like A-Rod, who needs enemies! You know it’s only a matter of time before the cousin’s name comes out – and then that guy’s life will become a living nightmare. Nice way to throw a family member “under the bus” on a national – international – stage. And Jane, I don’t know if you saw Johnny Damon on MLB Network after the press conference, but could you please have people explain to him about the proper use of hair gel? If he keeps using as much as he had on yesterday it will only be days before there is a nation-wide shortage!


  4. kingofcali

    I can’t believe A-Rod said his cousin. You know everyone is going to find out which cousin it was. Then to say he smuggled the Steroids. It’s going to be investigated now and I’m sure it will come back on A-Rod some how.

    ~King of Cali

  5. Jane Heller

    Thanks, Jimmy. Your comments are always so genuine and well intentioned, and I appreciate them very much. Yes, the press conference did leave a lot to be desired, and I, too, would have preferred that they allowed follow up questions. On the other hand, we would probably still be watching, because the event would have lasted for hours! I’m eager to hear what Jeter will say when he addresses the media today.

    Feenwager, I had a feeling you were the culprit. You did us all a favor by outing yourself. I agree that this whole circus is good material but we’d rather be talking about baseball.

    Damon does have an interesting ‘do, Julia. I guess he’s going for that “I just got out of bed” look.

    Are you saying A-Rod has multiple personality disorder, Jeff? If so, it would have been entertaining if he’d spoken in the voice of the cousin.

    I did hear Damon’s comments, Aaron. Sounds like he’s trying to be a good teammate. He was one of the Yankees who reached out to A-Rod during the whole opt-out mess in ’07 and tried to get him to stay with the organization. He seems like he sees the positive side of things.

    LOL, Jenn! Never can tell about those Jersey people.

    King, I hope there really is a cousin and that he comes forward soon. Like today. I don’t want this to drag on for weeks and weeks. Please, no.

  6. rockymountainway

    Jane, hopefully none of those above mentioned has a high priced lawyer looking for a libel lawsuit! JK I’m sure they don’t mind being a person of interest in your she fan investigation. If you find his cousin ask whether the juice worked for him too since they were both juicin up. Maybe it made him a better smuggler and quicker to avoid law enforcement!

  7. Brian Legentil

    Thanks for the heads up Jane. I live about 10 minutes away from Paterson, NJ so a few of my associates and I went over to his house to investigate. He immediately kicked us out yelling โ€œWhat the hell are you talking about? Stop going through my stuff! Get out of here, Iโ€™m trying to have a quiet dinner with my family! Iโ€™m calling the cops!โ€ Personally, I smell guilt.

  8. Jane Heller

    I guess I’ll go “Pro” when I start playing right field for the Yankees, Joe. Right now I’m still an amateur. ๐Ÿ™‚

    Glad you investigated, Brian. My detective agency needs associates around the country, so you’re hired.

    Excellent clue, Mark. You’re hired too.

  9. junojen

    Hi, Jane –
    Great job on the investigation but I think the whole “cousin” statement was a red herring to throw you off the trail.
    My money is on Madonna. I think she could have known A-Rod back then… That was her Latin man phase, wasn’t it?

  10. Jane Heller

    You think Canseco’s wife supplied the “Boli” and injected A-Rod? Erin! You devil!

    True, Jen. Madonna was in her Latin man phase, and it appears she’s in another such phase. I guess Guy Richie was an aberration.

  11. junojen

    Jane – Yeah, that’s one word for Guy Ritchie. LOL!

    We should also not discount A-Rod’s close relationship with Warren Buffett. He doesn’t look like a ‘roid injecting guy but that is why he’s the perfect suspect.


  12. Jane Heller

    Now that’s an interesting one, Jennifer: Warren Buffett is the cousin….a wealthy cousin with access to who knows what!

    Hey, Kylie. Sorry you had to hunt down the book but so glad you did!

  13. flairforthedramatic

    Jeff may have a point, lol..
    You did hear him speak as his cousin Jane. When he answered that one question in spanish.. that was him.. most just couldn’t understand him but I’ll give you the translation:
    “Hello, I’m A-Rod’s cousin. I injected him ‘cuz I knew he’d kick a** meng. End of story.”
    I’m curious though Jane.. how do you think Alex really did in the press conference? I’ve been hearing a lot of people bashing him, but I didn’t think so.. maybe that’s just me..
    – V [ ]

  14. Jane Heller

    V, I totally forgot about the Spanish answer to the reporter’s question! Of course that was his cousin! Actually, I think he should have said less, not more in the press conference – just admitted he took the stuff and knew it was wrong and said he was sorry. He gets in trouble when he starts blabbing. And I’m not as cynical as others about his long break to collect himself before thanking his teammates. I thought I saw genuine emotion.

    Pudge loves Yanni? Who knew, roshkoch. And I’ll get to Selena soon!

  15. rabruzzese

    You forgot to put in a picture of Joe Pechi from my cousin vinny. I’m pretty sure you are not allowed to mention Arod’s cousin without it.

  16. Jane Heller

    You’re right, Rob. Btw, did you see they found the cousin? He’s living in Miami and trying to escape the media. Good luck with that.

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