Predicting The Yankees’ Future….In The New York Times

Last week I was obsessing about spring training, even as I couldn’t wait for it to start. I wondered how the players would react to questions about Torre’s book, to the arrivals of CC, AJ and Tex, to the challenge of not making the playoffs last year.

What a chump, right? Little did I know there would be way bigger things to worry about. (I’ll deal with them in the next post.)
Anyhow, I was dying to know how the ’09 season would turn out. So I did what any self-respecting fan would do: I went for a tarot card reading.
O.K. Maybe you wouldn’t have done it, but it worked for me. It must have worked for the New York Times too, because they’re running my article about the reading in Sunday’s paper.
No, I didn’t make any of it up. Not one sentence. If anyone wants Patricia’s number, I’d be glad to pass it along. 

31 comments

  1. levelboss

    wow, Jane, you’re really funny! have you considered writing for a living? i think you could do it! 😉

    actually, i think the next step, Jane, is BROADCASTING.. it would be way cool if maybe the YES network would give you a comedy segment like Jeanne Moos does on CNN – VERY funny and insightful

  2. ckaftan@yahoo.com

    Whoa! I’m getting goosebumps! My wife does Tarot (she’s no expert, but she is learning) and after reading this, I got to ask her to do one. The good thing? She’s a Yankees fan!

    This is a great story. I enjoyed it.

    Next time, go back and ask Patricia about the future of Jeter in 2010!

    – Chris from Third Generation

  3. steve_t

    Typical fortune teller… Will the Yankees win in 2009? “A resounding yes!” immediately followed by “I can’t guarantee you the outcome.”

    Very funny piece, Jane. Loved the spit-take. I guess we’ll need to see what happens in October. And by the way, nice job slipping the A-Rod line in there just before it went to press.

    Steve T.
    http://soxblog.mlblogs.com

  4. juliasrants

    Jane – maybe you need to go back now and have second reading and see how the A-Rod news will affect his playing and the Yankees. Or perhaps you won’t want to know if “the future has changed!” ;-D I guess I’ll find out what will happen the old fashion way – by watching the games! Great piece.

    Julia
    http://werbiefitz.mlblogs.com/

  5. juliasrants

    Jane – maybe you need to go back now and have second reading and see how the A-Rod news will affect his playing and the Yankees. Or perhaps you won’t want to know if “the future has changed!” ;-D I guess I’ll find out what will happen the old fashion way – by watching the games! Great piece.

    Julia
    http://werbiefitz.mlblogs.com/

  6. scofid

    Whew! I was so worried that the recent events (Torre’s book and the A-Roid drama) would prove to be too much of a distraction. It’s great to know that I can go to sleep tonight knowing that the 27th World Championship is in the bag! 😉 Another great story! Thanks for bringing some levity to a day filled with anti-Yankee sentiment. BTW, I now have my copy of ‘Confessions’! Yeah!

    Scott
    http://fotr.mlblogs.com

  7. jl7350a@american.edu

    Jane,
    Loved the article! Great job! I’m putting my money down on Teixeira becoming the MVP of the world series now…haha

    And I’m picking up your book today, cant wait to start it!

    keep up the great work

    jorgesaysno.blogspot.com

  8. Jane Heller

    I’ll go take a look, Andrew. Thanks.

    Levelboss, I love Jeanne Moos! Her pieces are always funny and offbeat. I wish they’d let her do more.

    Chris, I just got an email from Patricia saying she’s getting fan mail from that article! People want readings with her! And she said she’s going to “track the Yankees” now that she’s done their cards.

    Funny you mention the A-Rod line, Steve. I did call it in yesterday and the change was made on the web site version, not in the paper. My edition still has no mention of steroids. Oh well. I tried to stay timely.

    Julia, I may just have to have another reading, although in the edition I referred to above, in the comment to Steve, Patricia does say about A-Rod, “He’ll have to reinvent himself and mature.” Hm.

    Yeah, Scott. Now we can sleep knowing the championship is ours. LOL. But maybe Patricia was dead on. Only time will tell. It was interesting how forceful she was about Teixeira; she really did feel he was the key. Glad your copy arrived. Hope it brings more levity.

  9. Jane Heller

    It sure sounded like Tex would be the MVP, Josh. You should have seen her reaction to his card! Enjoy the book.

    I would love it if she’s right, V. Actually, I was quite touched when she said I was connected to the Yankees by karma. Oooh.

  10. ruffolo

    Jane, thank was an incredible article. I was laughing so hard when you gasped “Not a torn rotator cuff.” lol. Also, remind me to send you a picture of me from when I was three. I was proudly wearing my “Property of the New York Yankees” t-shirt back in 1987.

  11. Jane Heller

    Jen, you should go to your local tarot parlor and see what’s in store for AJ!

    Glad you had some laughs, Bob. And that T-shirt is never going in the trash. It’s the best one.

  12. Jane Heller

    You should definitely try it out, Jenn. You never know. Congrats on Ryan Howard, btw.

    Good prediction, Russell. I see a new career for you!

  13. patriciadiorio@cox.net

    Hey…all you Yankee skeptics out there…

    Patricia here, Jane’s “fortune teller”…not! Actually I refer to myself as a “fortune creator”. After all, we are creators of our reality are we not? Otherwise, Einstein, his colleagues and quantum physics have struck out! Sorry…I couldn’t resist. So, if you really want to see the Yankees win this year, then hold them in your mind’s eye as winning…see them winning. That’s probably the most powerful contribution you can make to their success. So, for all you negative thinkers out there…knock it off!

    And another thing…Jane playfully referred to “asking the cards”. Come on…we all know that cards are just pieces of paper with pictures on them. The cards alone did not have Jane’s answers. And I’m just the guide and facilitator. So who was the true “oracle” in the reading? Why Jane, of course! Or, to be more precise, that aspect of Jane that I call the Essential Self, or Soul, Intuition, Spirit…call it any label you’d like, it’s that place in us that is timeless, eternal and omniscient.

    So, my disclaimer as a reader actually is…”You will always pick the perfect/right card because you are asking that Aspect of you that simply knows the answer. I will do my best to give you my strongest intuitive hit combined with my comprehensive knowledge of the cards. I’m fallible, however, so I cannot guarantee that my interpretation will be accurate. And although I have a pretty good track record over the last 14 years of reading professionally, only time will tell.”

    So, for all of you fans out there that would really like to see the Yankees win the championship, keep your thoughts and feelings positive and in this way we can co-create a resonant field of success that energetically supports their win. It’s just quantum physics.

    Patricia
    +

  14. Jane Heller

    You tell ’em, Patricia. Unfortunately, not everyone on this blog wants the Yankees to win, so I’ll just have to keep putting out my own positive vibes.

  15. Jane Heller

    Glad you liked the article, Sue. Yes, we must concentrate and we will “manifest” our guys to victory! A Yankees-Phillies WS would work for me.

  16. sevrox

    Hey Jane,

    First time I read you was today – and this site is outstanding. If I read your book, will it make me less of a man?

    Hmmm, if I read it this summer on the beach, I’ll have to cover it with a “Powerlifter’s United” magazine or something.

    Good to read your stuff for the first time,
    Sevrox,
    West Chester, PA

  17. Jane Heller

    I don’t think you’ll be less of a man, Sevrox. But your idea about the magazine might protect you from those less enlightened men out there. Thanks for stopping by for the first time. Come again!

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