Where Are You, Cashman, And Why Haven’t You  Called?

I’m worried about the Yankees’ GM. I am. Just look at him.

He’s such an anxious type, always on the verge of a nervous collapse. He’s been quiet, very quiet since Dana Point. Yes, it’s early in the off-season and it’s not as if free agents are being signed left and right, but what about some trades? Must we Yankees fans sit patiently (not in my nature at all) while Matt Holliday is shipped to the A’s for Huston Street and two others and even the Marlins and Nationals are exchanging body parts?
So I have to ask: What are you doing, Cash? Where are you hiding? What’s on your mind? Who are you hanging with?
I suppose it’s possible you’re in meetings with Jean Afterman, your assistant GM.
Or you could be in secret confabs with these two.
(Is it just me or do they look like they came from different fathers?)
Maybe you’re trying to escape from baseball altogether, given how stressful it must be in the Yankees’ front office. Your wife says you grind your teeth so hard at night that it scares her.
May I suggest that you purchase one of these? They’re supposed to do the trick.
I guess you could be holed up in your quaint, affluent town of Darien, Connecticut.


 People say you enjoy a good game of pickup basketball, so maybe you’re doing that.
You’re also rumored to have a fondness for Australian red wine, so maybe you’re alone in your house guzzling.
Or, since you’re a good Catholic, maybe you’re in church praying that a miraculous trade will materialize.
Or maybe you’re concerned about A-Rod gallivanting around with Madonna, following her to concerts instead of working out obsessively at the gym.
And so you decided to confront her directly about leaving your highest paid star alone – and you did it first thing in the morning, before she put on any makeup.
Now that I really think about it, I bet your silence has to do with a certain road trip you’re on. You rented an RV, shut off the BlackBerry and set off on a journey.
Let others make trades. You’re driving straight to CC’s house, parking the camper right on his front lawn and waiting him out. I like it, Cash. Very proactive. You have my complete and total support.


  1. Jane Heller

    You guys. Haven’t you ever seen a girl without her makeup? We don’t look glamorous ALL the time.

    And yes, Jeff, wine and catholicism do go together. Perhaps Cashman is partaking of the wine at his church, non-Australian though it may be.

  2. happyyoungster

    Nice touch, but I wouldn’t get too antsy in the pantsy, Jane. When it’s all said and done, your boy wonder in the GM’s office won’t have enough ink in his office to dot another “i” or cross another “t.” So, tell me…how cool is it to be a Yankees fan? Because I’m feeling a little envious right about now. Being that my Brewers are only presenting a little PR type contract to big boy Carsten Charles and the Yankees are still sorting and stacking their notes (big bills, only, please) as we speak. All that’s left is to verify the correct spelling of his birth name above and the Yanks should be good-to-go, right?

    On another note, what’s up with Melky Cabrera? Was ’08 a fluke? What about those young pitchers that keep coming up in trade talks…Kennedy and Hughes? As I mentioned in my most recent blog, you can have Mike Cameron if we get some decent young pitching. You guys will love Cameron. One of the nicest ballplayers I have ever met. Problem is, he’s right handed and strikes out too much. Wanna guess what the Brewers have an abundance of? You guessed it…right handers who strike out too much!

    Anyway, good luck with free agency…you guys will do just fine. Enjoy your new park. I’ll come out to NY again to visit/ballhawk real soon.

    P.S. Please tell “Cash” not to take all the cool free agents. After all, opening day rosters are only set to 25!


  3. Jane Heller

    That’s me, Happy, antsy in the pansy. 🙂 It’s very cool to be a Yankee fan because we know our owners will spend money on the team. Will we get Carsten Charles? I’m not counting on anything. Which is another way of saying I’ll celebrate when I read the Yankees’ press release and not before. Melky? He’s a decent center fielder with a good arm, but he seems to have regressed at the plate. So no, I don’t think ’08 was a fluke. Hughes and Kennedy? The general feeling seems to be that we’re hanging on to Hughes but could send Kennedy elsewhere for the right players. I appreciate your offer of Mike Cameron, but I don’t think he’s what we need in CF. Now if you were offering me Josh Hamilton…..

  4. Elizabeth D

    I’ve been meaning to start watching Desperate Housewives, but God only knows which season it’s in. I feel like I’d be so lost, I’m lost enough trying to watch Heroes because I haven’t even finished Season 1. Is A-Rod still seeing Madonna? My friend’s cousin used to be married to A-Rod, I don’t think they’re in very good terms =\.
    I’m sure a trip to the West Coast will calm Cashman down, everyone needs to go there, it’s so much more relaxed over there.
    And the poor Marlins, they can’t afford to keep anyone, so they trade everyone away. Ironically, they have enough money to build a new stadium (the question is, will it attract any fans now that the Marlins are basically giving away their players for free)

  5. Jane Heller

    Your friend’s cousin is C-Rod? Do tell! Poor Marlins is right. Or, more accurately, poor Marlins fans. I can’t imagine getting behind a team that trades its best players away every year. They should stage a protest!

  6. rpachter@gmail.com

    Is Jean Afterman pals with Suzyn Waldman?

    I’m getting a similar vibe.

    (And what’s with that name, “After man?”)

  7. hseely@twcny.rr.com

    I hate to think of Arod coming off an 0-4 night, waking up next morning to that vision of Madonna. Any way we can line her up with Pedroia?

    El Duque

  8. Jane Heller

    Not sure exactly what vibe you’re going for, rpachter, but I’m staying out of that one.

    Of course Madonna’s ripped, Paul! Why do you think she and A-Rod are hanging out? He loves gym rats. She loves gym rats. They’re the perfect couple. (Btw, that photo must be magic for this blog. It got you to comment twice.)

    El Duque! So honored to have you with us. Actually, I don’t see Pedroia waking up to Madonna. I think Cloris Leachman is more his type.

  9. welikeroywelikeroy

    Did the Yankees get Cashman just because of his name? I mean seriously, how fitting is that for the guy controlling the payroll, of the team with the largest payroll in baseball? I’m sure that I’m not the only one to state this, but I think it needs to stated again. Can you see the irony in Scott Boras dealing with Cashman.

  10. Jane Heller

    It’s a perfect name for the Yankees’ GM. That’s probably why he was hired. Jones or Smith or Heller just wouldn’t work. I agree completely!

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