A-Rod Meets The Media: Press Conference Or Circus?

It’s the eve of A-Rod’s arrival in Tampa, and I’m busily imagining how the event will go. Reports tell us that the Yankees have erected a makeshift picnic tent on the grounds of Steinbrenner Field, and are expecting between 150-200 members of the media to attend. Also present will be management (Cashman and Girardi), the “core Yankees” (Jeter, Mo, Pettitte and Posada), the brand new crop (CC, AJ and Tex) and some stalkers stragglers (Selena Roberts). What I foresee isn’t a presser at all but an actual three-ringer.

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First, we’ll have an introduction by Yankees media relations director Jason Zillo, who will double as the ringmaster.
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Then, it’ll be on with the show. A-Rod will make a brief statement in which he will attempt several daring circus feats.
* He will juggle a tone of remorse with the “everybody was doing it back then” explanation, thereby making himself one of these.

jugglers.jpg

Ā * He will name the specific banned substance(s) he took, causing the crowd to gasp in horror and delight, just as they would if he did this.
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* He will swear that he stopped using PEDs before he became a Yankee and reference his enormous pride in wearing pinstripes, his words soaring like one of these.

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Ā * He will apologize to the Steinbrenner family, his teammates and the fans, and he will pledge his commitment to winning a championship. It will be painful for him as he glances over at Jeter, and he will feel a catch in his throat, as if he were one of these.
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* And finally, he will try to convince everyone that he doesn’t care about his personal accomplishments, even as he tears up about his Hall of Fame hopes. His mixed message will turn him into one of these.
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Mercifully, Jason Zillo will step in and invite the media to ask questions. The reporters will clamor for the microphone and talk over each other so nobody can hear anybody and demonstrate how much they resemble these.
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The first reporter to grab the mic will be Selena Roberts, who will brazenly leak the other 103 names on The List, recite many salacious tidbits about A-Rod from her forthcoming book and cause those of us watching to regard her as one of these.
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Can’t wait to see if I’m right about any of this, but I bet Barnum and Bailey will be looking down and wishing they had a piece of the action.
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20 comments

  1. juliasrants

    Don’t forget Scott Boras, the staff of the William Morris Agency, James E. Sharp Esq., and the staff of Outside Eyes (the crisis management company out of California). I’m sure they will all be there also. A-Rod had better not wear a Yankees Uniform or a business suit – we won’t be able to find him in the crowd. Hope they got a big enough tent.

    Julia
    http://werbiefitz.mlblogs.com/

  2. Jane Heller

    I hope they have a big enough tent too, Julia. Just heard there are at least 200 media people there.

    I think all of it will be rehearsed, Babu, but maybe someone will ask a question and he’ll have to improvise.

    It’s our annual rite of spring, Jeff – a Yankees press conference announcing some dubious achievement!

  3. rrrt

    Jane, I just saw parts of it while eating lunch (not necessarily a good combo for proper digestion), and was amazed at his ability to answer a question without actually answering the question. The “young and stupid” defense came up quite a bit, as well as blaming some unnamed cousing for bringing the substance into the country. Though he also repeatedly mentioned that he was 24 or 25 at the time – I guess he was a late bloomer to be going through the “young and stupid” phase then. Definitely things that make you go “Hmm”.
    Sue
    Rants, Raves, and Random Thoughts

  4. bostonredsoxgirl46

    Jane,
    Great circus-press conference analogy! A-Rod performed multiple events that aren’t his best assets (public speaker). I’m surprised that you called Jason Zillo ‘merciful’ after he wouldn’t give you a press pass in your book! Then again, hey may come around… I’m only halfway through! That pose that the man is in looks painful!
    -Elizabeth
    http://redsoxgirl46.mlblogs.com

  5. Jane Heller

    The “young and stupid” defense did come up a lot, Sue. Hope you were able to finish lunch. šŸ™‚

    Rdf, I agree he was spoon-fed. I disagree that all of it was crap. But we’ll see how long this story lasts. Will definitely check out your prospects.

    Elizabeth, that pic was rather weird, wasn’t it? But that’s kind of what A-Rod was today: a contortionist. As for Jason Zillo, I was being kind! I just got an email from a radio station in Sarasota. They have listeners all over the world and he denied them press passes to spring training. Amazing.

  6. hseely@twcny.rr.com

    She-Fan,

    He should have brought out his dog, Checkers. This is getting to be the rite of spring: A Yankee apologizing for drug use. And the worst part is that most of the guys who are apologizing – Giambi and Arod – never won anything for us. I can’t take this much longer.

    Your book arrived, finally.

    el duque

  7. Erin Kathleen

    Well, now, that wasn’t so bad. He even seemed a little more sincere than last time, though he still didn’t really admit to much of anything. Now we can all get back to what’s really important: trying to get Bud Selig fired for allowing this mess to happen in the first place.
    -Erin
    http://plunking-gomez.mlblogs.com

  8. Jane Heller

    I hear you, Brian. But we’ll get beyond this. We have to!

    My guess is that Selena’s book has more to do with his personal life, Tom, based on what I’ve read from the publisher. And frankly, I’m just not interested in stories of a ballplayer cheating on his wife. What’s new about that?

    I’m partial to the bearded lady, Orangebird!

    I think you’re onto something, Duque. Not one Yankee has brought a dog (or any pet, for that matter) to one of these mea culpa press conferences. A-Rod’s “people” should have addressed this. Glad the book got there (I think).

    Oh, Scott. I hope so too. But I think we’re in for more dissection of every word and deed.

    LOL, Kathy. What the tarot card reader did say about A-Rod was that he was going to do a 180-degree shift and discover that money and fame were not bringing him happiness and that he had to develop a new maturity. I went back and looked at the transcript!

    Maybe I’m just a sap, Erin, but I bought that long pause when he choked up before thanking his teammates. I thought it was genuine. If not, he’s a very good actor.

  9. SHEENA

    I know this is off topic but did you know alyssa milano is coming out with a book called confessions of a baseball fanatic? Its on her blog. I hope she’s not copying you cause you came out with it first. lol

    By the way wanted to say I just started reading your book and it’s hysterical.

  10. Jane Heller

    Hey, Sheena. I did know about Alyssa’s book but only recently saw the title. What can I say? Great minds think alike? I’m glad you’re having fun with my book and hope it continues to entertain! Thanks for stopping by tonight.

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