Big Floppy? Dustin Who?

Thanks to tonight’s 12-inning nail biter at Fenway, the Angels live another day. I didn’t expect it, did you? Not after the Angels only scratched out one run in the first. Not after Hunter and Kendrick let that blooper drop between them. Not after K-Rod loaded the bases. Such drama. But Napoli was stellar at the plate and Weaver, not one of the most intimidating pitchers around, somehow managed to shut the Sox down.

But then maybe it’s not so hard to shut them down. Not when two of their best hitters have been (well, there’s no kind way to say it) useless. I’m not talking about Lowell, poor guy. He looks like he should just check himself into the hospital already and let a surgeon sew him back together like the scarecrow in “The Wizard of Oz.” No, I’m talking about this man. 
Big Papi was a big floppy tonight, not counting those walks. Come to think of it, he just hasn’t been the hulking presence that used to strike fear in the hearts of Yankee fans everywhere. Is it his wrist that’s bothering him? Is it not having Manny behind him in the lineup? Is it – oh, no! – that his skills are declining? 
And what about this guy, the one who’s supposed to be the AL MVP?
Dusty hasn’t had a hit in this series. Imagine that. Maybe baseball is a tough game after all, even for scrappy little guys with lots and lots of cockiness confidence.
Clearly, these two need to start hitting if the Sox plan on getting to the WS and winning it.
In the meantime, I hope this series ends soon so I don’t have to listen to Buck Martinez’s fingernail-on-a-blackboard voice or watch every time the camera at Fenway finds this man.
Stephen King is a diehard Sox fan. We all know that. But he’s also a lifelong Yankees hater, and that is a cardinal sin. Recently, my publisher suggested we send him an advance copy of “Confessions of a She-Fan,” thinking he might read my book and give us a blurb for the cover. It wasn’t a totally ridiculous idea. Years ago, I was King’s publicist on his novel “Carrie” and we had what I remember as a brief but cordial relationship. So what happens after we sent him my book? We got an email from his editors saying, “Stephen King is too rabid a Red Sox fan to be able to stomach even a funny book praising the Yanks.” Fine. Whatever. Just know that I hold grudges.


  1. steve_t

    OK, you’ve had your fun. But as John W Henry said to Hank Steinbrenner after Hanky made those early-season disparaging comments about Red Sox Nation, “Don’t poke the bear.”

    Papi and the “caballito” may just have a breakout night tonight!

    Steve T.

    P.S. Isn’t that Joe Hill, Stephen King’s son, pictured next to him? He had a bestseller with “Heart Shaped Box.” Maybe he can give you a blurb. Of course, for it to hold any weight, he’d have to sign it “-Joe Hill (Stephen King’s kid).”

  2. Jane Heller

    No poking the bear, I promise, Steve. Just pointing out how surprising it is that Pedroia, who has killed at the plate this year, and Ortiz, who has killed at the plate every year, have been relatively quiet. That was the story line for me from last night’s game. And I genuinely like Lowell as a player. I know they’re all supposed to “play hurt,” but he looks like he’s really suffering and, unless he has a Kirk Gibson moment, don’t you think he’s better off on the bench? On the P.S., I think being a Yankee hater must run in the King family!

  3. shizzle

    Hey Jane!! Thanks for reading my blog. After reading yours, mine seems more shabby than chic, but it’s fun to get my thoughts out there into the world wide web…

    Anyway, I’ve just posted a new entry up, if you care to read that one. It’ll be exciting to see Lackey & Lester face off again tonight. I’m feeling really good about it 🙂 I’m hoping Lackey is able to keep big poppy and pedroia in those slumps you mentioned 😉

    Cheers, from one passionate fan to another!

  4. Jane Heller

    Welcome, shizzle. LOL that my blog is chic and yours is shabby. Not so! Let’s hope tonight’s game doesn’t go into extras. I’m exhausted.

  5. Tucker Elliot

    Hi Jane — thanks for stopping by my blog again! I have to give you credit, your blog is by far the most entertaining one I read. Your comment about Stephen King was funny because I just sent you an email not 5 minutes ago through your website asking if you would take a look at my Yankees book and give me a blurb! Anyway, Lester on the mound tonight, I think this one is over — and for the first time I’m worried about my Rays. I really want Red Sox vs. Rays in the ALCS.

    — David

  6. Jane Heller

    Aw shucks, David. I bet you say that to all the bloggers. The truth is, I’m certainly not the most knowledgeable blogger out there. Stats are just not my thing. But hopefully I can provide my own spin on the proceedings. (Yes, on the book blurb, btw. I’m happy to help if I can.) Not to worry about the Rays. They’re scrappy!

  7. jboogie

    Nice of King to help out a fellow author. I would have thought he’d give it a read, at least to see what’s mentioned about his beloved Sox. That’s pretty weak on his part. I’ll give you a blurb if you need one.

    Floppy isn’t going to be close to the monster he was without Manny. And Pedroia annoys me. I love how when he slapped at a gloved ball in last year’s playoff he was considered hard nosed and gritty, but when A-Rod did it he was bush. Dusty’s a doosh.

    Are they really talking about making your book into a movie?


  8. Kylie

    Wow, his editors actually said that? Those words are pretty damn unprofessional. And I hate nationally televised games, mostly because the broadcasters are always partial to my team’s opponent. Even locally broadcast football games–nobody likes the Texans. Although watching Cowboys games is usually a more enjoyable experience, probably because they actually know what “win” means.
    Kylie —

  9. Greg

    Sorry the editor’s stone walled you. Next time I see Stephen at the ballpark, I’ll pitch the idea to him first hand. Haha. Well, I’ve only seen him once at the ballpark, and he ended up stopping me to by some cotton candy. He did give me a tip, so I have no complaints about him. He actually greeted me, “So your the candy man?” I was actually waiting for him to come out with a book titled the Candy Man, but I guess that is never happening.

    Anyway, I hope Papi and Pedroia make an appearance tonight. Although, both of those guys are the type to get to bother by brief slumps, especially the way Pedroia started out his career.

    Red Sox Ramblings:

  10. Jane Heller

    To be fair, J-Boogie, Stephen has helped quite a few authors along the way. His issue here, I guess, is the Yankees, not me. I just thought, after reading his book Faithful and having a better appreciation for his passion for the Sox, I could approach him about my book and he would appreciate MY passion for MY team. Fan to fan. Whatever. My publisher has gotten some great blurbs for the book cover, so we’re all set. But I’ll be thrilled if you plug the book on your blog when it comes out!!!!! As for a movie, I’ve sold 8 of my novels for movies but you never know what’ll happen when Hollywood options a book. My agent is sending out the Yankees book now to producers and directors as well as actresses with their own production companies. I wish Penny Marshall would direct it. I loved her movie “Big” with Tom Hanks and she’s a huge Yankee fan.

    Yeah, Kylie. His editors said that. But they weren’t trying to be mean. They’re actually very nice women who were supportive of my book but just trying to explain Stephen’s anti-Yankees position.

  11. Jane Heller

    Hey, Greg. Just to clarify. It wasn’t the editors who blew me off. It was Stephen. They were just trying to explain why it was unlikely he would help. Glad to know he tipped you for the cotton candy!


    king spends too much time at fenway reading books during the game! watch the freaking game, loser! or give me your ticket so a true lover of the game can watch baseball!!!!

  13. Jane Heller

    LOL, ktdbr. He really reads during the games? Well, I guess he’s indulging his two passions at the same time!

  14. Jane Heller

    That makes sense, Greg, although he must have amazing powers of concentration. When I go to games I’m always looking around between innings, people watching and vendor watching (or, should I say, vendahhh, in honor of your great blog)????

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