I’m worried about the Yankees’ GM. I am. Just look at him.
He’s such an anxious type, always on the verge of a nervous collapse. He’s been quiet, very quiet since Dana Point. Yes, it’s early in the off-season and it’s not as if free agents are being signed left and right, but what about some trades? Must we Yankees fans sit patiently (not in my nature at all) while Matt Holliday is shipped to the A’s for Huston Street and two others and even the Marlins and Nationals are exchanging body parts?
So I have to ask: What are you doing, Cash? Where are you hiding? What’s on your mind? Who are you hanging with?
I suppose it’s possible you’re in meetings with Jean Afterman, your assistant GM.
Or you could be in secret confabs with these two.
(Is it just me or do they look like they came from different fathers?)
Maybe you’re trying to escape from baseball altogether, given how stressful it must be in the Yankees’ front office. Your wife says you grind your teeth so hard at night that it scares her.
May I suggest that you purchase one of these? They’re supposed to do the trick.
I guess you could be holed up in your quaint, affluent town of Darien, Connecticut.
People say you enjoy a good game of pickup basketball, so maybe you’re doing that.
You’re also rumored to have a fondness for Australian red wine, so maybe you’re alone in your house guzzling.
Or, since you’re a good Catholic, maybe you’re in church praying that a miraculous trade will materialize.
Or maybe you’re concerned about A-Rod gallivanting around with Madonna, following her to concerts instead of working out obsessively at the gym.
And so you decided to confront her directly about leaving your highest paid star alone – and you did it first thing in the morning, before she put on any makeup.
Now that I really think about it, I bet your silence has to do with a certain road trip you’re on. You rented an RV, shut off the BlackBerry and set off on a journey.
Let others make trades. You’re driving straight to CC’s house, parking the camper right on his front lawn and waiting him out. I like it, Cash. Very proactive. You have my complete and total support.