It’s in the Stars: The Yankees Sign Teixeira!!!!

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So much speculation surrounding the future of Mark Teixeira. The Red Sox have said they’re out, but are they? The Angels, Nationals and Orioles have said they’re in, but are they? The Yankees have said they aren’t even making an offer, but are they? Teixeira himself has said he’ll make his decision by Christmas, but will he?
WHAT THE HECK IS GOING ON? I’M SICK OF WAITING, PEOPLE!
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Since the media has been useless in ferreting out the truth, Iย consulted someone who’d be able to divine it: astrologer Susan Miller. I went on her web site, astrologyzone.com, and read Teixeira’s horoscope for December. Talk about an eye-opener.
Tex was born on April 11th, which makes him an Aries – the Ram.
ram.jpgHere are the highlights of Susan’s forecast….
“Santa’s most vital gift for you will be to bring the most outstanding career news you’ve ever heard at holiday time – or ever!”
Most outstanding career news ever? That suggests Tex will get the $195 million he’s seeking.
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“A major promotion or job switch to a powerful, exciting new position should arrive just after the new moon December 27.”
Job switch? That indicates the Angels won’t be Tex’s destination, since he’s already been their first baseman. So long, Halos.
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“Starting in late December you will have Jupiter, Mercury, Pluto, Mars, the sun, and the new moon crowded in your solar tenth house of professional prestige and promotion, the part of your chart that brings all sorts of acclaim to your reputation.”
Prestige? No offense, but that takes care of the Nationals and Orioles. Bye bye, you two.
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And then there’s the acclaim to your reputation bit. Which team has had more acclaim: Red Sox or Yankees? I know, I know. The Red Sox have won the World Series twice in four years and the Yankees haven’t won it since 2000. But over the course of history, the Yanks have won it 26 times. That’s a whole lot of acclaim. See ya, Boston.
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Which doesn’t mean the Yankees will give Tex the contract terms he’s asking for. Eight years? That would put him in pinstripes until 2016, and the Yanks are unlikely to agree to such a long-term deal. But let’s see what Susan Miller has to say.
“Having six heavenly bodies crowded into that lofty part of your chart will be a huge competitive advantage and is so exceptional that you’ll not have the same kind of cosmic help again until 2019.
Holy smokes. The Yankees will tie Tex up for ELEVEN years.
I wasn’t expecting that.
Do I want Mark Teixeira? Of course.
But do I want him until he can hardly get through an interview with Michael Kay?
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No. I don’t. Be careful what you wish for.

32 comments

  1. juliasrants

    Jane – on redsox.com there is an article quoting Cashman as saying that the Yankees are not the team who made the offer to Tex and they are not interested in him. The article went on to wonder if Boras was doing some creative negotiations like he did with A-rod & the Rangers a few years back. It will be interesting to see if there is a “mystery offer” or not.

    Julia
    http://werbiefitz.mlblogs.com/

  2. Jane Heller

    Julia, I read the Cashman quote as well as the quote from John Henry, which is why I believe none of these people! I won’t believe anything until I see it with my own eyes.

    I, too, think the Red Sox and Boras are doing their dance right now, Bern. How it will turn out? It’s in the stars. ๐Ÿ™‚

    You read “An Ex to Grind?” That’s so great, Kylie. What’s even more great is that you loved it. Whew. Nothing like recommending a book and having the person despise it! Funny that you mention the ending. I’ve gotten mail from people saying they wanted a more obvious “closure,” but I decided to leave a little to the imagination.

    Paul, somehow I figured you wouldn’t be a fan of astrology.

  3. redstatebluestate

    Very solid reportage, Jane. If only the Tribune and Sun-Times used such infallible sources! If you’re right and Tex signs with the Yankees, I think that’ll be a clear sign that the world will be coming to an end — wait, no… only after the 2009 season ends with the Yankees not making the playoffs again — THEN the world will be coming to an end. My bags will be packed ๐Ÿ˜‰
    –Jeff
    http://redstatebluestate.mlblogs.com/

  4. Jane Heller

    Thank you, Jeff. I go where others fear to tread. And let me know where you’re headed with your packed bags. If the Yankees don’t make the playoffs again, I’ll be joining you there.

  5. Jane Heller

    I was hoping you’d say some island in the South Pacific where they don’t have TVs or internet access or any possible way to get baseball scores. My husband wants us to go there tomorrow.

  6. hseely@twcny.rr.com

    She-Fan,

    The truth is up there. But there is really only one star in the firmament that matters.

    The Star of Bethlehem, which hopefully will guide Tex to that lantern light in the new Yankee Stadium manger, where Cash and Hal await him, wrapped in designer swaddling.

    He would be the Greatest Gift of all, renewing every Yank fan’s understanding of the true meaning of Christmas. Let us hope for a miracle, the miracle of Cash.

    el duque

  7. PAUL

    Jane, you sound like my individual tutorial professor with your accurate astrology assessment. In between bouts of telling me she wanted to strangle me (with good reason, it should be noted), she said, “why does that not shock me” when I told her that I’m a fan of Ayn Rand.
    http://paullebowitz.mlblogs.com/

  8. Jane Heller

    Duque, there are only 5 more shopping days till Christmas. Time’s running out for Cash.

    Tom, I just went on your blog and was absolutely stunned to read about Tex’s signing with the O’s. I’m serious! It took me until the end of the post until I realized I’d been had. You are good. And I’m naive!

    Great plug for the merchandise, Mark. Do I get a commission?

    (Btw, everyone, Mark helped me put up the cover of my book, over on the links to the right, along with pertinent info about it. He’s a genius and I’ll be eternally grateful.)

    Paul, you’re a realist – and thank goodness someone is! – so I knew you wouldn’t be a Susan Miller devotee. But she’s scarily right on about some things, so I do check her horoscopes every month. Can’t help myself. And thanks for noticing about the book cover. Looks good, doesn’t it?

  9. flairforthedramatic

    Lol, I will so start believing horoscopes again if this is right.
    Teixeira would be a nice addition, but some part of me doesn’t want him or doesn’t think he’ll end up in NY because the Yanks have already spent more money on the last two guys they’ve acquired than everyone I know will ever see in their lifetime. I can feel the hatred building by the small market teams.
    V – http://flairforthedramatic.mlblogs.com

  10. Jane Heller

    I know what you mean, V. And it’s not just the small market teams that hate the Yankees. Everybody hates the Yankees (except Yankee fans). But we must hold our heads high and hope our expensive new acquisitions don’t embarrass us ๐Ÿ™‚

  11. jimmy27nyy

    Hey, Jane …

    It’s great news that [maybe] the Red Sox have dropped out of the Mark Teixeira sweepstakes … Also, it’s interesting that the Yankees have been very quiet about whether or not they are interested in Tex; and, have not made an offer yet … But, little by little, it does seem like all roads are leading to the Bronx, and eventualy Mark Teixeira will sign with the Yankees !!! … Like you said, Jane, “it’s in the stars” !!! … The three “wise men”, Hank, Hal, and Brian, will follow the bright light to the “biggest” and “brightest” superstar in this winter’s free-agent market; and, on Christmas morning, a “new” star will shine brightly in the “new” Yankee Stadium — Mark Teixeira !!! … Even though the Yankees already signed, CC and A.J., they are just “playing by the rules” set by baseball and the players association … Some team is going to sign Teixeira; and, speaking as a Yankees fan, “it might as well be the New York Yankees” … Jimmy[27NYY]

    http://baseballtheyankeesandlife.mlblogs.com/

  12. Jane Heller

    Hey, Jimmy. You do have a point. Some team is going to sign Teixeira, and it might as well be the Yankees. It just seems as if there’s more interest from other teams. Next week should be decision week.

  13. bostonredsoxgirl46

    Jane,
    When I first read the headline, I had a mini spaz attack until I realized what “In the Stars” meant.
    Knocking out the Nationals and Orioles out because of “prestige” gave me a good laugh; and even the acclaimed reputation regarding the Red Sox made me laugh :).
    -Elizabeth
    http://redsoxgirl46.mlblogs.com

  14. Jane Heller

    I figured the headline would get some hearts racing, Elizabeth. I’m in the dark about Teixeira’s plans like everyone else, so I thought I should do my own “sleuthing.” Glad the post gave you a laugh.

  15. Jane Heller

    You could be right, Happy. I haven’t checked the sports news today. All I know is he won’t come cheap, so will that make Boston the evil empire now?????

  16. King_of_New_York

    If the Red Sox and Angels are out as they have said, and the Orioles and Nationals give Tex a minimal chance of winning, that only leaves the Yankees, who haven’t even made an offer, and getting Manny would give them almost no chance of getting him. Also, didn’t Tex say earlier that he wanted to sign by Christmas? This whole thing is getting confusing!!!
    http://bronx-awesome.mlblogs.com/
    King Yankees

  17. Jane Heller

    Yep, Babu. Tex definitely said he wanted to sign by Christmas. That means only 3 more shopping days. I guess we’ll hear something today. The whole thing is confusing all right.

  18. NatMeg

    What could be more prestigious than the team that represents our nation’s Capital?! The American/Nat’s fan in me is hurting, Jane! But I have to agree; there is no way I will see Teixeira on a DC home jersey, ever. As long as he doesn’t go to the dark side though… and I don’t mean the Red Sox ๐Ÿ™‚

  19. Jane Heller

    Hey, Zim. Thanks for stopping by. No offense meant to the Nats. If I lived in DC, I’d root for them myself. I love that there’s a major league team there again (I remember the Washington Senators from when I was a kid). As for the “dark side,” LOL. I don’t think the Yanks will get him. I think the Red Sox will.

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