Calling All Free Agents (The Really Good Ones)

With reports that CC Sabathia and Jake Peavy prefer to remain in the National League, that Derek Lowe longs to return to Boston and that Mark Teixeira wouldn’t mind landing in his home state of Maryland, I’m feeling slighted. What’s wrong with playing for the Yankees, people? They’re a first-class organization with a brand new ballpark and 26 World Championships. Plus, they pay well. You could do worse, believe me.

So in case CC, Jake, Tex, A.J. and others are reading this, I’ve put together a little “Why You Should Sign With the New York Yankees” post for you.
For starters, I found you a house. Well, it’s kind of a mansion.

l215c033f-w0m.jpgIt’s in Westchester County, where lots of rich Yankees live (about 25 minutes outside the city). It sits on its very own peninsula overlooking the Long Island Sound, so you’ll have plenty of privacy. There are 4 bedrooms and 6 baths – 8,531 square feet of luxury. All for a mere $16.5 million. Sound good so far?
You’ll also need a place in Manhattan, and I found you just the spot – in the apartment complex where lots of celebrities live right next to Central Park.
Impressive, huh? You’ll be neighbors with Denzel Washington (big Yankee fan), Sting and NASCAR’s Jeff Gordon. You’ll have a workout facility, sauna and spa treatment rooms, a 75′ pool, even an in-house private chef. It’s a pricey address, but you’ll be able to handle it.
Now, let’s show you what NY has to offer, beginning with food. Girardi doesn’t let the players have candy in the clubhouse, but the city will more than meet your cravings.
You like steak?
We’ve got The Post House, Sparks, you name it. How about a nice pastrami sandwich?
Get ready for tons of great Jewish delis. And how about some real New York cheesecake?
Yum. Oh, and if you want an elegant French dinner (say, if you’re trying to impress the guys who knew you before your big contract), take them to Daniel.
Swanky, swanky place. And hey, you’ll need great clothes when you go out. You don’t want to look tacky next to Jeter and A-Rod.
No need to shop at one of those big-and-tall men’s stores. New York has Armani. (Can’t say that about Baltimore, can you, Tex?)
And New York has nightlife.
O.K. I’m trying to be discreet with that last picture. We’re talking about a “gentlemen’s club,” where there are over 120 exotic dancers. Lap dance responsibly, please. 
And finally, I’d like to remind you that if you become a famous, beloved Yankee, you just might get your own restaurant like The Mick did.
no Rivera has a restaurant too. Anything can happen when you put on the pinstripes.
Hope I’ve convinced one or more of you to sign. It’ll be fun, I swear.


  1. PAUL

    Are they all gonna live together in these vast, sprawling properties like on The Real World?
    “This is the true story of five baseball players, signed to contracts worth nearly a half-a billion dollars, who chose to join the most famous organization in sports, to return the team to it’s former glory, and christen their new stadium with a championship, trying to be polite to the media, deal with Joe Girardi and still be REAL!!!”
    Speaking of Sparks Steakhouse, I’m still waiting for the five people ahead of me in the Latest Leaders to accept my invitation to be whacked, er, have a nice steak dinner.

  2. Jane Heller

    Then you should move to NYC too, joefromnewhampshire. Lots of steakhouses.

    Not a bad idea for a reality show, Paul. Why not pitch it to the YES Network? You could be the judge and decide who gets voted out of the Yankees. And since I’m ahead of you in the Latest Leaders, are you treating for this dinner at Sparks?

  3. PAUL

    I dunno about approaching YES. Kim Jones looks like the type of woman who’d stalk me.
    That steak’s very nicely cooked. I have a deli in Flatbush called Adelman’s that makes sandwiches named after sports teams. My preference is the “Rangers” with pastrami and corned beef; it’s worth it to pay the extra buck for lean beef.

  4. Jane Heller

    Glad to know that, Paul. We wouldn’t want to lose you or your baseball prognostications.

    Btw, I just realized this will be the first WS since 2001 without a wild card team.

    Oh, and anybody reading this should check out the Respect Jeter’s Gangster blog (link over on the blog roll) for a very funny “take” on my attempt to sell New York to free agents.

  5. Greg

    So, how dissappointed will you be in only one impact FA, say AJ Burnett, gets signed by the Yanks?

    For a while, it seemed FAs wanted to head to the Yanks for a chance at a World Series more than top dollar (although most got top dollar), but now it seems like FAs don’t want to come there as the #1 choice.

    Is that more of a sign of the Yankees now or of these new crop of FAs?

    Red Sox Ramblings:

  6. Jane Heller

    Kaybee, you’re right. I should have put something up that would be enticing to a country boy like Peavy. Maybe a cool ribs joint? Or a stream for fishing? Darn. Well, I doubt he’ll come to NY but you can’t blame a girl for trying.

    Greg, I don’t think the Yankees are an automatic #1 choice for FAs (hence, my post). But they still have the history. And let’s not forget they’ve been in the postseason for 13 years in a row. Not too shabby for someone who wants to play in October. Is NY right for everyone? No. But it does have its charms. And yes, I’ll be disappointed if we only end up with Burnett!

  7. steve_t

    For years, the Yankees were the first choice among most free agents. It’ll be that way again if/when the Yanks make it back to the Series. Hell, I’d move back to NY if I could afford to live in Manhattan. Of course, I’d bring my Sox fanhood along with me.

    Steve T

  8. Jane Heller

    There will always be some players who shun New York (both Yankees and Mets), especially if they’re from small towns and don’t want the big spotlight. But winning a WS does help. If you do move back to the city, Steve, there are plenty of Red Sox bars on First Avenue on the Upper East Side. Every time I walk by them in my Yankees T-shirt, they boo me!

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