And the AL Rookie of the Year Goes to…

Actually, they don’t announce the awards until tomorrow so I’m jumping the gun. But the odds are that the AL statuette will go to…Evan Michael Longoria. If I’m wrong and it’s Ellsbury or Joba or somebody, I’ll hang my head in shame. But why else would Erin Andrews be interviewing Evan if he’s not the winner?
I’m sticking with him. As a tribute, here’s my special presentation of “E: The True Longoria Story.”
It all begins on October 7th, 1985, the date of Evan’s birth. He’s a Libra, meaning his symbol is a scale of justice.
Libras are very balanced people, good diplomats. Gandhi, for instance, was a Libra. So if there’s ever a bench-clearing brawl, watch for Evan to be right there in the middle brokering a peace agreement.
He grew up in the city of Downey, California, southeast of L.A. What is there to say about Downey, you ask? For starters, it boasts the very first one of these on the planet earth.
And the very oldest surviving one of these.
Talk about historical significance in the realm of fast food restaurants! Not only that, Downey is the former home of
That’s right. The Carpenters. It’s also the current home of
Yep, Weird Al Yankovic. Bet you’ve been wondering where he’s been keeping himself.
Like other superstar athletes before him, Evan Longoria went Catholic when it came to schooling.
At St. John Bosco (not to be confused with the Bosco chocolate syrup I overdosed on as a child), Evan played baseball and was guided in his moral principles by the Salesians, a religious order founded by this man.
He earned a scholarship to Long Beach State, where he majored in criminology (those scales of justice again) and played baseball. He was a shortstop in high school but moved to third base because the Dirtbags (their name, not mine) already had a shortstop.
While Troy Tulowitzki eventually ended up with the Rockies, Evan landed with the Rays, never dreaming how much fun he would have in Tampa Bay.
His last name caught the attention of actress Eva Longoria, naturally, and to wish him luck she sent him this.
Yes, a bottle of Cristal, the world’s most expensive champagne. To return the favor, the young and clueless Evan sent Eva this.
Oh, well. He’s still learning. And Eva wasn’t turned off by his cheesy gesture. In fact, she offered him a cameo on her show.
Speaking of wives, Evan isn’t married and doesn’t have a girlfriend, although he was spotted at a USF football game with this woman.
Her name is Jaime Hanna and she’s a Tampa Bay Buccaneers cheerleader who also works as a dental hygienist.
So. Life is pretty awesome right now for Evan Michael Longoria. Congratulations to him on winning the AL Rookie of the Year….Unless, of course, I wake up tomorrow morning and find out he didn’t win it after all.



    I think you’re underestimating the contributions of Brett Gardner. They may have fallen short in every offensive category when compared to Longoria, but I bet he stole more bases.


    Nice toss up between Longoria and Tulowitzki. Both those guys are excellent ball players. Wasn’t Tim Lincecum of the Giants also in that draft?

  3. mlbmark

    The ceaseless chants of “Eva! Eva!” are still ringing in my ears along with cowbells. Awesome year indeed, but that was one classically terrible and tormented finish. I guess just being in a Fall Classic as a rookie is good enough. But I will never forget how that rained on him harder than the clouds.


  4. Jane Heller

    The poor guy didn’t choose his last name! Those chants were so silly. But yeah, Mark, making it to the WS as a rookie had to be a dream come true.

  5. mlbmark

    longoria ROY by a landslide. followed by ramirez, ellsbury, aviles, galarraga, devine, span, blackburn, jobasaurus, ziegler (all received at least one vote)

  6. Jane Heller

    Whew. I was really hoping I wouldn’t have to do another post about someone else. Thanks for saving me, Mark. “Jobasaurus.” Ha ha.

  7. Jane Heller

    The “She-Fan Spotlight.” LOL, Mark.

    I actually thought of you, Kylie, when I threw in the Tulo reference! Glad you’re enjoying the stories. They’re fun to do.

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