The newest Yankee won’t be introduced to the media until 1 p.m. Eastern, but I already know the drill.
A Yankees person, probably media relations director Jason Zillo, will present Mrs. Teixeira – Leigh – with a dozen long-stemmed roses.
(She’s the brunette.)
Cashman will gush about Tex while looking oddly detached.
Hal will be present but not say a word.
Girardi will drape Tex in his new pinstriped jersey.
Tex will model the jersey and try not to be blinded by all the flashbulbs.
And now the Q&A. Here’s how I think it will go.
“Hey, Mark. Pete Abraham from the Journal News. How does it feel to be a Yankee?”
“Incredible. I’m still pinching myself. I grew up idolizing Don Mattingly, so I always wanted to play for the Yankees.”
“Hi, Mark. Tyler Kepner from the New York Times. You turned down a substantial offer from the Red Sox. Was there some bad feeling on your part from your dealings with them in the past?”
“Not at all. Not at all. They’re a great organization. I have nothing but respect for them and I’m looking forward to being part of the awesome rivalry.”
“Hey, Mark. Mark Feinsand from the Daily News. You’re from the DC/Baltimore area. Did you give serious thought to playing in front of a home crowd with either the O’s or the Nationals?”
“I did, but the Yankees are winners, with so much history and tradition. I want to help us win more championships.”
“George King. New York Post. Talk about the pressure of playing in New York, Mark. The big contract. The new stadium. A crowd of 55,000 people booing you if you get off to a slow start. Any of that worry you?”
“I put more pressure on myself than anyone else could ever put on me. So no. I’m not worried. From what I’ve seen, Yankee fans are the best fans in baseball.”
“George King with a follow up. A source told me you and Alex Rodriquez hate each other’s guts from your Texas Rangers days. True?”
“Um, I don’t know where that rumor came from. I have tremendous respect for Alex and the way he plays the game. I’m really looking forward to being his teammate.”
“George King again. Another source told me you read books in your spare time. That’s kind of weird for a ballplayer.”
“I don’t read books. I hunt and fish and hit golf balls. No books.”
“Then what about this poster?”
George holds up the evidence for everyone to see.
There’s an audible gasp in the room. More flashbulbs. Mark is caught in his first lie as a Yankee.
“O.K. So I read one stupid book before it even came out. It was right after I signed with the Yankees. I wanted to find out what the fans here are really like.”
“Hello, Mark. John Sterling, the voice of the Yankees on WCBS. Was the book Jane Heller’s ‘Confessions of a She-Fan,’ by any chance? I heard I’m the hero of it.”
“Yeah, that’s it. You’re not the hero, but you have a bunch of scenes. Like that dinner where you let her try on your World Series rings. Oh, and when you said you never ever go to the bathroom during the games. LOL, John. Seriously.”
Jason Zillo steps to the podium. “Thanks, everybody. That’s all for today.”