When A-Rod Addresses the Media, How Will It Go?

Assuming A-Rod returns from the Bahamas and decides to speak to the media about his steroids issue, what will his strategy be? So many choices. So many ways to handle the situation. So many precedents in popular culture. Let’s take a look.

1) He could go the Clemens route, appear on “60 Minutes” (again) and defiantly proclaim his innocence.
2) He could take his case to the ladies on “The View,” just as Alec Baldwin did after the world heard him go off on his daughter, and act apologetic and combative at the same time.
3) He could seek out the sympathetic Diane Sawyer, in the tradition of Mel Gibson after his anti-Semitic tirade, and try to be movie star charming.
4) He could bypass the talk show format altogether and instead hold a Giambi-type press conference in which he says he’s sorry but doesn’t say what for.
5) He could go in the direction of Andy Pettitte and say, “I was only trying to heal faster, not gain an edge on anybody, but I’m sorry and I promise never to do it again.”
6) He could pull an Elliot Spitzer and say he’s sorry for hurting his family, even as he’s making his wife stand there, mortified.
(Since A-Rod doesn’t currently have a wife, perhaps Madonna or even his mother would stand in.)
7) He could angrily deny wrongdoing by employing the “Finger Pointing Defense” perfected by Bill Clinton.
8) He could plead insanity like Blago.
9) He could emulate the remorseful Mike Tyson, who read a prepared statement apologizing for munching on both of Evander Holyfield’s ears.


10) And, finally, he could cry – just break down and let the tears flood his cheeks, like Jimmy Swaggert did so many memorable years ago.
While #10 would certainly be a YouTube sensation, I’m guessing we’ll see something along the lines of #5. 
I just hope I’m not asleep tomorrow morning when all this goes down. Living in the Pacific Time Zone does have its drawbacks.


  1. scofid

    This is so funny and absolutely on key! Personally, I think that we’ll see something similar to #7. I am STILL wondering why Theo couldn’t close the deal and acquire A-Rod during the 2004 season! 😉


  2. Jane Heller

    I would love to do a sit-down with him, Greg. I have my questions all ready to go. And they’re good ones, believe me.

    So you think he’ll do a Clinton, Scott? If he’s guilty, that would be a big, big mistake.

    I’m with you, Julia. I think it’ll be #5.

    I agree, Tom and Homer. Honesty would be the best “strategy” of all.

  3. The Yankees Baseball Whisperer

    I think Alex will pull a Giambi. Thats just my opinion, but we’ll see. I just want to see him cry. He always seems so… IDK, it would just be nice to see him cry and show that he is human.


  4. Jane Heller

    Well, Brit, if he follows the Giambi path, he wouldn’t incriminate himself legally. I think. (I’m certainly no expert.) But I would love to see something other than a prepared speech. A little humanity would go a long way.

  5. Jane Heller

    I think that line about the union was total self-protection, Emily. Maybe he was afraid of legal liability. I’m hoping he’ll say something soon.

  6. Erin Kathleen

    I think he’ll do all of those things. He’ll start off with the Clemensesque denial, maybe with some finger-pointing, but won’t be able to withstand the intense questioning from the New York media. He’ll start to break down, and then be like Giambi and apologize without really apologizing. When the grilling gets even more heated, he’ll pull Swaggert and start sobbing like a little girl, all the while begging fans to forgive him. Then maybe he’ll plead insanity like Blago.

  7. Jane Heller

    So Erin, you think he’ll do the full monty?

    I know, Jeff. I want to go back to my nice quiet world where there’s still a Santa Claus and a tooth fairy.

    Four or five could happen, Melissa. I think they’d be the best options.

    It’s terrible, all right, Kaybee. See my comment to Jeff!

  8. Jane Heller

    Thanks for the heads-up, Big Jay. I didn’t know the article was there! I was thinking A-Rod would go the Andy route, but now I’m not so sure.

  9. levelboss

    Jane, some bad news for you.. i went to a Barnes&Noble store here in a Western state (i will not divulge my secret identity nor the location of the bat-cave), and i asked about your book.. they told me that they didn’t carry it – in that store and other Barnes&Noble stores; they said i’d have to order it for them to get it.. they also told me that Torre’s book sold out and that they were ordering more.. sorry 😦

  10. hardballblog

    I think A-Roid, eh, I mean A-Rod should come out and apologize. He admitted he did it so he can’t go the Clemens route and deny it. He needs to make like Pettitte and apologize. We all make mistakes, some dumber than others, but we all make mistakes nonetheless. His image will never be the same but he needs to apologize and put this behind him and try and move on.

  11. hseely@twcny.rr.com


    I guess that Tarot card reader pal of yours didn’t foresee a little, well, storm on the horizon?

    el duque

  12. Jane Heller

    Levelboss, I’m hearing this from a lot of people. Unless you’re in what B&N considers to be a “major city,” they’re not stocking the book except by special order, which they MUST do. It takes a few days for them to get the book, but if they tell you they can’t do a special order, please let me know. Publishing and bookselling are going through major meltdowns, like many businesses, and they’re afraid to take risks of any kind. Torre’s book was an unusual case; the chains ordered lots of copies for all stores. This is why I send people to Amazon! Drives me nuts!

    Hardball, just got home and watched the interview with Gammons. Looks like A-Rod did just as you suggested. He must have listened to you!

    Nope, Jenn. He didn’t go that route. Wonder what “W” thinks about the steroids era, now that you mention him. He owned the Rangers!

    Actually, duque, she did foresee it with A-Rod. What I left out of the article (you know how the NY Times is about word counts) was that he would need to completely reinvent himself and put the negativity of the past behind him. She didn’t say that about CC!

  13. Jane Heller

    And I left out a lot of apologizers, Dan. And I tried to come up with some women, so I wouldn’t seem biased, but I couldn’t think of any!

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