As Yankees bloggers reported hours and hours ago (I’m such a slug), Andy Pettitte has let it be known that he’s angry at how his negotiations with the Yanks have gone. Ken Davidoff of Newsday spoke to “people familiar with his thinking.” What people? His agent? His wife? His minister? I hate unnamed sources, but bottom line: Andy’s pissed.
At the top of his list of grievances, according to People Familiar With His Thinking, is the following.
“He believes the Yankees should display more appreciation for all that he has done for them.”
That’s what he wants? More appreciation? No problem!
I called Brian Cashman. He tore himself away from a pending trade that would send Nick Swisher to the Blue Jays for Roy Halladay, and we hammered out a multi-faceted plan of attack. Here’s what Andy will get from the Yankees in the way of appreciation.
#1. The traditional reward for a job well done.
#2. Mementos from the old Yankee Stadium. Not just anybody gets these. Not for free, anyway.
#3. A simple but heartfelt appreciation in skywriting over Andy’s house.
#4. A private, at-home concert by Yankees tenor Ronan Tynan, who will sing “God Bless America” as many times as Andy wants him too – without taking a breath.
#5. A private, at-home concert by Madonna. The idea is to show Andy that anything A-Rod has, he can have too.
#6. A singing telegram to say, “The Yankees love you.”
#7. The guy comes with a box of these. Screw Joe Girardi’s rule about sweets.
#8. A deluxe order of prime beef. Very handy when those People Familiar with His Thinking drop by for dinner unexpectedly.
#9. The chance to bump Paul O’Neill and be Michael Kay’s color commentator on YES.
#10. A year’s supply of the good stuff. Enough said.
Now, it’s possible that Pettitte won’t be swayed by any of this, and that “appreciation” is just a euphemism for “money.” If so, he’ll be joining the players featured in my two previous posts as ex-Yankees and I’ll be forced to write the words “Goodbye, Andy.”