Breaking News – Clemens Is “Clean”


With the baseball world’s collective attention focused on which teams will sign which free agents, many people have forgotten about The Rocket’s lawsuits and countersuits to clear himself of the steroids taint.
To recap…
First, he angrily denied the charge that he was a juicer to Mike Wallace on “60 Minutes.”
Then, he and his lawyer staged a press conference where he issued more denials and looked very thirsty.
Finally, the pitcher performed on the ultimate Big Stage – the floor of Congress – and maintained over and over that he had never used ‘roids.
He pledged his innocence, but wasn’t particularly convincing when facing down his interrogators.
Since then, his reputation has been in tatters; most people believe that Brian McNamee did, in fact, inject him with banned substances.  But the investigations have never found the smoking gun that would either nail Clemens or exonerate him.
Until now.
In a stunning feat of reportage, She-Fan has uncovered long-buried evidence proving beyond a reasonable doubt that Roger Clemens is clean.
Clean as a whistle.
Clean as a new penny.
Clean as….
Why don’t I just show you. I think you’ll agree that those who condemned him were dead wrong.


  1. levelboss

    i had no idea he was Zestfully clean..
    perhaps now if he wants to pitch again he could pay the Yankees $28 million/1 yr to be in the rotation (or in Scranton-Wilkes-Barre’s rotation)

  2. Jane Heller

    I’d never seen it before today, Andrew. Can’t believe how young Clemens looks.

    I think he’ll be paying his lawyers before he pays the Yankees, levelboss. His bills must be serious.

  3. steve_t

    I can’t even joke about his, it’s so sad. All he had to do was say, “You know, I made a mistake. There are many players who took advantage of steroids and HGH, and I regret what I did.” But instead he goes all Bill Clinton on the media and winds up looking like an idiot, disgraced from the game. One of the reasons I became a Red Sox fan so quickly when I moved here in 1991, was because I got to see Roger Clemens (pre-steroids, I assume, but who knows?), in his prime. Now that’s all been tarnished.

    Steve T.

  4. Kylie

    Steve is right. Pettitte came out and said he used PEDs, said he used them twice for injuries. Whether or not that’s a lie and he used them more often, it doesn’t matter. Everyone’s forgotten about him (and he’s still playing) while Clemens is doing seemingly everything he can to look guilty.
    I finished “Some Nerve” yesterday… didn’t like it as much as “Ex” but it was really funny and definitely had some great twists. But seriously, I want to have a son and name him Leonard just so I can call him Nards.
    Kylie —

  5. Jane Heller

    The NESN one is good too, Andrew. Can’t get over how young (and trim) Clemens looks.

    Was he “clean” then? Who knows, Julia. That’s the sad part. As Steve and Kylie said, he should have just come out and admitted he used steroids for however long and that would have been that. Giambi was a fan favorite in New York because he said the magic words: “I’m sorry.”

    Kylie, glad you enjoyed “Some Nerve” even if not as much as “Ex.” It’s the novel that inspired me to become a hospital volunteer so it’s near and dear to my heart. If you’re game to try another one, go with “Name Dropping.” It’s dated – it came out in 2000 – but people seem to like it.

  6. Elizabeth D

    I’m thinking Ted is going to be number one as well. Tony C and Jim Lonborg will probably make it in the honorable mention category. It’s going to be hard to rank all the players.
    Thanks for the video as well, I’ll probably walk around singing it today.
    I have to agree with Steve on this one, he really just should’ve come clean about it.

  7. Jane Heller

    That’s the sickest part of the video, Elizabeth. After I watched it a couple of times, I was walking around my house going, “I’m Zestfully clean!”



    Roger Clemens should have done his tell-all interview with David Frost. It would have made a decent movie.

    el duque

  9. Jane Heller

    I did dig that one out of the archives, Jeremy. I was looking for something completely different and there it was. Gold.

    You’re so right, duque. “Frost/Clemens.” Has Best Picture written all over it.

    I’d better stop crying wolf, Joe, or pretty soon no one will believe anything I write.

    Thanks, Bern. You sound like my husband. He’s always saying, “You’re too much” when I tell him what I’m posting.

    Yeah, the ’80s were such an innocent time, Tom – not! It’s kind of a miracle that we didn’t hear more about what was really going on, except in New York where it was all about the coke problems of various Mets.

    I have no idea if they make Zest anymore, Paul. I’m clean but I use Dove. 🙂

    Al’s love is just a temporary infatuation, Jeff. But now I know how to make it last. I need to keep saying nice things about Detroit and he’ll be mine forever.

  10. PAUL

    It’s very interesting how Clemens wore a towel while showering in the commercial, presumably because he didn’t want to show his butt; but then twenty years later, he went to congress and showed it in an entirely different, costlier and more embarrassing way.

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