New Reality Show: “Who Wants to Pitch for the Yankees”

O.K. The way this works is we forget about what the Yankees’ Tampa faction wants (we don’t really know who’s running things down there anyway). And we forget about what our G.M. wants (we don’t know yet if our G.M. is even coming back). This show is about the fans and what WE want. So here are the leading contenders for “Who Wants to Pitch for the Yankees.”  The winner receives a zillion-dollar contract, a penthouse apartment in Manhattan in the same building as either Jeter or A-Rod, and the opportunity to be among the first to pitch in brand new, luxurious Yankee Stadium where the clubhouse won’t have candy and other junk food but will have plenty of protein bars.

Contestant #1. He hails from Vallejo, CA, is 28 years old, is 6′ 7″ tall, and weighs 290 lbs (yeah, sure he does). Supposedly, he doesn’t want to play in New York. Imagine that.
Contestant #2. He was born in North Little Rock, AK, is 31 years old, is 6′ 5″ tall, and weighs 230 lbs. He’s been on the DL a lot but has always managed to kill the Yankees. (Other teams? Not so much.) Personally, I could live without the Randy Johnson scowl.
Contestant #3. He’s a Baton Rouge, LA boy, is 30 years old, stands at 6′ 1″, and weighs 226 lbs (pretty puny compared to the first contestant, but then most people are). Is he healthy enough? Does pitching well in the NL mean anything in the AL? Up to US to decide.
Contestant #4. He comes from Dearborn, MI, is 35 years old (kind of old, unless you’re Mussina), is 6′ 6″ tall and weighs in at 230 lbs. Yes, he was a Red Sox castoff but so were Roger Clemens and Sparky Lyle (oh, and Babe Ruth).
And finally, here’s contestant #5. He needs no introduction.
Just kidding. The Orioles can keep Daniel Cabrera. He’s not even a free agent. I put him in here because I can’t stand him for hitting Jeter and practically every other Yankee. Actually, I think we should go after him, if only to keep our players safe.



    All of them have a lot of risk involved. Sabathia’s been abused over the last two seasons, but his size might save him from the same injury risks that other pitchers may have (he seemed impervious to the inning limit rules).

    Burnett and Sheets have histories of injuries and will likely be injured for stretches of time over the next few years. I’d stay away.

    Lowe just won’t be the same pitcher coming back to the AL.

  2. Jane Heller

    I agree – all have risks involved – but who else do you see filling spots at the top of the rotation? After reading in today’s NY Post that Joba’s been having arm problems again, I’m more convinced than ever he’ll end up in the pen. I’m going with contestant #1: Sabathia.

  3. Jane Heller

    UPDATE to today’s post: We DO know who our G.M. will be after all. Cashman negotiated a new three-year deal with Hank and Hal. I’m conflicted about this. I know it’s great to have stability, and Cashman has made some very good deals for the Yanks. But he also inherited players from the championship teams in the late 90s-2000. We can say what we want about Girardi, but it was Cashman who put the 2008 team on the field and expected them to win a championship.

  4. PAUL

    I would not TOUCH Burnett or Sheets, who are both Carl Pavano redux waiting to happen. But I think you’re gonna get Burnett (be careful what you wish for…). I’m starting to think that the Brewers might offer Sheets arbitration and he might take it to try and pitch a year injury-free and go for free agency again next year.
    Lowe’s an interesting idea who’d log innings and win at least 15 games. Sabathia’s options are limited based on his contract demands, but it’s a good bet he’ll end up with the Yankees, Angels or Dodgers. The Daniel Cabrera thing is actually not a bad idea although the Orioles ain’t trading him to the Yankees; the guy has wicked stuff, but he needs to get out of Baltimore and go to a place like St. Louis where a pitching coach/manager tandem can get through to him. I think he could blossom into an 18-game winner in the right situation.

  5. welikeroywelikeroy

    I personally hope Burnett loses that gameshow. I couldn’t stand seeing him pitch against the Jays 3-4 times a year. I say Sabathia would be your best bet because he is just deadly. The Brewers, all of a sudden, look very dangerous riding his hot arm into the playoffs.

  6. Jane Heller

    O.K. I’ve been officially talked out of Sheets. And welikeroy doesn’t want Burnett near the Yankees, so that takes care of that.:) I admire your faith in Cabrera, Paul, and I’d be thrilled to see him in the NL where he can maim other team’s players. But if Sabathia ends up with the Angels, you’ll here me screaming all the way from California.

  7. mlbmark

    They’d better still have candy in the new clubhouse, especially bubble gum. It is a staple of my diet. Can you imagine what Babe would say about the nutrition they will have in the clubhouse? He’d say, “Keed, get me a hot dog and a beer. And some cigars.”


  8. Jane Heller

    What’s funny about Girardi’s whole no-junk-food edict is that it didn’t prevent Wang’s Lisfranc injury or Posada’s torn labrum or Hughes’ fractured rib. These are grown men. I say let them eat what they want!

  9. Jane Heller

    Hey, Kaybee. I guess we’re both on the sidelines this postseason. Are you picking a “backup team” to root for? I’m going with the Rays in the AL and the Dodgers in the NL.

    Yeah, Skip. The Yankees gave Cashman another three years. He said he wants to finish what he started. Whatever that means. Are the Tigers going after Lowe?

  10. Greg

    You forgot to mention a pitcher that will be available: Curt Shilling. Haha. Just kidding. Nice post, I think CC is definitely the guy they have to get out of this crop of FA. I think he’ll end up signing for a better contract than the Mets gave Santana.

    Red Sox Ramblings:

    PS. I know who Kaybee’s adopted team is. I don’t think you want her to tell you, though. =)

  11. Jane Heller

    Jeff, you must be totally pumped. Does Chicago have a subway system? Or will it be called “the Crosstown Bus Series” if the Sox and Cubs play each other? Haha.

    Curt Schilling. Oh, Greg. Now you’ve gone and ruined my appetite. I was just about to have some Ben & Jerry’s. So I guess Kaybee’s adopted team is the one that plays the Angels tomorrow night? Each to his/her own. 🙂

  12. Greg

    Yes, you are right about Kaybee. I only noticed because she posted such on Jacoby Ellsbury blog, which I read just before reading yours.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s